The Best Part Of Me Was You
by justagirl1238
Summary: Childhood friends...Teenage Lovers...One huge mistake. Can these soul mates find their way back to each other or will they need to accept that some betrayals cannot be overcome?
1. Chapter 1

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**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

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**This is my first Fic. I hope you will enjoy it. The title came from lyrics in The Script song "Breakeven" (Falling To Pieces).**

**The AMAZING DaniaMCullen has graciously agreed to beta for me, and I kiss her pretty little Edward lovin' feet on a daily basis for her assistance! Without her and a few awesome ladies I met in a WC, I would not have dared to publish this. Thank you all for your encouragement. I hope I don't let you down.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, RUN…DO NOT WALK FROM THIS FIC SO I DON'T HAVE YOUR MAMA ON MY _!**

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**The Best Part of Me...Was You**

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EPOV

_I shouldn't be here..._

_What the fuck am I doing here?_

My heart was pounding so fast that I could hardly breathe. I knew this was wrong…on so many levels.

I knew I should push away from this fucking wall and walk out the door.

_What am I doing here?_ It kept repeating over and over in my head like a broken record.

Internally, I knew I should move. I _wanted_ to move. I really did. My mind was screaming at me that I didn't want to do this…that I didn't want to be here. Even in this very fucked up moment, I was smart enough to realize that by allowing this to continue I was destroying the best thing that had ever happened to me.

But I didn't move…

I felt her lips on my neck and her hand moving up and down against my cock through my jeans as she simultaneously rubbed herself against my leg. She was saying something between the kisses that she was peppering up and down my neck from my ear to my chest, but I didn't hear a word of it. I couldn't comprehend anything that was being said.

As much as my mind knew it, my body was not cooperating. She continued her movements and I leaned against the wall with my drink in one hand and the other plastered on the wall next to me like it was a life preserver.

She kept trying to kiss my lips, but I turned my head.

I couldn't touch her.

I could hear the music booming from the party downstairs and could faintly hear voices and laughing.

The really fucked up thing was that for some reason, _parts_ of me were enjoying this. My cock was rock fucking hard, so I must be enjoying it, right?

How could I possibly be enjoying this when I was so _not_ enjoying this?

Even my inner monologue wasn't making sense.

"Edward" she moaned and slid down further.

She unzipped my pants and slid her hand inside, making contact with my erection.

Her hands were wrong, cold. The smells in the room? No, they were wrong too. They weren't the sweet, lavender scents that I had come to associate with this act.

I heard her moan again and then felt the wetness as she slid me into her mouth. At the feel of it, I moaned too. On instinct, my hand moved from the wall to the top of her head. I didn't move it or run my fingers through her hair, but I was touching her head none the less and I could feel my stomach turning at what I was allowing to happen.

I had let go of my life preserver and now I was sinking.

She stood and pulled me back with her towards the bed, a grin spread across her face. She has wanted this for so long.

When she fell back, I came down on top of her, my drink splashing on the floor and on the bed next to us.

That sudden motion was apparently enough to clear my head enough to again remember how fucking wrong this was.

"Fuck, I can't do this" I said as I started to pull away.

She grabbed onto the top of my open jeans trying to pull me back down. "Edward…don't go baby. I will make you feel so good"

I pushed her hands away, "No...God, No Tanya…I'm so sorry I didn't stop this…right away…but this is not going to happen. I _can't_ be here".

As I was scrambling off the bed, I could see her pulling at her top, and with the fucking skills of Houdini she had her tits out and on alert within seconds. I barely registered them, shaking my head. Trying to find clarity.

"Tanya, stop. Seriously, this is _NOT_ happening"

She tried to reach for me again, but I had already turned and started to zip my jeans.

My eyes immediately squinted from the sudden intrusion of light from the hallway.

Someone had opened the door.

I knew immediately who it was before my eyes even had a chance to focus. Like some fucking electrical surge, I could always feel her enter a room before I even saw her.

I fluttered my eyes closed a couple more times to allow them to adjust and then focus directly on her.

She didn't speak…she didn't even look pissed…she was just standing there. She didn't take her eyes from mine, even as I finished zipping and buttoning my jeans. She didn't look at Tanya, who was still, I assumed, on the bed behind me.

Our eyes remained locked and I watched as huge silent tears started rolling down her cheeks. She was so still…no other facial expression. She just kept looking at me. It was like I was having an out of body experience. Everything was in slow motion. My head felt cloudy, confused even.

I could feel myself actually gasp as I watched the tears fall…because it had always been that way… when she hurt, I hurt. It was my job to protect her and I knew that I was causing this pain that she was feeling now. It paralyzed me.

"Bella…" I said in almost a whisper as I started to move towards her, arms reaching out, eyes pleading.

She still didn't speak, but she put her hands out in front of her, silently begging me to stop.

I did.

"Bella, please. I know how this looks…fuck…" the tears were now pooling in my own eyes as it began to really hit me how monumentally I had fucked up. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't have sex with her…I promise, Bella. Fuck…I am so sorry". I couldn't seem to get a coherent sentence to form. At least not one that would help extract me from this mess I had created. Why is my head so cloudy?

I made to move forward again, but her arms remained extended in front of her and she kind of jetted them out a little more as she spoke. Her head shook slowly from side to side, but her eyes remained locked on mine. "Please…please Edward, don't come any closer".

I stopped.

The tears continued falling from her eyes, but otherwise there was still no expression on her face.

"Bella, please…"

I knew there was still music booming below from a party that was in full swing, but for some reason, the silence from her was deafening. I could actually hear my heart pounding.

I didn't move any closer, I continued to stand there, pleading with my eyes.

After what seemed like forever, her eyes dropped, her arms fell in defeat and she let out a deep breath that she must have been holding.

"I suppose there are a lot of things I should say right now" she started wiping tears from her eyes, "or maybe yell? …but none of them would change anything. No words would erase what I just walked in on…" She swept her hand out across the room. It was eerie how quiet she was, how detached she looked…and I didn't know what to do.

"Bella, please just let me…let's go somewhere and talk okay? Let me explain wh…"

Her eyes shot back to mine. "No" she said, again as a whisper. There was no anger in her voice as her head slowly moved back and forth. That one little word sounded so final. I wanted her to scream at me. This frightened me.

"I've loved you since I was 5 years old Edward Cullen…It was…it was as easy as breathing". She still looked only in my eyes, but now she had this strange smirk on her face, "And I would have given my life for you, you know? It never even occurred to me that you would do something like this. I never would have lumped you in with all the cheating assholes of Forks…" she was still fucking whispering and kind of looking through me now instead of at me.

She spoke again in the same soft, detached tone. "Now?" she whispered, "Now, I…I just don't want to know you anymore".

"Bella!" It came out in a loud sob, "Please, please don't do this…You know me. I am not those guys. You _know_ I love you. Please…I'm so sorry!" I started to walk towards her again, intent on holding onto her even if she tried to push me away. I knew I fucked up but I _could_ make this better. I _would_ make this better. I just had to get a hold of her so I could explain. If I could just touch her skin, the connection we had would compel her to at least listen.

I didn't get the chance.

Just as I got to her, a body came between us.

"Back the fuck up Cullen!"

Rosalie.

"Rosalie, seriously…please just…I just need to talk to Bella"

"No, asshole. You don't need to talk to Bella. You need to get your fucking skank dressed and out of my fucking room!"

I heard a giggle, remembering now that Tanya was still behind me. I glanced back to see that she remained in the middle of the bed, leaning back on her elbows, tits still on full display she was smirking at the scene before her.

I didn't say anything I just turned my head back towards the door. "Bella, let's jus…"

She wasn't there!

"Bella!" I yelled as I pushed past Rose. I couldn't see her in the hallway and practically took the stairs on my ass I was moving down them so quickly.

"Fuck Cullen, slow down" Emmett laughed from the bottom of the stairs. "Where's the fucking fire?"

"Have you seen Bella?" I was frantic by this point. My eyes darting back and forth, scanning as much of the room as I could through this haze I was navigating.

"No man, I haven't seen her. What's wrong?" He could see the panic on my face now.

"I have to find Bella!"

Just then Alice rounded the corner with a visibly pissed off look on her face and I knew instantly that she had seen Bella.

"Alice! Where is she?"

"She doesn't want to see you Edward"

"No…god, no! I have to talk to her. Please Alice, where is she?"

"Dude, what the fuck is going on?" Emmett asked again.

Alice responded with venom in her voice, "I'll tell you what's going on. Edward here just got caught with his pants down…literally. That's what happened"

Emmett immediately turned his stare back to me with a look of confusion and shock. "What'd you do?"

"Alice…please, tell me where she is. I swear to god, I did not fuck her! I need to explain…I need to talk to Bella"

I was in full on groveling mode now. I could feel the wetness on my face, so I knew that I was in fact crying in a room full of people. I didn't care. I needed to fix this.

"Whoa, what? Wait…what are we talking about? _Who_ didn't you fuck? You didn't fuck _Bella_?" Emmett was still trying to work through the scene before him.

Alice let out a sigh, rolled her eyes and put her hands on my shoulders. "Calm down and breathe, okay? Just give her a little bit. Imagine what you would be feeling right now if the situation were reversed. She'll talk to you, I'm sure of it. But tonight? Not gonna happen, buddy".

I flopped down on the bottom step and dropped my head into my hands. I could feel all of the eyes on me, but honestly, none of them mattered. I could hardly breathe.

"Edward, what did you do?" Emmett asked again as he sat down beside me.

What did I do? I thought to myself…I just made the biggest mistake of my life, that's what I did.

And the only person I had to blame was me.

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A/N: So, there ya go...Please let me know what you thought...and come find me on twitter justagirl1237 (note the diff in #'s)

Story Rec's:

Nothing Else Matters - .net/s/6192684/1/

Rapture - .net/s/5863816/1/

The Brat Pack - .net/s/5868071/1/

It's Just Lunch - .net/s/5383669/1/


	2. Oh What A Web We Weave

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**This is my first Fic. I hope you will enjoy it. The title came from lyrics in The Script song "Breakeven" (Falling To Pieces).**

**DaniaMCullen is my Beta and my FanFiction Guru. She's walked me through every step of the process and I am forever grateful.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, KINDLY CLICK THE LITTLE "X" ON THE RIGHT SO I CAN SLEEP EASY TONIGHT!**

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CHAPTER 2

I spent the next hour after Bella disappeared, sitting on the front step with Emmett and Jasper.

The only thing I wanted to do was find Bella…but Alice and Rosalie insisted that if I didn't give her some time, it was only going to get worse. Worse? How the fuck could it get any worse?

Still, I had to trust them. They had been Bella's best friends for a long time. They knew her almost as well as I did. They promised me that they would be with her and they would explain to her that I didn't do anything, that I told Tanya no and that I was getting out of there.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the complete truth, but admitting that I didn't stop it faster was not something I volunteered. We were the only people in that room. I'd lie my ass of if Tanya told them otherwise. Wrong or not, I needed my girl back.

Alice was one of those people who could almost see the future. She was wise beyond her little pixie years. I trusted her to help bring Bella back to me.

"God man, what the fuck were you thinking? Tanya? Really?" Jasper asked as he shook his head.

"I don't even know how I got there Jazz" I responded, holding my head in my hands, still spinning from the drinks, spinning from all that was happening.

"So what happened?" Emmett interjected as he sat down. He handed me a bottle of water. He must have left to get it. I didn't even realize he was gone. The last thing I heard from him was when he told Rose to go, he would make sure everyone got out of the house before she got back.

"I don't know, dude. Bella called me at like six to say she was running late. I was pissed off, ya know, because this was like the third time this week her and Newton have been in that store room doing 'inventory'" I motioned with air quotes.

It was stupid really, because I knew nothing would ever happen with Bella and Mike. As much as he clearly wanted her, I trusted her. It still pissed me off though. Not just that they were alone together, but that it was monopolizing my time with her.

"Anyway, I had a beer…you were here Emmett, remember? You guys started playing some stupid fucking card game. I went and sat in the living room. I had a couple more drinks…two, maybe three, I suppose. She still wasn't here" I sighed. "My head started to feel really fuzzy, my stomach kind of hurt…so, I went upstairs to lie down until she got here. I barely got in the bedroom and laid down on Rose's bed when I heard the door close. I should have gotten the fuck out right then…Tanya asked me if I was alright and I told her I was just having kind of a shitty night" I took a much needed breath. "It started before I even had a chance to think. There's no fucking excuse, I know that, but she started kissing my neck and running her hand against my dick…I shot up and stood by the wall. I told her no, man…but I should have just gotten the fuck out of there. She's never going to forgive me…"

"Do you blame her?" Jasper laughed. "Like Alice said, what if you had walked in on her and a guy in the same position?"

I actually growled. "I would have killed the mother fucker!"

"Exactly! I hope she forgives you man, I really do…but if she doesn't…"

"I know...I have no one to blame but myself. I just…I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want Tanya. I've never wanted anyone but Bella". Tears that I didn't even realize I'd produced began hitting my jeans like hail. "What am I going to do?"

_I've known Bella since we were kids. She was 5 and I was 6 when my parents moved us to Forks. At first, I couldn't stand her. She was such an annoying little girl. _

_There are two things you discover pretty quickly about Forks, Washington. Number one, it rains all the time. This is not an exaggeration…all the fucking time. The second is that there is mossy green shit and trees everywhere. EVERYWHERE. _

_When all the kids in the neighborhood would get together to play in the woods, Bella was always there and would inevitably end up getting hurt somehow. She was the clumsiest person I had ever met. Still is to this day. _

_She got on my nerves like no other. "Edward…" she would say, "one day you are going to marry me!" I'd laugh at her when she'd say it, because even at six years old I couldn't imagine ever liking her, let alone marrying her. Girls were gross._

_It remained that way for the next couple of years. Bella always tagging along, annoying me. When I got into little league, she was at every practice, every game…just sitting in the stands smiling and cheering. _

_When I was 9 I had my first little girlfriend. Her name was Jane Volturi. We were 9 years old for fuck sake, so the extent of our relationship consisted of walking her home from school and the occasional kiss on the cheek. I guess Bella wasn't really 'aware' that Jane was my girlfriend since she was in the grade below me and I didn't see her during the day. One afternoon I was walking Jane home and Bella and Rose came bopping along. I was holding Jane's hand as they neared us and to this day I will never forget the look on Bella's face. She looked so hurt. Bella being Bella though, she walked straight up to Jane, hands on her hips and informed her "Just so you know, I'm going to marry Edward…so you should just go find another boy to hang all over". She then proceeded to bend down, scoop up a handful of mud and smear it all over Jane's dress. _

_I remember Jane cried and told me I wasn't her boyfriend anymore, before stalking off towards her house. I was so mad at Bella I could hardly think straight. "Go away Bella!" I screeched at her and took off towards my own house. I told my mom what happened when I got home and she laughed while she stroked my hair. "Oh Edward" she said in her motherly tone, "Bella's a good girl. Be kind to her…because one day you may change your mind". _

_HA! I thought. That will never happen._

_I got over the Jane incident eventually, after countless night in tears, wondering Why?…Okay, that's a lie… it was probably a week or so, but at my age it seemed like a lifetime._

_We all went back to playing together as usual, minus Jane. It remained that way for a long time._

_I remember exactly when everything changed. I was 14 years old. I was on my way home from baseball practice and I remember thinking that it was odd that Bella wasn't there. She had become kind of a constant at all my sporting events and it wasn't like her to skip. We'd actually become pretty good friends over the past few years too. She was kind of a tomboy and we would spend hours back in the woods just talking and playing, catching frogs or swimming in the creek. It got to the point that Bella actually knew more about my thoughts than even Emmett or Jasper. _

_Of course, she was still clumsy as hell so I had made it clear quite some time ago that she was no longer allowed to climb the trees. The last two times she had, she fell out and I ended up carrying her to the hospital on the other side of town. The last time, she actually broke her wrist and that was the deal breaker…no more climbing._

_Anyway, on this particular day, I was walking along when I saw something out of the corner of my eye moving in the bushes by Bella's house. We lived around the corner from each other so it wasn't unusual to be passing her house. I walked a little closer to see what it was. We lived so close to the woods, literally in our back yards, that I thought it might be a rabbit or a skunk. Something looking for food._

_I picked up a stick and swatted the bushes. There was no way I was sticking my hand or head in there. People had reported seeing wolves in the woods lately too and I had no idea if the rustling was just that._

"_OUCH!" I heard as I smacked away._

"_Bella?"_

_She didn't answer._

"_What are you doing in there?"_

_Still no answer._

_I dropped the stick and pushed some of the branches out of the way. I could see her nestled back a ways with her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms around them and her head laying on them._

"_What's wrong?"_

_She didn't lift her head, but she finally spoke. "Go away Edward" she said in a shaky voice._

_I knew something was very wrong then. Bella had been my shadow for so long, there was no way she would ever send me away. _

_I got down on my hands and knees and crawled into the bushes. "Bella, what's the matter?"_

_She looked up at me and I gasped. I had never seen Bella look this way. Her face was so pale and sad. "God Bella, what happened to you?"_

_She just kept looking at me._

"_Bella!" I said a little louder this time._

"_My mom and dad are getting a divorce" she said in such a small voice, I almost couldn't hear her. "My mom is moving to Florida and I guess I'm going in a few months when she finds a place…"_

_Her eyes filled with tears and she dropped her head back onto her knees. I wasn't quite sure what to do so I did what my mom always did when I was sad…I started stroking her hair._

_I felt her relax a little but she still didn't lift her head. _

_A million thoughts were going through my mind as I rubbed her hair. Bella and I were friends and of course I felt sad that she would be moving away. Some of the best talks I had ever had were with Bella back in the woods. I'd never really had a girlfriend since the whole Jane thing and never thought of Bella that way. I just really liked talking to her. I liked hanging out with her. _

_Something felt different now though that I knew she was leaving. I was more than sad. I just always thought Bella would be around._

_I kept stroking her hair for a long time and finally she sighed and lifted her head. "Well, I guess you won't have annoying little Bella driving you crazy anymore, huh? Guess the wedding is off" she said with a sad little snort. _

_I didn't laugh._

_I just kept staring at her. I didn't even realize that I was still rubbing her hair._

_Something had definitely shifted in me. I was only 14, but I knew that what I was feeling right now was so much more than sadness at the thought of my little playmate leaving. I realized that I felt a lot more for Isabella then I had even registered. _

"_Edward?" she said as she looked at me in confusion. "You okay?"_

_Without even thinking about it, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. I could feel her breathing hitch. We didn't close our eyes, just kept looking at each other. The kiss was pretty innocent. It didn't progress beyond lips brushing against each other. There were no tongues involved._

_But that moment in the bushes outside her house changed everything for me. From then on, Isabella Swan was mine. And she owned me completely._

_Things stayed pretty innocent between us over the next couple of months. I would hold her hand sometimes and we shared more chaste kisses, but as innocent as it all was, I still knew this was something really special. I could feel electricity between us. It didn't matter where I was, it could be a crowded mall, a cramped school auditorium…whatever…as soon as Bella walked in, I could feel her presence before I ever saw her. And I missed her when she wasn't around. I would get anxious, looking for reasons to call her or go by her house._

_Our friends would joke that we were "soul mates" and would sing that stupid fucking "sitting in a tree" song. I wasn't really sure what "soul mates" meant, but I knew I loved her in whatever capacity a 14 year old was capable. At my young age, I didn't really understand all of my feelings, but love was definitely one of them. I knew that I was not looking forward to the time when her mom would send word she was ready for Bella to join her in Jacksonville. The thought of that made me physically sick._

_One night Bella called me later than normal and I immediately panicked when I saw the caller ID. I knew the time was coming and I was afraid to answer the phone and have confirmation that it had arrived._

_I picked up the phone, but didn't say anything. _

"_Edward? Is that you?" she asked in her beautiful little voice._

"_Hey" was all I could muster._

"_So, my mom called tonight…" she began and my heart hit the floor. This was it._

"_When are you leaving?"_

"_Geez, Edward! Wanna get rid of me much, or what?" she laughed_

"_It's not funny, Bella. Just tell me, okay?"_

_She laughed again and this time, to be honest, it kind of pissed me off. Why was she so casual and calm? Apparently she wasn't going to miss me as much as I already missed her._

"_Edward, can you sneak out for a few minutes and come see me?"_

_That actually stopped my breathing all together. Was she leaving in the morning or something? _

"_Um…yeah. I'll be there in like ten minutes, okay?"_

"_Okay…be quiet when you get here. I'll meet you by the edge of the trees. Bye!"_

_Bella and I had a regular spot where we would meet, just on the outskirts of her property by the entrance to the woods. I cringed at the thought that this would probably be the last time I would met her there._

_I went downstairs and said goodnight to my parents. "I'm gonna go to bed" I said as I rounded the corner to the kitchen. It was about quarter to ten so that was believable. _

"_You feeling okay sweetie?" my mom asked. "You look a little pale"_

"_Yeah, I'm just really tired, I guess. I'll see you guys in the morning"_

_With that, I turned and made my way back up to my room. I had a balcony outside my room so it was always easy for me to sneak out if I wanted to. I never really did, except the occasional trip to talk to Bella or sometimes to meet Jasper and Emmett out back. _

_I threw on a clean t shirt and just to be safe, locked my bedroom door. Quietly I opened the patio door and began the climb down the fire escape. _

_Since Bella didn't live that far down the road, it only took me a few minutes to get there. It was dark, but I could see her sitting on the stump waiting for me._

"_Hey" I said as I approached._

_She looked at me and smiled. Just as it had more and more over the past couple months, my heart fluttered at the mere sight of her. _

_I walked up to her and gave her a small kiss on the forehead before taking a seat across from her._

"_So?" I asked…she already knew the question._

"_I'm leaving tonight" she said in a very even voice, "so I just wanted to say goodbye. It's been nice knowing you"_

_I almost laughed. It's been nice knowing me? What was that?_

"_Bella, what the…? You act like you don't even care that you're leaving!"_

_She smiled again. "Yeah well, it's time for a change, don't ya think?"_

_My mouth hung open now. I had no idea I meant so little to her._

"_Um…okay" I said with obvious shock in my tone, "Guess I'll see you then"_

_I started to get up and I was really trying to put on a good show here. I was actually dying inside, but as casual as she was acting, I couldn't let her see that._

"_Take care Bella"_

_I turned and started to walk back in the direction of my house._

_I heard her giggling again and now I was really pissed. I turned around quickly, assessed the big shit eating grin on her face and just got angrier by the second._

"_What the fuck Bella? I thought… I thought there was more here than this! If I'd have known…"_

_She started actually laughing louder now. Bitch._

"_Whatever…" I said as I turned around and started walking again._

"_Edward!" she said through giggles, "Wait!"_

"_What?" I turned, now completely frustrated._

"_I'm not going anywhere, Edward! I'm just messing with you!"_

"_What?" I was breathing again._

"_I talked to my parents and told them that I didn't want to leave Forks. I explained that all my friends where here and…"_

"_You're not moving?" I asked to make sure I understood correctly._

"_No, they said I could stay here with my dad and..."_

_She didn't even get to finish her sentence because I practically tackled her when I ran back over and pulled her face to mine._

"_Damn it Bella, don't ever do that again!" I said as I peppered her face with kisses._

_This was without a doubt more real kissing then we had ever done. It was desperate. And the longer it went on, the more intense it became. Finally, it went well beyond our usual chaste kisses and I found myself slipping my tongue into her mouth. She didn't resist, her tongue fought mine for access. It was really fucking hot. Well as hot as I could imagine at 14 anyway._

_Finally after about half an hour, she broke away first. I immediately missed the contact. _

_I looked into her eyes, silently questioning the interruption._

"_I love you, Edward Cullen" she said very matter of fact. "I told you…one day I will marry you"._

_The funny thing was, for the first time, I actually believed her_.

It felt like a lifetime, as the three of us sat on Rosalie's front step. I just couldn't wrap my head around everything that had happened. It wasn't like me. I had never even thought about fucking around on Bella.

I'm a teenage guy, I'm not blind. Of course I did the "sneak a peek" look when I saw a pretty girl. You know that maneuver? The one where you attempt to look without your girl catching you? They always do though and Bella would just roll her eyes and laugh at me. "Perv", she'd say. I also wasn't above the occasional Google search for porn. I even had a couple good sites in my favorites.

But this? I just don't know what I was thinking…or not thinking, I guess would be a better way to put it.

"Edward?" I heard from behind me. I immediately cringed.

All three of us turned at once to see Tanya and her friend Kate standing in the doorway. Kate had a sympathetic look on her face that I couldn't quite understand. "Could I talk to you for a second?" Tanya asked.

"No" both Emmett and Jasper blurted out at the same time. I just sat there, looking back down at my hands.

"Oh shut the fuck up!" she responded. "Even though you two seem to think you own his left nut, Edward is a big boy. He doesn't need you answering for him. Edward?"

I sighed. "I'll be right back".

Jasper and Emmett looked at me like I grew a horn in my forehead, but didn't say anything. I got up and followed her to the side of the house.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't angry with her. Yeah, my life was a hundred shades of fucked up right now, but just because she came in that bedroom didn't mean I had to let what happened, happen.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Bella. I mean…I'm not sorry about what happened, but I thought you were on your own tonight or I wouldn't have made a move".

That was kind of a fucked up statement, but "It's not your fault, Tanya" I said in exasperation, "I'm the one in the relationship. I shouldn't have let that happen. I just hope Bella will forgive me".

"Listen Edward…I know you're with _Bella_" she said her name with an eye roll "but if things don't work out the way you hope…call me, kay?" Then she gave a little smile, rocking back and forth in that coy little way girls do.

"No…Tanya. I fucked up huge! I know that. But I'm going to fix things with Bella. Nothing like that is ever going to happen again, okay? Goodnight". I didn't give her a chance to respond, I just made my way quickly back to Jasper and Emmett.

Finally accepting that Bella wasn't coming back to the house, I said goodbye to the guys and decided to head home. Before I left the driveway, I sent Bella a text.

**Bella – call me. I just want 2 talk 2 u. **

**2 know u made it home ok. **

**I love u Bella. Please?**

I drove by Bella's house. Her lights were off. The Chief's car was in the driveway. I drove by Alice's and hers was dark as well. I wasn't sure where else to look. When I got to my house I made my way upstairs, still feeling off. My head was pounding like crazy now so I decided to take a quick shower.

As the water cascaded down my body, I leaned against the shower wall and thought about Bella. How she must be feeling right now. What I was going to do when she finally agreed to speak with me.

When I got back to my room there was a text message from Bella.

**Edward – I apparently didn't make myself clear…**

**DO NOT call, text, speak 2 me again!**

**Whatever excuse u have – I don't want to hear it.**

Well shit.

I lay down on my bed and looked at her text over and over. My head still hurt, but it was a little better. As my eyes fluttered closed I tried to put together my plan for the next day. It wasn't going to be easy, but I would get her to talk to me.

The next morning I moved a little slower then usual. I must have had more to drink then I remembered. I was way hung over.

I tried to call Bella twice, even on their home phone. Chief Swan answered and didn't appear to know what had happened. "No, she's not home Edward. She stayed the night at Rosalie's" he said in an even tone. He never really liked me, I suppose because I was dating his daughter, but he always tried to be cordial to me at least.

I called Rose's. No answer.

Called Alice. Her mom said she wasn't home.

Called Emmett and he said he talked to Rose earlier, but she said the girls were having a day to themselves and he was to "play with the boys". I asked him if she said anything about how Bella was doing and he said when he tried to ask, Rose just said "Any discussion about Bella is off the table".

I took a shower & got dressed. My house was really quiet so my parents must have gone out somewhere. I wandered around for a while, ate some Coco Puffs and just as I sat down in front of the television, Jasper called.

"Hey dude…you can't just sit around sulking. I talked to Alice and they are working on Bella. She'll come around. Let's go do something".

After about twenty minutes, he finally convinced me to leave the house. I picked him up and we went to the little diner in town for coffee. Something to make my frickin' head feel better.

"You must have drunk a lot last night" Jasper chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen you so hung over".

I just nodded my head and nursed my coffee… trying to keep the sounds of the clinking plates and glasses out.

Once we left the diner we just drove around aimlessly for a while until I was finally able to convince Jazz to go by Rosalie's house. "I think it's a bad idea" he warned, but I had to see her.

We pulled up outside and I called Alice's cell phone. She was the least likely to tell me to fuck off.

"Edward…I told you to just give her some time. What are you doing here?"

"Please Alice? Just get her to come down and talk to me. Just talk"

She told me she'd try, so Jazz and I hopped up on the hood of my car and just sat there waiting. He didn't say anything else. What could he say?

I was about to call again when the front door opened.

Bella.

Bella…looking really fucking sad.

She was a mess. She was now dressed in sweats and a pull over sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled on top of her head in a clump. But her eyes…it was her eyes that broke me. They were swollen and red. Obviously a lot of tears had been shed over the course of the night.

I walked up to her, her arms hugging her waist like a life preserver.

Life preserver…I flashed back to the night before when I felt like the wall next to me was mine.

"Hi" I said quietly.

She didn't respond. She just kept her eyes down, moving her foot back and forth over a crack in the step.

"Bella…I didn't do anything with Tanya". My throat burned as I said it, because I knew it wasn't entirely true.

"What happened?" she responded in a tiny voice.

"I was waiting for you…you didn't come so I went upstairs to lie down. I wasn't feeling well and…"

"And the fact that I was late meant you should hook up with that whore?"

She was finally, finally angry. She looked right at me and I thought of those cartoons where the smoke comes out of their ears. I expected it to start happening to Bella any second. I liked angry though…it was a million times better than detached.

"Bella, I was laying on Rose's bed. She came in and started kissing me and grabbing my…well, she was grabbing at me. I got up and realized she undid my jeans. I was getting the fuck out of there when you came in".

She kept watching me, but the smoke stopped bellowing so we were making progress.

"Edward, you know how I feel about her"

"And you know I'm not interested in anyone but you…" That was a true statement.

"Nothing happened? You promise me…nothing?"

"Nothing" I. Am. Scum.

She studied me for a few more minutes. I maintained eye contact. That's what you are supposed to do when you want someone to believe you, right?

Finally she sighed. "Okay"

I breathed. The first real breathe I had taken in the past fifteen or whatever hours.

And then I slowly moved closer to her, gently touching her covered arms with my hands. I started massaging them slightly, trying to encourage her to release her grip on herself.

Bella leaned forward enough to lay her forehead against my chest and I knew in that instant that we would be okay.

We sat on the steps of Rosalie's house talking for about an hour. I steered clear of any other details from the night before in that bedroom. I just kept reminding her how much I loved her. Again, this was a true statement. I was going to push what happened away. It would never happen again, that was for sure.

I left Bella at Rose's. She was happier now, but said that she needed "girl time". I didn't argue. She was talking to me, letting me kiss her and hold her. That was enough for now.

The next morning, I picked up Bella for school as usual. She was much happier today. The girl time must have taken away the rest of the sadness.

"Morning baby" I sighed into her hair as I hugged her.

By the time lunch came, I was finally starting to feel like myself again. My head didn't hurt and my girl was back at my side where she belonged.

"What days do you work this week?" I asked her, plopping a piece of a cookie in my mouth.

"Mmmm…Tuesday and Thursday….and then Saturday, but only for 4 hours".

I was going to propose a date night. Just the two of us. Bella's cell rang and she reached for her backpack to retrieve it.

Seconds later my cell buzzed too so I released the back of her chair and fished it out of my pocket.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

I looked up in shock and realized that everyone at our table was looking at their cell phones too. Bella was still digging in her bag. "Where is my phone?" she muttered under her breath.

All I could do was hope that fucking thing, by some miracle, would suddenly disintegrate to dust before she found it.

I looked back at my phone.

One thing was for certain.

The night in Rosalie's room? We were _**definitely**_ not alone.

I was quite sure of this fact, because at the moment I, and I assumed everyone else at this table, was staring at a picture of me…

….against the wall in Rose's room

….with Tanya sucking my dick.

I faintly heard Bella next to me, "Oh! There it is…"

* * *

A/N: Look it there? Second chapter, second cliffie! Love me yet? I know some people are going to be pissed at Edward…at least I hope you are. I tried to write him like I remember high school boys. I can't think of a one I knew who would fess up if they didn't have to. I'm sure they are out there but this Edward might irritate you for a while! Stick with me and I'll do my best to make it worth the ride!

Story Recs:

This is the hardest part for me, because there are so many amazing stories out there. Maybe if y'all keep reading I can share all my favs with you

I think everyone is reading this already, but if you're not – The unaccompanied Soul…..net/s/5746842/1/

Men Without Eyes – Only a few chapters in, but so, so good - .net/s/6272795/1/

Your Voice Was All I Heard – I want to kick this Carlisle's ass - .net/s/5888382/1/

And for Vampire Academy fans, check out Helpless A Last Sacrifice - .net/s/6115149/1/


	3. How Did We Get Here

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my fantastic Beta – if you are not following MMAward, you need to be. He's hot as hell! Follow her on twitter too…she'll corrupt you like no other! I cannot thank her enough for pulling me off the ledge on almost a daily basis. Without her, this story would not be posting. "Watch your tenses girl" will be forever etched in my brain!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, KINDLY CLICK THE LITTLE "X" ON THE RIGHT SO I CAN SLEEP EASY TONIGHT!**

A/N: I'm putting a note up here this time, because I wanted to warn you. Grab a sandwich, bottle of wine and possibly a bed pan…this chapter is really long! I had planned to have some of this broken up throughout the story in mini-flashbacks but it sort of took on a life of its own and it felt right to put as much as I did in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

EPOV

"Oh! There it is…" Bella says as she holds up her cell phone with a smile.

She immediately notices the expression on my face, her expression changing to one of horror. I must look white as a ghost. My mouth is so dry it's hard to even make enough saliva to swallow.

"Edward? What's wrong?" she asks, panic stricken, "Oh my god…Are you choking?"

Before she can say or do anything else, I practically lunge over her, scaring the shit out of her in the process. I can tell as much by how huge her eyes are as I descend, reaching out for the hand with the phone. I'm having flashbacks again of time moving so slowly. It takes probably half a second for my hand to close around hers but in that time I can make out every fleck of sunlight in her eyes, every freckle on her face. It's as if I'm putting it all to memory in the event I don't get to be this close to her again.

"Bella…give me your phone" I try, unsuccessfully, to maintain some sense of calm.

"What? What's going on?" she says with confusion as I pull the phone from her hand and hold it like it's a grenade without the pin.

"Holy shit!" comes from the other end of the table.

Mixed in with all the chaos going on in my mind, I'm still holding out hope that it's just a coincidence that everyone was on their phones at that moment. We are teenagers…we text the person sitting next to us and think nothing of it. I know better, but I'm hoping. Any shred of reprieve is dashed when I hear those words. They are all looking at Tanya sucking my dick.

Bella looks across the table at the owner of said word vomit, Alice.

"What's wrong?" she questions and everyone's eyes move to her. "Seriously? What the hell is the matter with everyone?"

She registers now that everyone has a phone in their hand. Not just at our table, but there are people scattered throughout the cafeteria, holding phones, eyes fixed on her.

Her eyes move around in confusion and then all at once it's as if a light bulb goes off over her head. Her expression changes to anger.

"Edward…." she says through gritted teeth as she flings her hand out towards me.

"Bella…"

"Hand me the fucking phone, Edward. NOW!"

I continue to clutch it to my chest. Thinking through every crazy fucking scenario I can come up with of how I can stop this. I come up blank.

"EDWARD!" her voice pierces through the cafeteria, which has now become so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

I plead with my eyes and slowly shake my head back and forth. "Bella, please…"

I don't know what she thinks is on the phone. Whatever it is can not be as horrible as what is actually there, but regardless, the huge silent tears reappear.

Detached Bella reappears.

"Edward" she says in a monotone whisper, "give me my phone, please."

"Can we go outside?" I beg and stand.

"No. Hand me my phone please."

Alice's voice is in the background now. "Bella honey…please? Let's just go outside and..."

"GIVE ME MY PHONE!"

I'm not crying this time. I'm so lost I can't even find it in me to cry or beg any further. I knew the minute I handed her the phone, that was it. She would never speak to me again. There is no way of talking my way out of this. I imagine what I'm feeling now is how people feel when they go into shock. Like when someone dies and you just get through everything you need to first and then fall apart. In about ten seconds she won't be my Bella anymore and the thought of that is crippling.

I hand her the phone and sit down next to her, waiting for the death of our relationship.

Bella turns the phone over and moves her fingers across the screen. Then she is still.

It's so fucking quiet in here.

A sharp intake of breathe. It sounds like someone gasping for their last.

"Bella?" Rose and Alice say in unison.

I can't look up at her. I am so ashamed and afraid of what I will see there.

I feel the chair next to me shift as she gets up. She doesn't say anything and I'm almost daring to hope that she didn't get the text I did. I slowly lift my head to look at her face and then it's me who takes that last breath.

Bella is looking directly at me with not anger…but hate. She hates me.

"Bella…" I whisper.

She shakes her head and walks away. I don't get up to follow her. There is nothing I can say. I'm sorry just doesn't seem like the right thing to say right now. Rosalie and Alice follow.

"Edward?" Jasper says as he moves the two chairs over so he is sitting next to me. I don't want to look at him either.

I stand from the table, walk out the door vaguely aware of all the people watching me, out of the building and directly to my car. I suppose someone will call my parents and tell them I didn't show up for afternoon classes. I don't care.

When I get to my house my parents are at work. The thought of food making me nauseous, I go upstairs to my room, lock the door and crawl into my bed.

I can't sleep, obviously. But I can reflect. Reflect on the amazing girl that is no longer part of my life. Reflect on all the time we had spent together. Reflect on how we got here…

_After that night in the woods, Bella and I were almost inseparable. The next few years went by so quickly. Before I knew it I was a senior and my beautiful Bella, a sophomore. _

_We dated as most teenagers do. Went to movies, hung out with friends and more than anything…spent time in our woods laughing and talking. Bella's dad had started dating recently and she was not happy about that fact. It wasn't so much that he was dating per se, but that he had gotten pretty close to this one woman named Sue Clearwater. She was from the reservation, had a couple kids of her own. Bella suddenly felt like an outsider. Sue's kids liked fishing like Bella's dad. They liked watching sports on his fancy flat screen TV. They even liked going to the diner for dinner. Bella didn't like any of that. She preferred to just be with her dad at home, making him dinner and whatnot. I suppose that was the case for most kids with divorced parents, not wanting to share their parent with someone new?_

_I became more involved in sports as the years progressed…football, baseball. Bella leaned more towards the academics. She was involved in a math league, book clubs, the school newspaper and was on other committees like yearbook. _

_Bella had changed so much over this past summer. She'd always been beautiful with her long brown hair, big brown doe eyes, her skinny little body and long legs. But now, she had these curves that just about killed me every time I looked at her. _

_Bella and I didn't really discuss sex. I mean, we had done just about everything else over the summer except have actual intercourse. We'd seen each other naked. We had touched each other to the point of climax. We had used our mouths on each other. _

_The one time we actually discussed sex, Bella said she wasn't ready yet. I didn't ask again, because I figured when she was, she'd tell me. And honestly? What we were did already was really fucking good. I didn't want to be one of those dicks that said things like "If you love me, you will". I could wait._

_That shit was easier said then done though, I soon came to realize. My girl filled out so beautifully and almost better than her naked, was the sight of her in her little pink bikini. _

_I remember one day when we met everyone down at La Push, the local beach, as kind of a farewell to summer. When Bella removed her shorts and tank top, I nearly fell over. I don't know why it hit me so hard really, but it did. Her skin was sun kissed from so many days outside and it glistened with tanning lotion. Her breasts were pushed together so perfectly in the barely there pink bikini top. _

_Needless to say, I spent most of that day in the water so all of our friends wouldn't see my ever present hard on. Bella, of course, thought it was hilarious and teased me endlessly. Finally, she gave me a reprieve and sucked my dick while I used (what she called) my "magic fingers" on her in a canoe in the middle of the lake. Nobody could see us but I'm sure they all had opinions as to what we were did out there._

_On the first day of my senior year, I picked Bella up as I had for the last couple years. Bella's father was the chief of police. He spent a lot of time at the station these days so I wasn't worried about him watching through the window when I pulled her to me outside my car. I dragged my hand around the back of her and slid it between her skin and her jeans, moving it down to cup her ass._

_I leaned into her ear. "Ready for your first day as a junior, Ms. Swan?"_

"_mmm…" she purred, "that feels good... Yeah. How'bout you Mr. high & mighty senior?"_

_I laughed. "Well, I've been cool all along baby," I teased, "the benefit is really yours you see…since you'll get the pleasure of being seen with me in the senior parking lot…oh, and you get to say you are dating the hottest senior in the school of course"._

_Now she laughed. "Let me change that to Mr. High & Mighty, Full of Himself Senior"._

_I removed my hand from her pants and gave one small nibble to her ear before pulling away. "Let's go to school"._

_The lot was already full when we arrived. I immediately spotted Jasper and Emmett, thanks to Emmett's mammoth red jeep, and pulled in next to it. _

"_Hey douche" Emmett laughed as I exited the car and made my way around to Bella's door. _

"_What's up man" I gave him a lazy grin._

_Jasper and Emmett were the first kids I met when I moved to Forks. I could hear all this hollering coming from the woods behind my house one day so I went to check it out. I thought there was a fight or something because it was so loud. Turns out, it was just these two idiots flying from ropes into the creek. They invited me to play with them and we've been friends ever since._

_Emmett's very outgoing. Always has been. He's large, probably six-four and made of muscle. He can be quite intimidating, especially when you first meet him. But the second he speaks, he makes you feel like the most important person in the room. He's that gentle giant that you want to have in your corner, whether it's in a fight or when you just needed someone to talk to on a bad day. He's goofy and childlike at times. The best way to describe Em would be to picture that all-star American athlete. The one you see on TV giving a kid an autograph and the kid is just looking up at him like he hung the moon. That's how people react to Emmett._

_Jasper's a lot quieter but he's an original in his own right. He's smaller in stature and more lean then Emmett. He moved to Forks not long before I did from Texas. To this day, the boy has held onto his Southern drawl. I suppose because that's the way his dad sounds. The ladies love that. Jasper is a Southern gentleman through and through. He's not wimpy by any means, but he's definitely more in tune with people's feelings then anyone I've ever met. My father describes him as an "old soul". _

_Next to my boys was Rosalie Hale, Emmett's girlfriend who is also a senior. Rosalie and Bella had been friends since we were little. She's definitely a girly girl in that she dresses like she just popped out of a fashion magazine. Rosalie is tall. She must be almost six feet. Most of it legs…and she has this huge head of blonde hair. You have no choice but to notice her when she enters a room. She commands attention. Rose's also a tough bitch. And I mean that in the best possible way. _

_She's fiercely loyal to her friends. We affectionately call her "Mama Bear" because she will turn grizzly if you mess with "her people". I've never been on the receiving end of Rose's temper, but I've seen it enough to know that's some scary shit. She's yelled at me a couple times when I've pissed her off, but it's nothing compared to the wrath I've seen her lay down. _

_Even still, she and Emmett are a perfect match. They kind of ended up liking each other around the same time Bella and I did. Only they didn't admit it until this past summer. Therefore, their relationship was still pretty new at the start of the school year. Unfortunately, another big difference between our relationships was that Emmett & Rose actually were having sex. A lot of sex. And they hung on each other like dogs in heat most days. _

If I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm probably somewhere in the middle of Jasper and Emmett. I'm tall, six foot one and I try really hard to stay in shape. I have the six pack abs but definitely not the bulk of Emmett. Bella describes my hair as "organized chaos". It's reddish-brown and has a mind of its own. I don't even bother trying to tame that beast anymore. Wash it, shake it and go_._

_Our school was probably much like any other, separated into little cliques of jocks, nerds, etc. My crew fell into the jock category, so we were pretty popular I guess. My Bella though, she was not only part of my group but also had her own little clique with what would be considered the nerds. Because of the school paper and all that, she had friends I didn't really know. That was cool with me. I was glad that so many people liked her. _

Plus, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a raging hard on every time I saw her with her hair up and those sexy little glasses tipping off the end of her nose. She always wears her contact when we study, because otherwise, I can't keep my hands off her long enough to get anything done.

_Anyway…_

_Bella and I didn't have any classes together but we did share the same lunch period. At least I got to hang out with her then. We had also talked a couple of people into moving around so Bella could have the locker next to mine. I got to see her between classes for just a few seconds, but that was enough to get me by. _

_I can still remember the smells in the air that day, the sounds…We were just so frickin' happy and in love. After we put our shit in the lockers, Bella closed hers and leaned against it watching me. I closed mine, moved over to her and put my forearm on the locker next to her head, leaning in so we were close._

"_I'm going to miss you today" she whispered. "I've gotten used to having you to myself all summer"._

_I closed the gap between us and swept my lips around her ear. "I know baby, me too…but I'll see you at lunch, okay?"_

_She turned her head and kissed my cheek. "Alright, Mr. Senior…you go rule the school now, okay?" _

_Jasper and I made our way to our first class._

"_You two need to just close the fuckin' deal already" Emmett, who had just walked up, said in a low voice. "Your balls have got to be like their own invented shade of blue by now"._

_I laughed, but he was right. I was so ready to be with Bella and I didn't just mean fucking her. I really, really loved Bella. I wanted to make love to her._

"_Yeah…I hear ya brotha, but she's not ready yet. I can wait"_

"_You're a better man then I am dude. You should have tapped that shit like two years ago."_

_Emmett was a great friend, but that shit kind of pissed me off. "Dude…Don't talk about Bella like just a piece of ass."_

"_Sorry" he said as he held his arms up in surrender. "I'm just sayin'…Bella is a great girl. She is… but seriously? How much should a man have to take? You guys have been together since practically birth. What's she waiting for?"_

_I sighed. "I don't know…but until she gives me the go, I've just gotta wait. End of story."_

_The morning went by pretty quickly. Not a lot happens in the first days of school. _

_Just before lunch I hooked back up with Emmett and Jasper and we made our way to the lunch room. We didn't go to 'senior tables', we just gravitated to the same table we had shared since freshman year. _

_We sat talking for a few minutes before I felt her. I looked to the door and there was my beautiful Bella making her way into the cafeteria. She had a girl I didn't know with her and she led her to the food line. They were talking and giggling. I had to smile, I loved it when Bella laughed. _

"_Pussy and whipped, man…" Emmett joked as he watched me watching Bella. _

_Eventually they made their way to our table. "Mind if we sit with the elite?" she teased._

_I motioned to the chair next to mine. "You know this seat is always yours, beautiful girl" I winked at her._

"_Everybody…this is Alice. Alice…?" she looked to the girl next to her._

"_Brandon" she responded, "Alice Brandon." _

_She was a pretty cute girl. Not as tall as Bella, with short spiky black hair. Her body was tiny like Bella's but she didn't have the curves that my baby did. She sort of reminded me of a hippy chick…flowing clothes, loose hanging jewelry. _

"_Alice, this is my boyfriend Edward" she motioned to me, "and this is Emmett and that's Jasper." She looked around a little, "…and Rose should be around somewhere?"_

"_She has a different lunch" Emmett pouted._

"_Oh, well…you can meet her later. Alice is new this year. Her family just moved here and her dad is a teacher…English, right?"_

_Alice nodded. "Hey, everybody. It's nice to meet you!" She had a sweet little voice and a bubbly personality, I could tell already. It was no wonder my Bella scooped her up._

_Bella nestled in next to me and I kissed her nose. She started to tell me about her morning and how she had met Alice but when we turned to Alice to have her join in, she was completely lost in conversation with Jasper about something. And Jazz? My man was a goner. If it were actually possible for people to have sparkles and hearts shooting out of their eyes like you see in cartoons, I have no doubt I'd have witnessed it at this table. I don't think I've seen them apart if they didn't have to be since that day. _

_Tanya was also at our table that day, I remembered now. Tanya has always been kind of a thorn in my side. No! She's actually more like that little mosquito buzzing around your head. You try to get rid of it, swatting it away, but the little fucker just keeps coming back. I shouldn't be too harsh about her. I mean, she's not necessarily a BAD person. She's just always been very clear with me that she wants to hook up. _

_One night in October we went to a party at Emmett's house. Bella and I were not the type of couple that needed to hang on each other. I liked knowing she was around, feeling her presence, but when we were at a party we could go hang with our friends without that "you ignored me all night" that some girls pull or "I saw you talking to another guy" bullshit. _

_This night, it was getting pretty late and I knew I needed to get Bella back to her house before Chief Swan woke up. I'd only had a couple beers and was really careful to cut off completely the hour before so I could drive her. Usually I didn't turn down a couple hits off the joint being passed around, but when I was responsible for Bella, I did._

_I looked in several rooms, but didn't see her. I decided to make a pit stop in the bathroom before continuing my search. I did what I needed to do and opened the door back out into the hall. I barely had it open when someone's hand connected with my chest, pushing me back in the bathroom._

"_What the fu..." I started to say, when I realized it was Tanya Denali. Like I said, she'd had a crush on me since she moved to Forks freshman year. She was hot as all fuck, I'm not gonna lie…long blondish red hair, legs that went on forever, big tits. But she wasn't my Bella. _

"_Back it up Tanya" I said with a chuckle, trying to defuse the situation, as I started moving back to the door. She looked at me with what I assume was supposed to be a sexy smirk. "Oh, come on Eddie…the Virgin Mary is in the backyard. She'll never know we're in here."_

_Bella knew that Tanya hit on me all the time. She'd seen it. She also knew that my heart belonged to her and she had nothing to worry about. Sometimes we'd laugh about how pathetic her attempts were. It was hard to be mean to her because we shared a lot of the same friends, so Bella insisted that I just blow it off. There was no reason to turn it into a big deal when we knew how we felt._

"_Seriously…move," I said in a sharper tone._

"_I know that little girl is not giving you what you need Edward," she said, with her hand still on my chest, "all you need to do is move back one little foot so I can close this door and I will show you what a real woman can make you feel. I promise…she will never have to know."_

_She started to move her hand down from my chest towards my jeans. In turn, I grabbed her wrist and held it out away from me._

"_Listen…I am not trying to be a dick here but there is NOTHING you can give me that would be worth fucking up my relationship with Bella. You're a cool girl, Tanya…you can walk back out there and find fifty guys who would kill to go out with you."_

"_But I don't want those guys. I want you."_

_I was about to move past her, realizing that reasoning with this drunkin' mess wasn't going to work, when I heard a familiar voice._

"_I think you heard him bitch. Back. The. Fuck. Off."_

_That, ladies and gentleman, was MY girl._

_I smiled at her as our eyes connected. I don't know what she'd heard exactly, but she knew me and we didn't need to do that jealousy bullshit. _

"_Hey baby," I practically cooed at her._

"_Hey!" she smiled and turned her eyes back to Tanya. "This is your last get out of jail free card bitch. If you hit on him again, you will see 'the Virgin Mary' as you called me go fucking demonic."_

_My baby was badass. She didn't swear a lot, but when she did it always made my cock stir a little. _

_Tanya huffed and headed back out to the party. Bella walked into the bathroom pushed me back just a little and managed to close the door that Tanya had been unsuccessful in moving._

"_What are you doing naughty girl?" I teased._

_She smiled at me, but didn't say anything. Instead, she locked the door and reached out for the button on my jeans._

"_Shhh…just relax," she said in a tipsy little voice. She turned slightly and hit the light switch. The only light in the room now was from a small night light in the outlet next to the sink._

_Bella reached for the bottom of her dress and lifted it up over her head. In the faint light, I could see she was wearing a matching black lace panty and strapless bra thing. My dick was definitely hard now._

_I kissed her lips and then crouched down in front of her, taking her tiny little panties between my fingers and moved them down her legs. She lifted one foot at a time so I could remove them completely._

_I moved my hand up her thigh until I could feel the heat and wetness waiting for me._

"_I love you so much Bella" I whispered to her as I leaned my head forward, tasting her._

_After a couple minutes of moaning from Bella with my fingers and tongue moving rapidly, I knew we were getting close. Bella's legs were quivering so much; I thought she might fall over. As it was, she was trying to steady herself with her hand on top of my head._

"_Here baby," I whispered up to her, although I don't know why I was whispering because the party was so loud there was no way anyone could hear us, "Sit up here."_

_I backed her up a little to the vanity and stood up, lifting her by the waist and placed her on top of it. "Scoot forward just a little" I instructed._

_Knowing that she was now secure, I started to bend back down again to continue what I was doing, but Bella stopped me._

"_I want to feel you too," she said._

_She reached out and started to massage my cock. Moving her little fingers up and down the shaft. "Oh god, Bella. That feels so good."_

_I moved forward a little, allowing her to continue and very slowly reached between her legs. I rubbed her clit with my thumb and inserted one finger and then two, inside of her._

_She was so fucking warm. So wet._

_Bella kept stroking, but leaned her head back a little and moaned. I sped my movements and could feel her walls constricting around my fingers. I leaned forward and, after using my free hand to pull her bra down, took her nipple into my mouth._

"_Come for me baby girl!" I said, feeling my own release coming too._

"_Oh god…oh god!" she panted as she neared the edge, "Edward, fuck me!"_

_I stilled. Um….what?_

_Her head shot back up so she was looking at me with this shocked look in her eyes. I knew she was speaking in the heat of the moment, but it was still really hot. I kept moving my fingers and kissing her until she finally came. I came seconds later. I could feel Bella's pussy constricting and releasing my fingers and I closed my eyes with images of my cock receiving that massaging instead. I repeated her sentence in my mind, "Edward, fuck me!" and I was gone…_

_We didn't have sex that night, but we were definitely getting closer to it. I could feel the change in her body when we touched. She needed it too._

_A few weeks later, in early November we had actually discussed moving our relationship to the next level. Bella said she was ready and I was so excited it took everything I had not to pull her into an empty classroom before she could change her mind. _

_We ended up putting a lot of planning into that shit. We both agreed we didn't want it to be a quick fuck in the backseat of my car. Bella was already on the pill. She had been for a couple years. Something to do with really bad cramps during her period or something. Apparently the pill made it better. As I think back now to when she told me she was on it I got all stupid teenage boy excited, thinking I was gonna get some. Now here we are two years later._

_As it turned out a bit of luck came our way. Emmett's parents went out of town again. This time they headed to Vale for the Thanksgiving holiday. They'd planned to be gone for four days. Rose always stayed at Em's when his parents left town so this was a perfect opportunity for Bella and I to get away too. _

_Emmett's parents left on Wednesday. We all had Thanksgiving bullshit on Thursday. Was I thankful? Yeah…I was thankful! I was finally going to get laid! Friday was the day. Emmett had a small party at his house. The girls were free all night; having done the old "I'm staying at Alice/Rose/Bella's house"._

_Friday morning Bella was busy with her dad. Something to do with the police station and giving leftovers to the homeless? So Jazz and I went to get provisions…liquor, munchies and most importantly, condoms. Yes, Bella was on the pill but she had recently informed me that if we were going to do this, I had to wrap the soldier. She brought up percentage rates of reliability with the pill and shit…"You can still get pregnant, Edward!" I won't lie, I was bummed. I wanted to get in there and feel everything without barriers, but some shit I know I just don't get a vote in. That was one of them._

_Jasper and I were quite comical at the pharmacy. "Dude...I'm telling you, fuck the ribbed shit. Lubricated is what we need" Jazz informed me. I just looked at the endless sea of options, completely overwhelmed. Some were for "her pleasure", some claimed to be for "my pleasure"….couldn't we both have pleasure? There were sparkly ones, glow in the dark ones. I finally just let Jasper choose and we moved on._

_Bella and I spent most of the night with me sitting on a kitchen chair, her on my lap. We were both excited and nervous about what the night had in store for us. Bella rubbed little circles on my back and I was did the same to her knee. _

_Finally around 2 a.m. things started winding down. We made our way up the stairs to the third floor. Emmett's family, the McCarty's, had a lot of money. Mine did too, but his was ridiculous. The third floor of the house was nothing but guest bedrooms. I'm not sure who they had stayed over that they needed so many, but we never complained because it always meant rooms were available if you needed a place to crash. His parents left town more than any parents I'd ever seen. It was amazing Em was so normal, considering he had no parental supervision whatsoever._

_I opened the first door and peeked in. There was a bag on the bed, but it wasn't mine or Bella's so I figured this wasn't our room. I went to the next door and when I peeked in I saw Bella's small pink travel bag on the bed. Bingo._

_Bella went into the bathroom to change and brushed her teeth so I stripped down to my boxers and started to pull back the comforter on the bed. It wasn't unusual for Bella and I to sleep together in a bed. After many parties, we'd end up making out and crashing next to each other. If her dad worked an overnight at the station or if my parents weren't home, we'd sneak out and go to each others houses. It was amazing really that Bella and I hadn't had sex yet with all the opportunities we'd had. Restraint…mostly on her part._

_Because of this, thankfully, there wasn't any tension in the room. Whatever happened, happened._

_When she came out of the bathroom, I glanced back and my breathing hitched. Usually Bella slept in a little night shirt or sometimes shorts and a tank top, but this was well…not that._

_She had on a really short red silk thing. It had small straps and didn't cover much but it was breathtaking. She was so incredibly sexy. _

"_Hey" she said in a small voice._

"_Hey yourself" I all but whispered back as I turned more to focus all of my attention on my girl._

_She moved across the room towards me slowly, she was blushing._

_When she reached me, she put her hands on my chest, making little circles. I could feel my heart beating like crazy. _

"_Bella, you are beautiful" I whispered as I placed one hand on her hip and cupped her face with the other. I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips to hers. _

_We moved back a little to the bed and Bella carefully climbed to the middle so that her outfit stayed in place. She laid back on the pillows and her beautiful brown hair splayed out against the fabric. She looked up at me shyly. _

_I moved on the bed next to her and reached out and pulled her closer to me so we were both on our sides, looking into each others eyes._

_We started off slowly. Small kisses. Fingers running through hair. After a while, I began to explore the silk of her nightgown. I could feel her skin through it, it was so thin. I'd seen Bella naked on many occasions but just like with the bikini, there was something really sexy about that little piece of clothing covering her most private parts._

_I moved down on the bed just a little and slowly removed the straps from her shoulders, moving them down her arms at a snails pace. Bella shifted slightly and then I could see the peaks of her breasts. _

_She had the most beautiful breasts. _

_I'm a guy…I had watched my share of porn and R rated movies. I knew what other girls looked like. Nothing compared to this amazing girl beneath me. _

_She lifted herself up a little more, indicated that I should remove the silk from her body. I did and looked at her as she lay there, completely naked. I understood now why she had crawled so carefully onto the bed. My girl hadn't worn panties._

"_God Bella…I love you so much" I said as I moved back to kiss her lips._

_I held myself up over her with one arm, so while I continued to kiss, my free hand made its way to my favorite breasts. I kneaded them and pinched her nipples between my fingers gently. _

_My mouth moved down her neck, sprinkled it with kisses as I made my way to her chest. I pulled one of her nipples into my mouth and let out a sigh. I had been here many times before, but it would never get old. Bella's tits tasted like honey and sweetness. She smelled like lavender. Bella always used some lavender bath wash or something and because of that, I always got excited when I smelled lavender._

"_Oh god…" she whispered as her hips moved beside me._

_Keeping her in my mouth, I removed my hand and trailed south. The heat that radiated off of her was amazing. I loved how wet she got when we played._

_I reached the small square patch of hair and smiled into her breast as I continued the journey._

"_Baby, you're so wet" I practically growled. _

_Bella lifted her hips slightly, urging me to continue. She was breathing in short panting breathes. "You do this to me" she said._

_I slowly pressed one of my fingers between her folds and began to massage her clit._

"_Oh Edward…"_

_I released her breast from my mouth and slid my body down further. I looked up at her and her eyes were locked on me, they moved between my eyes and my hand. She loved this part. A lot._

_I moved between her legs with my fingers still moving on her clit. I took my other hand and attempted to hold her hips down, which were jumping off the bed each time I made contact._

_I moved my mouth to her center and made little circles with my tongue where my fingers had been and used those fingers to spread her further. _

_Ever so slowly, I slid one finger inside of her and then another. I kept my mouth moving to please her, while massaging and spreading her further with my fingers._

_I could feel her perfect little pussy as it began to constrict and release around my fingers. Her hips continued to spasm and little noises escaped her mouth. I loved those noises so much. I knew she was getting close._

_She had her eyes closed now in concentration and her mouth was in a lazy 'o' shape, I smiled. Bella looked so beautiful when she came that unless I was otherwise occupied, I always tried to watch her face as she released._

_Her hips began a little more erratic movement so with my fingers still inside of her; I turned my hand slightly to place my thumb on her clit. I held the palm of my other hand just above her pussy and began to massage there as well._

_And we were there._

_Bella lifted her hips up and her head moved from side to side. "Oh fuck…Edward…"_

_I put my lips back to her center and moved my tongue as I sucked. I loved the taste of my girl. She came hard and I felt her body slump back onto the bed. I continued to move my fingers, tongue and hand, lapping up every juice she released._

_I slowed my movements as she came down and I heard her sigh and then giggle above me._

_I looked up at her with a smirk. My girl was so sexy._

_Once she stilled completely, I moved back up the bed, pausing slightly to wipe my mouth on the sheets._

"_How we doin' beautiful girl?"_

"_I'm good… really, really good" she giggled again while rolling her eyes back in their sockets._

_At this point, my cock was so hard I could have chiseled glass, cut a diamond or some shit. I placed little kisses on her neck and then by her ear._

_We laid like this for a few minutes and I realized that unintentionally, I had started stroking my cock. She must have felt the movement against her leg because she turned her head towards mine and smiled._

"_Come here baby" she said as she pulled at me to move between her legs._

_I moved, not saying anything. I wasn't sure which way this was going to go. We had been there before. Even though we'd planned for that to be the night, in my mind I still had a hard time processing what might actually happen then. She could have still backed out. I moved at her will thinking either she was going to pull me up so my dick could find her mouth….or she would kiss me and then lay me down, climb over me and put me in her mouth…OR god help me, this would be it. I hadn't dared hoped, so I just followed her lead._

_She positioned me between her legs and I could feel the moisture on the head of my cock. I may have groaned a little. She pulled my face to hers and swept her tongue across my bottom lip._

"_I love you, Edward" she whispered and then kissed me more passionately._

_When our mouths released, I returned the sentiment. "I love you too, beautiful girl."_

_Bella shifted herself just a little, but it was enough to cause a panic in me. I was right fucking there. One move forward and I would be on my only little journey to pussy heaven._

_She could see the panic in my eyes. It was clear I had no idea what she wanted me to do._

"_Edward?" she asked softly._

"_What should I do, baby?" I had asked. Truly not knowing if that was gonna be suck or fuck. Honestly, my girl knew what she was doing, so I would have been okay if it went the other way. I won't lie…I'd rather move forward, literally…but either way would be perfect._

"_Make love to me" she said in such a sweet, soft voice that I wasn't even sure she spoke._

"_Are you sure, Bella? We don't have to. I don't want to rush you. Whenever you're re…"_

_She lifted her head and kissed me again. "Make love to me, Edward."_

_I let out a breath I must have been holding for two years and as always, Bella giggled at me. "It's okay…I want this."_

_I shifted a little to get in better position. "This is going to hurt a little I think" I told her. I mean, I'd heard it did, but I was just as inexperienced as she was. I honestly didn't know what was going to happen. I just knew it would feel really good for me but I had to move slowly for her. _

_I could try and pretend I was some suave motherfucker in that moment, but you know what? I wasn't. It wasn't some movie. It was raw and real and exciting, but scary._

"_It's okay…I know."_

_I moved forward just a little and I could feel her spread. It was so warm and soft and wet there. I was already about to lose my shit so I took another calming breathe._

_Just as I was about to move forward a little more…BOOM! BOOM!_

"_Ed? Are you guys sleeping?"_

_Fucking Emmett._

_Bella froze, her eyes stared at mine in a panic. There were no covers on us so I hoped to hell he wouldn't just swing the door open._

"_Emmett! Fuck! Go away dude!"_

_I heard Emmett whispering in the hall with other voices. I couldn't make anything out except a low giggling "holy fuck…they are totally fucking in there!"_

"_Um…sorry man. We're gonna kick up the grill and thought you guys might wants some food…but you're obviously…busy so um….never mind. As you were…"_

_Then I heard feet descending the stairs. Fucking cockblock. I made a mental note to kick his ass later._

_I looked down at Bella nervously thinking that little interruption might have changed her mind. She started breathing again, but still looking right at me. _

"_You want to stop?" I asked her. Please, please, please don't want to stop._

"_No..."_

_Thank god._

_I placed kisses on her mouth and cheek and began to move forward again a little at a time. She was so fucking tight. Having never done it before, I guess I can't really speak for how tight she was in comparison, but I do know that she fucking had hold of my cock like nothing I had ever felt. It was the best thing I had ever experienced._

_I was barely inside her and I was already shaking so bad I thought I would pass out. _

"_Edward, breathe baby" she said in a whisper, "we belong together."_

_Just those few little words made me relax. She was right. We did belong together._

_I felt her barrier and was surprised. I'd heard about it, but I guess I always figured it was just adults trying to scare their daughters. Sure as shit though, I was there. _

"_Ready?" I asked her nervously. She nodded but didn't say anything. Rather then prolong the inevitable; I went for it deciding quicker was better._

_She took in a labored breath._

"_Okay?" I asked. I really, really didn't want to hurt her but my mind was dealing with conflicting emotions right now. I wanted to start moving so much it took everything I had to hold still and wait for her confirmation._

_We made love twice that night and it was everything I had ever dreamed it would be. Porno's were great but I discovered that nothing…nothing…was better than making love to Bella. _

I lay on my bed reliving those moments over and over in my mind until I'm shocked back to reality by a knock on my door.

"Edward? Are you in there?" It's my mom.

"Yeah mom, what's up?" figuring the school must have called her or something.

"Bella is waiting downstairs to see you."

That's all it took and I was alert and back in the present. I can't believe she is here. Did she decide to forgive me even after everything she had seen? I know she wouldn't come here to yell at me. Bella isn't the type of girl to go all postal in front of my parents.

I got up, pulling myself together, throwing on a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I descend the stairs, hopeful we can still get past this shit and be the Bella and Edward we have always been.

Unfortunately, my hopes are dashed the minute I see her standing in the foyer. She is still beautiful, but her eyes are very, very sad. She has definitely been crying. A lot.

I make my way down the stairs towards her and stop just feet away.

"Edward." She says, again in that fucking detached tone. It is different this time though, her eyes don't seek comfort from the walls and she doesn't look down or away. She looks right into my eyes.

"Hi baby" I say before I even register how stupid it was.

Her eyes squint a little bit. Anger. She pulls out of it quickly though and goes back to detached.

"I brought some things for you" she says as she motions towards the doorway.

Motherfucker. This is really happening. Sitting next to the door is a rather large box. I can see items peeking out the top. Items I had given her, pictures of us…

"Bella…"

Her hands come out again, just as they had that night in Rosalie's room. "Don't say anything, okay? Just let me say this…" She takes a steadying breath. "I'm sure you think I'm doing this because of the…picture. That's part of it. A big part, if I'm being honest. It's the only thing I can see now when I look at you…or think about you." The tears start falling but I force myself to remain still, allowing her to say what she needs to say.

"I don't know if I can ever erase that picture from my head. I really want to. I thought seeing you in that bedroom was the worse thing that could every happen to me but…I was wrong…I honestly don't know if this is something people can move past?" she says as a question, but I know she doesn't want me to respond.

"I'm doing this though Edward, because aside from this horrible thing you did, you lied to me about it. I asked you if anything happened and you promised me nothing did. That is something I know in my heart I can't get over. I can't trust you anymore and I would always wonder if what you are telling me is the truth or a lie. You can't…you just can't maintain a relationship like that."

I interject now. "Bella, please…I know I fucked up so bad. I promise I will tell you everything that happened. I won't lie. I just…I didn't want to lose you. I love you…so, so much. Please let me at least try to fix this. Please don't hate me Bella…"

I don't look behind me. My whole frickin' family could be standing back there watching me fall apart but I don't care.

She sighs. "I don't hate you Edward. If I hated you, this whole thing would be so much easier. Maybe someday we can, I don't know…but not now okay? I need time to process all of this. I just want to be by myself for a while."

I start to interrupt again but she continues.

"And think about it…you're graduating in a few months. Then you're off to college. Maybe this just makes sense. Maybe…you need to see other people, experience other things and…"

"God…no. NO! I don't want to experience other things and I sure as fuck don't want to see other people! That was a huge mistake Bella. Don't do this!"

"Wait…I have more to say….Please? Most our friends are the same Edward. I don't want this to pull everyone apart, okay? So many of you will be gone soon. I don't want everyone to feel weird around us when our time is so limited. Let's just see what happens. We'll just step back and take a breather…If it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other."

"But I love you," is all I can muster.

"And I love you…It's always been you."

We stand there just looking at each other for a few minutes. Both of our eyes filled with tears. Eventually she breaks the eye contact and sighs.

"I'm gonna go now. But can I ask you for one last thing?"

I nod.

"If nothing else, I want you to be my friend, Edward. I know we can't be 'buddies' right this minute but I've known you most of my life and as far as I'm concerned, this whole situation would be truly tragic if we lost that."

If having Bella in my life means that I can only be her friend for now, I will have to accept that, so I give a small smile and nod. It's better than having her hate me.

I give her a loose, brief hug before she pulls away and slips out the door. I want to pin her to me and not let her go.

I sit back on the stairs. Head in hands.

At any point in my life if I was sad or angry, frustrated or happy my first thoughts were always to call Bella. I can't call her now. I look up at the box filled to the brim with "our life", our memories and as much as I try to reach for my life preserver I can't grasp it.

The tears start falling in sheets like rain.

* * *

A/N: Well…Did you fall asleep? Or did you like the long chapter? I hope you liked it!

**HUGE** thanks to one of the most amazing author in ff (in my opinion), EdwardsBloodtype, for her input on my story so far. It was because of her that I tried to add more information to this chapter on what our characters current ages are. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you don't know these kids like I do! Sorry if I was vague. If you are not reading EBT's High Anxiety, run…don't walk to it right away. It's almost over and my withdrawals have already started! http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5222490/1/

THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed and/or PM'd me so far. I LOVE your comments!

Updates – I honestly do not have a "schedule" for updates at this point. I am shooting for weekly. However, as I complete chapters, I will send them off to my beta and we will get them out to you as soon as possible. I highly doubt they will continue to post as quickly as these first three, but rest assured, they will post when they are ready.

Come play with me on twitter at justagirl1237 ….but first, please click that little review button and let me know what you thought of chapter 3…your encouragement really does make me write faster!


	4. Party Like A Rockstar

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my whip tottin' of a beta and my new friend. There's something in this chapter especially for…and inspired by…you bb! You are my kinky little master and I love you!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

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CHAPTER 4 – PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR

EPOV

I wake up this morning and feel numb.

I don't know how to start my day now. Obviously I will take a shower, get dressed…but the best part of my morning has always been standing outside of my car in Bella's driveway waiting for her to emerge. That first sight of her smiling at me as she comes bopping down the steps is like my morning coffee.

How do I start the day without it?

I finally force myself to put one foot on the floor. It takes another five minutes before I can bring myself to actually walk to the bathroom and get in the shower.

After getting dressed, I make my way downstairs. My mother is in the kitchen reading the paper.

"Morning honey!" she says as she lifts her eyes from the entertainment section. Something must be off with my appearance. I can see it in her eyes as she looks up at me.

"What's wrong, Edward?"

I don't respond right away. I go to the fridge, grab the juice and pour myself a glass.

"Nothing. I'm good" I finally respond.

"Edward…I'm your mother. I know when something is wrong. Talk."

I'm not hungry so I skip my usual Coco Puffs and sit down at the table. "Bella and I broke up."

"Oh Edward…I'm so sorry! What happened?"

"I fucked, sorry…I messed up."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"No. Maybe…not right now though, okay?" There is no way I would tell her exactly what I did, but I had always felt comfortable talking to my mom. I can skirt around the actual details. I'm just not ready to make it anymore real.

I spent half the night trying to convince myself that she didn't mean it. She was mad, and rightfully so…but she would miss me and would come back. Then I imagined, as Alice had said, if the situation were reversed. If I had found Bella in that room…If I had seen a picture of Bella doing that to another guy. I went to the bathroom and threw up for half an hour with that visual.

No…it was going to be a while, if ever, before she really forgave me.

I drive by Bella's house, because it is on my way…At least that's what I tell myself.

Her truck is gone…that makes me sad again.

I pull into the parking lot at school and see everyone standing by Em's truck. Everyone…except Bella.

I was going to avoid everyone and just park somewhere else, but that would just cause more attention so I pull in next to Emmett and get out of the car.

Everyone looks at me with sad expressions. I hate this shit. I don't need people looking at me like this. It only makes it harder to keep it together.

"Hey Edward" Rosalie finally brakes the tension.

"Hey."

Nobody mentions Bella or what happened. It kind of pisses me off. She was everything…no she IS everything to me and everyone is acting as if her not standing here with us is no big deal, which pisses me off even more.

Then I remind myself that I don't want to talk about it and they probably all know this, which is why nobody is saying anything.

The warning bell rings and we start to make our way into the school. My eyes wander around the parking lot, seeking her out.

I finally see her truck on the other side of the lot, but I don't see Bella.

I make my way to my locker and stop short when it comes into view.

"What the fuck?" I ask the person standing in front of Bella's locker.

She turns and looks at me, a little nervous. I don't know her, but she looks familiar.

"Excuse me?" she says in a very meek little voice.

"What are you doing in Bella's locker?"

She perks up a little bit. "Oh…Bella and I switched."

"What do you mean, you switched?"

"Well, she came to me this morning and said that she was having trouble getting to her classes on time because most of them are at the other end of the building or something… so she asked if I would mind switching with her. I didn't mind…I usually only go to my locker once a day anyway. I carry everything with me" she smiles. "I'm Lauren…" she sticks out her hand.

I just look at it like it's a fire ball. My heart breaking at the thought of Bella making conscious decisions already to distance herself from me.

Lauren pulls her hand back uncomfortably and goes back to organizing the locker. Bella's locker.

I don't see Bella all morning. Believe me I go out of my way on several occasions to "accidentally" bump into her, but nothing.

I am more than excited when lunchtime finally arrives. She can't avoid me now, I think to myself.

I was wrong.

We have been sitting at our usual table for ten minutes already when Bella finally walks in. God…she looks so amazing. She looks a little tired, but not the red, swollen eyed girl I had seen just twenty four hours before.

She is with a girl from her class. Angela something…

They make their way through the lunch line and then sit down at a table with some other kids I barely know.

"Nice Edward…" I hear from across the table.

And so it begins...

I turn and look at Alice.

She begins to speak again. "Seriously…I know I'm the low man on the totum pole here, but someone in this fucked up little family of ours needs to speak the fuck up."

All of the other people at the table remain still with their eyes on their trays.

"Now, because of you Bella's not eating with us anymore! It's bullshit. You should be the one sitting somewhere else!"

I take a deep breath…because she's right.

Alice might be the newest member of our posse, but she's a really good friend to Bella. They've probably managed to cram more "friendship" into seven and a half months than most people do into a lifetime.

"She told me she didn't want things to be weird with everyone…I have no idea why she's not sitting here" I respond in a small, almost inaudible voice. I just continue to watch Bella making herself comfortable across the room.

I turn back to Alice. "Alice…you and Rosalie are her friends. Why aren't _you_ with her?"

Alice doesn't get a chance to respond.

"Look, Fucker…It's not our fault that you decided to let Tanya take a little suck off your "disco stick", okay? Alice is right…if anyone should be off in exile it should be you!"

"Fuck you Rose…" I respond.

"Hey…take it easy, man. Seriously." Emmett interjects.

I don't say anything back. Alice is right. Rose is right. Emmett is right.

Rosalie eventually sighs. "Listen…You don't deserve to feel better, but…I talked to Bella this morning. She's not "abandoning" the table…or her friends, for Christ sakes. She said she just wants a couple of days away from everything. We're getting together after school. She'll start eating with us again in a few days…so relax."

That did make me feel a little better. At least I know I'm not pushing her away from everyone she cares about.

The rest of the day is much of the same bullshit. I try to talk to my friends. I try not to "look" like I am watching for her. I just try.

Tuesday…

Wednesday…

Thursday…

Friday…

They all go by pretty much the same. Except now, Alice and Rosalie disappear sometimes in the morning and for a few minutes before lunch ends. I assume it's to spend time with Bella.

Jasper and Emmett try their damndest to make me feel better and get me to do more than just walk around in a fog.

"Fuck Ed…I know this sucks. But you have got to start functioning" Jasper tells me one afternoon. "Bella loves you. Things are going to work out."

The next week is a little better. She at least eats with us a couple times. I still don't see her once in the halls between classes and she has yet to actually speak to me directly.

Friday night everyone makes plans to go to Rose's. It's just going to be something small. Not a huge blowout since her parents will be back Saturday afternoon and she doesn't want to clean up after a major party with only a few hours to spare.

I hadn't planned on going initially, but Emmett and Jasper wouldn't hear of it. They said if I didn't show up they were going to drag my ass out of the house kicking and screaming.

I pull into Rose's driveway and surprisingly enough, am relieved. Bella's truck isn't here. I need to have a drink before I see her.

I walk through the door and am glad to see that there aren't that many people. Just the regular crowd…only about 20 people mingling about.

"EDDIE!" A very drunk Emmett practically screams from the kitchen doorway. I look over and he is standing with Jasper, both of them holding their drinks up in the air welcoming me.

We have a couple shots and I head out back with my beer to get some air.

"Edward! Hey man…" Eric nods to me as I fall back into a lawn chair. Eric Yorkie is a pretty cool guy. He is a senior too but doesn't play sports so I don't see him very often outside of school. Well…except when there is a party. Eric is the guy everyone goes to for their "extra curricular activities".

"You want?" he asks as he holds the joint out to me.

If I had Bella with me I would have said no. Unless we were spending the night somewhere or had a sober driver, I never smoked when I was with her. I wouldn't drive her around in a fucked up state.

"Sure" I reply, taking it from his hand.

He sits down next to me and we pass it back and forth a few times.

"I hear you and Bella broke up?" he says as he blows the smoke out.

"Yeah…"

"That sucks man. I figured you two would be married and knocked up before she was twenty."

I don't respond, I just take the joint and inhale as much as my lungs can hold. I lay back in the chair and close my eyes.

"Hi Edward" I hear another voice say. I know this voice too well.

"Hey Tanya" I responded, but don't open my eyes.

I vaguely hear Eric say something about going to get a beer but my nice little buzz is making the other numbing bearable right now, so I don't say anything.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Tanya says, breaking me from my calm.

I'm still not mad at her. I haven't even had a chance to talk to her since all everything went down. I figured she must be as mortified, if not more so, than I am that that shit was out there.

"Yeah…sure." I say with a sigh as I open my eyes and sit up.

"I feel really bad about what happened" she starts out, "I know it caused problems for you."

I laugh out loud at this. Problems? That's a fucking understatement.

"I don't want to talk about it, really…although, listen…Do you have any idea who took the picture? The text was from an unknown number…"

I hadn't asked anyone, even my closest friends if they knew anything. Aside from my obvious preoccupation with the loss of Bella, I don't even know how to ask anyone. "Hey man, you don't by chance know who watched me get my dick sucked on Friday night, do you?" I figure someone will cop to it eventually and really…does it matter? The picture was taken, it's done. Knowing who took it isn't going to change anything.

I'm not a complete pussy though. If I find out who took it, I will beat their ass.

"No. I have no idea. I've tried to find out, but whoever it was, their not talking…"

I lie back on my chair and close my eyes again. The weed is making me feel just a little better then I have all week.

"Edward?" she speaks again.

"Yeah?"

"Since you and Bella aren't together anymore…"

"Don't Tanya…please? Just don't"

"Okay. Okay. It's too soon. I get it. We'll talk later….Um…yeah. I'll see you later, okay?"

I don't respond.

I sit there for a while, eyes closed, sipping my beer. Eventually it goes dry so I force myself off the chair to grab another one. When I turn towards the house I see her. Bella is standing in the kitchen laughing with Rose and Alice.

She is wearing skinny jeans and a blue cable knit sweater. I love the way she looked in blue. Her hair is down and curled. She looks so beautiful. I want to go through those French doors and pull her into my arms. I miss holding her so much.

I just stand there watching her though the patio doors. It's dark outside and the exterior lights aren't on. I can watch her for a minute without having to hide my pathetic stares.

After a moment another figure enters the room. Mike Newton. He walks up to Bella and starts talking.

Were they here together? My heart started racing. It hasn't even been a full two weeks.

"She's not with him, man" Jasper said as he walks up beside me. He must have read my mind or seen the expression on my face.

"She came here with Alice. Just got here a minute ago."

"Mmmm…"

"Just go talk to her. You're never going to relax until you have that first normal 'talk'."

I watch her for another minute. She seems so happy. She is laughing and occasionally puts her hand on someone's arm when she talks. Once it was Mike. I was so jealous it physically hurt to remain still. I remember that not that long ago we didn't do this "jealousy shit". Now I am swimming in it.

"Go man….you can't keep stalking her from the bushes…"

I take a deep breath and open the door. Our fucking electrical surge is apparently not aware of the break up. Bella's eyes move to me the minute the door opens.

I look around anxiously and then make my way over to the center island.

Everyone looks at me in anticipation.

"Hi" is my monumental first word to her.

"Hi Edward" she says with a small smile. Almost like she feels sorry for me too. "Having a good night?" she asks.

"Yeah…it's good."

"Good."

We kind of stand there uncomfortably for the next few minutes. Nobody saying a word. Everyone is looking around the house and strangely moving their heads to the music.

Mike is the one who eventually breaks the lull. "Bella? I'm gonna grab another beer…want one?"

"That's my line you motherfucker!" is all I can think. I don't say it though. I maintain a straight face. It's not my place anymore.

"Yeah…that would be great! I'll go with you…"

I know she isn't going with him to spend time with him. She is trying to get away from the uncomfortable feeling of standing near me. I feel it too…and that's the hardest part really, because above all else, Bella has always been my best friend.

I try to stay away from her for the rest of the night. As much as I want to just be in her presence, I am still enough of a man to realize I don't want to be that "stalker guy" who hangs around the fringe sulking. I'll save that shit for when I am at home…alone.

After about two hours I'm basically sober again. I haven't had a drink of my beer since I first saw Bella, though I hold onto it like a security blanket.

I play a couple hands of poker and then walk into the media room where Jazz and Emmett are.

"Dude! Watch your fuckin' guy!" Emmett yells.

"I AM watching my guy! See…Take that you fucker!" Jasper shoots back.

X-Box…where a brain cell is lost every second….

"If you don't get that one in the basement, we can't move to the next level you dumb ass…"

There is no talking to them right now. They are completely lost in some game with vampires battling wolves. It looks stupid really, but they are so involved they don't even look up.

I make my way back out into the living room in time to witness Bella dancing with Rose and Alice. They are giggling, arms in the air making little snake movements as they bring them down and back up again. Her little hips are moving very seductively and I feel my cock respond as it always has to Bella.

I notice that I am not the only one watching her. Mike stands off to the side, taking a sip of his beer, eyes on Bella's ass.

I want to go over there and beat the fucking shit out of him. I want to tell him that I better never catch him ogling her ass again…but I can't. That's not my place anymore.

This sentence keeps repeating in my head most of the night.

I see Tanya a couple of times, but thankfully she does not approach me. She's hanging on some guy I've never seen before and I am doing an internal happy dance. Hoping this means that someone else is now the object of her affections.

I run into Bella once in the hallway as we both stand in line to use the bathroom. I am in line first, so at least I am not "stalker guy" for the moment.

She is leaning against the wall, plastic cup in hand, with her eyes closed. She moves just slightly with the music. I don't think she's even noticed I'm standing here. Maybe the electric surge is off having a beer of its own?

The line moves just a little and the girl behind Bella nudges her arm, indicating that she should move forward.

"Oh…thanks" Bella says in a very slurred voice that comes out almost as a lisp.

She is beyond drunk.

She moves the couple spaces and returns to her position against the wall.

My turn in the bathroom comes soon enough. When I come out though, Bella is no longer standing there. I sigh in disappointment.

"Dude…" Emmett says as he and Jasper make their way around the corner. They too are fucking blitzed. "Edward…I love ya man. You know this right?" He says with his eyes half closed.

Apparently we are at the point in the evening when everyone shares how much they love you.

"Yes, Emmett. I am aware" I say with a chuckle. I want to be feeling what he's feeling right now. I should have kept drinking. Or smoking…

"No…seriously, man. Like, Jazz here and I were just sayin'…next year is gonna be so fucking great, right?" He has his cup swinging around in front of him now like he's giving a toast. "The three fucking amigos man…do ya feel me man? Do you know what I'm saying?"

I had no fucking idea what he was saying, but whatever it was, it was hilarious. I just nod as he pulls me into a half hug.

Jasper isn't much better off. He's nodding his head like Emmett is giving the best fucking sermon he's ever heard. He reminds me of a bobble head. I expect his hands to go up any second and "Hallelujah!" to come spewing out of his mouth.

Eventually, LoveFest 2010 comes to an end…at least for the moment anyway and I make my way back to the living room.

I see Bella again and I sigh in relief. I was concerned that she wasn't there when I came out of the bathroom. I have never seen her so drunk.

"You're WHAT...TIIIIIN ROOF...Rusted!" the three of them sing from on top of the coffee table. "Love shack, baby love shack…"

Someone has busted out the Karaoke machine.

It's nice to see her having so much fun, I smile. Normally I might be a little disturbed by the extent of her current state, but I can't be. She is feeling no pain. Her beautiful eyes are not swollen and filled with tears.

I help Emmett start the grill. Well…I start the grill and Emmett professes his undying devotion to me. I make my way back into the kitchen to grab some steaks and the burgers that Rose is forming on the counter.

Jasper is leaning against the fridge when I come in. He moves aside when I indicate that I need to grab the steaks but he has that end of the night sullen look now. You know the look? Everyone gets it at the end of the night when the high of the buzz wears off and you start having deep, deep thoughts.

He leans back against the fridge as I wait for Rose to finish up the burger tray.

"Son, you've done a bad…bad thaang" he starts singing in a deep southern drawl. He is looking at me with his beer tilting towards me, one eye closed in kind of a wink/squint maneuver.

I don't respond. I simply sigh and watch him.

"She might not forgive you, man" he says as he now tilts his beer towards the living room. "She looks really fucking happy out there."

I sigh again. "I know, man."

Once the burgers and steaks are cooked people start flocking to the kitchen.

"Mama bear…" Emmett coos as he lays his head on Rosalie's shoulder, "you complete me."

Rosalie responds with an eye roll. "Yeah…Daddy, I know. Now wrangle your inner Jerry McGuire and go eat your fucking steak."

I have to kind of laugh at that. I shutter to think what it would be like to be a fly on the wall when the two of them have sex. I had a small glimpse one night when we all stayed at Jasper's. That girl yelled "Fuck me!" so many times I wanted to bang on the wall and shout back "He is!" I didn't though...best to leave some shit off the friendship table.

Bella and I had tried once to be a little bit more…adventurous. Don't get me wrong, our sex life was great. _Really, Really, Great_. But after listening to Rose and Emmett that night, we decided to try some new things. Let's just say, Bella was putting baby powder in her hair for a week trying to get rid of the oil and I had a bag of ice glued to my hip like it was morphine. We decided after that night that, while we would continue our efforts to explore what we would or wouldn't like in the bedroom…we were gonna leave the really wild shit to the professionals. Enough said.

I was passing through the living room on my way to the bathroom when I saw Alice and Bella by the front door.

"Bella, seriously baby…you cannot drive home! You are a frickin' mess!" Alice scolds her.

"I'm frine…reeeally Allie bally" Bella says in a drunken voice.

"Bella? You can barely talk baby girl. You are not driving ANYWHERE".

"I have frew…my…my…Charlie will horm in a crupple hours…"

"I'll take her…" Mike interjects, slinking out from whatever rock he's been under.

As much as I know I should just stay the fuck out of it. As much as I know it isn't my place anymore. As much as I know Mike is sober enough to take her home….I can't stop the words from leaving my mouth.

"No…I'll drive her" I shoot out as I reach the door.

"Nooooo….itch alright! You grise don't need to brabysit me…I got this shit" Bella says as she wobbles and reaches for the wall.

Rosalie has joined the party now and between her and Alice, they are holding Bella up.

"Do you want me to take you?" Rosalie asks.

"Nooooo…you need to git yur lovin' on, mama!" Bella giggles.

I interject…"Bella, its cool. I was just heading out anyway" I lie.

Both Rose and Alice nod their heads that they agree I should drive her home.

"See baby?" Alice says, "Edward will make sure you get home safely."

They finally convince her to get in my car after about another ten minutes of discussion. Mike remains close by giving me the stink eye and trying at every turn to touch her in some way. He holds her elbow. He pulls the hair out of her face.

Fucker really needs to step off my girl. My girl…

"Thanks Edward" Alice says with sad eyes as we get Bella settled into the car. "I know this is hard for you…I'm still pissed at you, make no mistake" she sighs, "but I know you'll get Bella home safe and…well, I think you are making yourself suffer more then I ever could so…" She shrugs and bends down in the door frame to talk to Bella.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay? If you can manage it…Feel free to puke in his car, okay?"

Little pixie bitch. I love her though.

"Edward" Rosalie says curtly as they turn and make their way back into the house.

As we drive away from Rosalie's house, Bella slumps against the window. I am thinking she has fallen asleep so I try to figure out how I am going to carry her in the house. She can't weigh more than five pounds, but in her condition she is going to be dead weight.

"Edward?" she whispers, startling me.

"Yeah ba…Bella?" I try to sound casual.

"Can I ask you something?" Her speech a little clearer now.

"Anything…"

"Was she…did she make you feel better then I do…did?"

I have managed to keep my shit together for the entire night, but that almost makes me break. I take a deep breath and simply answer, "Bella...there is _**nobody**_ but you"

"Yeah…" she says in her detached voice, "but one night there was."

I don't say anything. What can I say? She's too drunk to have an actual conversation with and even if she was coherent, it wouldn't matter how much I down played it. The fact is there is a picture of a girl out there with my dick in her mouth. You can't talk that shit away in a drive home.

When we get to Bella's house, she is asleep. I pick her up carefully and carry her to the door.

"Bella? Where's your key?"

She doesn't respond so I lay her on the porch swing and rummage through her bag. I know a woman's purse is like her own secret little goodie bag. Normally I wouldn't venture into such scary territory, but it's either that or leave her drunk ass on the porch. So I dig. I finally locate the key and unlock the door. I look at my watch and realize Chief Swan could literally come home at any time.

I carry Bella up the stairs to her bedroom and carefully lay her on the bed. I figure it would be really inappropriate to change her into her pajamas, even though I've seen every inch of the girl, so I simply remove her shoes and pull the covers over her.

I am almost out of her room when I hear her little voice behind me.

"Edward? Will you kiss me goodnight?"

FUCK.

"Please?" she whispers again.

I sigh.

I turn and make my way back over to the bed. I kneel down on one knee so that I am directly in front of her.

Every piece of my being wants to lean forward and place my lips on hers. I can taste her lips on my mouth already…that signature fruity taste that can only be Bella. And I know that if I do kiss her, more will probably happen. I could make love to her…show her in the most intimate way how much I love and miss her. We've had drunk sex before…

I lean forward just a little as she puckers her lips.

"I love you Bella" I whisper and I placed a kiss on her forehead.

I sigh again.

I know what the daylight would bring. In the morning she would regret it...and the thought of Bella having regrets of a night in my arms is not something I am willing to risk.

I stand up and walk out the door.

I drive home missing her more tonight than ever. Her lavender sent is still spinning around my car…around my heart.

I wake the next morning.

It's the weekend and I am going to avoid Jasper and Emmett like the plague, if I can. I just want to be by myself.

I take a shower, grab my trusty Coco Puffs and cuddle up on the couch with my blanket and put Scooby Doo on the T.V. I don't care what's going on in the world or how old I get…nothing makes things better like Scooby.

After a few minutes, I hear a funny noise. I listen but can't figure out what it is. I hit the mute on the T.V. and strain my ears searching for it.

Buzzzzzz….Buzzzzz.

Oh…it suddenly occurs to me. My phone is on vibrate.

I make my way over to my coat that is hanging off the chair by the door.

I assume it will be Jazz or Em. It's a little early to start with their fucking interventions, but whatever.

I smile when I see the text on my phone. It's only two words, but…these two words shine out like a fucking beacon. These two words mean everything to me right now. These two words are a step in the direction of having my best friend back in my life.

The text is from Bella.

**Thank You**

**

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**

**A/N: Awwww….A little warm and fuzzy, huh?** For everyone who wants Edward to get the livin' shit beat out of him for cheating on her and lying to her…I totally get it! And our boy might have an ass kickin' waiting for him yet! I hope this chapter makes you love him a little more. He f'd up…he knows it and he's living with it everyday.

Story Recs:

High Anxiety - (dot) net/s/5222490/1/ - this fic doesn't even need a rec. If you are not reading it…where have you been! Go NOW! It's almost to the end and my withdrawals have already started.

Evading Edward - (dot) net/s/5399084/1/

How To Save A Life - (dot) net/s/6249615/1/ - another one of my top 5 all time favorite stories. She pulled it for a while, but has reposted it. It will just break your heart.

Come play with me on twitter at justagirl1237 ….but first, please click that little review button and let me know what you thought! If you could see me when I am reading reviews, you would know just how much each and every one has meant to me…


	5. The Morning After BPOV

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta and I appreciate all of her support as I take this journey. Her encouragement has been so wonderful and is still the only reason this fic is posting.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

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BPOV

I am hung over.

Waaaaay hung over.

I don't know what I was thinking drinking so much last night. I wanted to stop the pain, but I only ended up masking it for a little while.

All of these feelings that I've been having since I opened that text message are confusing me. I want to hate him. I want to scream at him. I want to kick him in the balls and make him suffer…I want to kiss him. I want to hug him. I want to tell him that everything will be okay.

I want to crawl back under my covers and sleep some more.

_I knew immediately when Edward reached for my phone that something was terribly wrong. I could feel it in my gut. I looked around the table at all of our friends and then I noticed the other faces in the room. Everyone was looking at me with shock and…pity?_

_Before I even clicked the "read" button I had a feeling I didn't want to see the text. Edward's face told me I should be concerned. His silence told me I should just hit delete._

_But my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it._

_There it was. _

_Edward…__**my**__ Edward…standing against a wall. _

_It was a grainy, dark picture but there was no doubt in my mind it was him. His head was leaned back against the wall. In one hand he had a plastic cup and the other was pressed against the wall. _

_He was wearing a grey button down shirt with a white t-shirt underneath it. He was wearing my favorite jeans. The ones with the little hole starting to wear through the pocket from carrying his wallet in it. The cup in his hand was red._

_I don't know why I remembered all of these stupid details. _

_The most important detail was the girl. She was crouched down. She was wearing a black top, tied in a knot above her belly button. She had on a white mini-skirt and black high heels. Really high heels. She also had one hand on the wall, by Edward's hip and the other was wrapped around…him. _

_That wasn't the only thing she had wrapped around him._

_When I had walked in the bedroom at Rosalie's and saw him with Tanya, I was initially surprised and pissed. After I thought about it though, talked with Alice and Rose and took a minute to really regroup, I realized that I should have given him a chance to talk._

_I had been so certain she wasn't a threat. __**My**__ Edward would never do that to me._

_Then when I talked to him outside of Rosalie's house and he spoke so sincerely, promising me that nothing had happened, I felt silly for not trusting him to begin with. _

_So, seeing that picture broke my heart._

_I guess she __**was**__ a threat._

_The thing that stuck in my head though was the lie. I never thought he would lie to me. Ever. Even as he sat there in that cafeteria with those apologetic eyes, I kept waiting for him to tell me there was some mistake. But he couldn't and so he just looked at the table._

_I couldn't catch my breath. I wanted to throw up and cry…find a corner and curl up in a ball. Most of all, I wanted it to not be true._

"_Bella…are you okay?" Rosalie asked me as she, Alice and I made our way into the hallway._

_Was I okay? I didn't think I was okay, but I couldn't form a thought to answer for sure._

"_Did you know about this?" I finally asked them._

"_No…not until the text came" Alice responded._

_The text! There was a text out there for more than half the school to see. A text with my boyfriend's dick in another girl's mouth. _

"_I need to throw up!" I said as it hit me._

_I ran down the hall into the first girl's bathroom I found. I moved to the last stall, flung the door open and dropped to my knees. I heaved and heaved until there was nothing left to throw up. _

_It was silly, I suppose, in the grand scheme of things. I knew there probably were more important things going on in the world besides the dramas of a sobbing high school girl but that didn't matter to me at the moment. All I could think of was those lips around Edward. Where else had they been? The thought of her kissing him on the mouth was almost too heartbreaking to consider. _

_I liked the fact that Edward and I had shared all of our firsts. That we were each others firsts…I liked that no other lips had touched his in an intimate way. Well, except that little bitch Jane, but he was only nine so I don't count that. I liked that my hands were the only hands that had explored his body. I liked that I was the only person he had ever been inside of._

_Now we didn't share that link anymore. Someone else knew what I knew, at least to some extent. That thought alone caused me to heave again, depositing things in that disgusting little toilet that I would never have thought I still had in me._

_When I was sure there was no more, I stood and went to the sink. I looked in the mirror and my mascara was in streaks down my cheeks. My eyes? My eyes were so red. How long would they stay like this, I wondered? I felt like I would never stop crying._

_When I got home that night I sat in my room for hours. Rose and Alice kept texting me. Even Emmett called to see if I was okay. My father didn't know what was wrong with me, but he knew something was definitely wrong. _

_Thank goodness Charlie was never one to hover and he let me be, telling me that if I needed to talk about anything I should come and find him._

_Everywhere I looked I saw something that reminded me of Edward. There were pictures of him on my wall, on my dresser, on my night stand. I looked to the book shelf and there were books he had given me, journals he had written and given to me to read, CD's I borrowed from him. _

_I zeroed in on the Debussy CD. We always put that on when we studied because it relaxed him. The Minnie Mouse ears from when he took me to a carnival. The bracelet he had given me with a heart attached to it. When he gave it to me he said it reminded him of me… because I had his heart. _

_I looked to the corner and saw his blue hoodie. The one I borrowed the last time we went for a walk because I got chilly. The Scooby slippers he gave me for Christmas because he said "everybody should have a little Scooby in their life". _

_I went down to the basement and found the biggest box I could find. I brought it back up to my bedroom and started filling it with all the things that he had given or borrowed to me. Every memory of Edward that I had was haphazardly thrown into this box of sadness._

_I took the box to his house. _

_He looked happy when he came down the stairs and then his expression quickly changed to something else._

_I told him everything I had to say._

_I told him I loved him and I meant it still._

_I told him that I wanted to be friends one day and I hoped that I meant that too._

_Everything was so new. I was still in shock._

"_Bella?" he said to me from under the covers. It was Christmas morning. He snuck in my window in the wee hours of the night because he said he couldn't wait until the next day to give me my present._

"_Edward?" I replied, as my eyes rolled back in my head. He was kissing my upper thigh, making words with his tongue._

"_Do you know what that one says?" he asked._

"_Hmmm?"_

"_It says mine forever"_

_He started to slide over to my center again. He'd already been there once. _

"_Bella?" he asked again._

"_Yesss, Edward?" I teased._

"_Tell me you'll love me forever?"_

"_I will, without a doubt, love you forever" I responded in a whisper._

_He made me come again._

_When he moved back up and positioned himself over me I felt so safe. So loved. We'd been having sex for a while now, as often as we could, considering we lived with our parents and I refused to do it in his car._

_I looked in his eyes as his body moved up and down over and in me. I could feel him everywhere. The muscles in his arms and back constricting as he pushed further into me. My body was on fire._

_I liked to watch Edward's face when he came. He always told me he liked watching me too. His eyes would become incredibly focused at first. His brow would melt together in concentration. His breathing would be labored, but sexy. _

_Eventually his eyes would close. His movements would increase. His lips would find my neck and would trail to my ear. _

_He would always whisper that he loved me just before he came. _

_Sometimes I couldn't see his face because it was buried in my neck, but when he was more animalistic, he would keep his head up and I could watch as he suddenly whispered "fuck" and his whole body would quiver. _

_He would gently fall against my body as his exhaustion took over and he would chuckle and tell me how amazing I was. How he loved the feel of my pussy. _

_I wouldn't have thought I would like that word. Like it would make me feel dirty or something when someone said that to me…but with Edward? When he would say it, I would melt because it was said with such love and wonder. _

_Before he moved off of me, he would always give one last suck to whichever nipple caught his special attention that night…and then he would kiss my lips. _

"_Love you" he'd say and then roll next to me, lying on his side and draping his arm across my waist. _

"_Do you want your present now, baby?" he asked me, sounding as excited as a little boy going to see Santa._

"_That wasn't it?" I teased._

"_No, my love, THAT was definitely a gift for ME" he chuckled._

_He slid off the bed and went to retrieve something from his jacket. _

_Edward looked really, really good naked. He had a perfect six pack, muscular arms from throwing a football or swinging a bat. He was tall, but not in a lanky, uncoordinated kind of way. _

_I loved his messy hair. As hard as he tried to get it to lay a certain way, within ten minutes it would bounce like a slinky back into its organized chaos. _

_His family had a lot of money. His father, a doctor, and his mother an attorney. Edward was always dressed to perfection. He also always smelled really good. I don't honestly know what kind of cologne he used, I'd never asked, but whatever it was…I wanted to lick it right off of him._

"_Here you go baby girl" he said as he placed a small black box in my hand. "Merry Christmas."_

_I was a little nervous about what he had gotten me. No, I didn't think it was an engagement ring or anything. We were too young for that… but I was concerned about how much money he had spent. I definitely didn't have the boat load of cash available to me that Edward did. I was afraid my gift would suffer in comparison._

_I opened the box to find two chains. One, very girly and dainty. The other, a thicker more masculine design. Attached to each chain was half of a heart. The one on the more feminine chain was inscribed with a quote that said "Look after my heart; I've left it with you". The other said "I'll always want you. Forever."_

"_Oh god, Edward…" I said through already teary eyes. "They are beautiful."_

"_I'm glad you like them" he said as he leaned down and kissed me. "I hope you know, I mean that. My heart belongs to you Bella…and I will love you forever." Then, being Edward, he had to add a little humor. "I mean, look? I'm willing to wear jewelry for you woman…I must love you!" _

_He undid the clasp of my necklace and placed it around my neck. When he secured it again he placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck that caused goose bumps to form. He didn't put his on right then, but said that he would wear it under his shirt._

_The gift I gave him was not as extravagant, but it meant something none the less. It was a leather bound journal. He loved to write so much. His room was filled with hundreds of notebooks that he had filled to capacity. It would have taken any normal person a hundred years to write that much, but Edward could sit down with his thoughts and fill half of one in one sitting. _

_I had this one engraved..._

_To My Dearest Edward,_

_May your stories always lead you back to me._

_With All My Heart,_

_Bella_

_He said loved it._

As I lie here in my bed, the tears roll down my face. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't have Edward in my life. I know he is going off to college in the fall, but we made plans. Once I finish my senior year, I will join him. We will get an apartment off campus. We will study together.

We have talked about marriage someday…when we are done with school.

Edward wants to be a music teacher. He plays the piano so beautifully. He loves music. He wants to inspire kids to love it too.

I want to be a writer. A journalist maybe? Something with integrity, where I can write important stories. I don't want to work for the Globe or Enquirer or anything. I have dreams, however unrealistic, that I can change the world with my words. Maybe convince conflicting countries to work together or something. I know it's silly…but this is what I dream about.

Rose, Emmett and Jasper are all going to the University of Washington as well. We don't know about Alice yet. She hasn't decided where she wants to go to school. Unless something major happens, I suspect she will end up wherever Jasper is.

I sigh.

I say these things as if they are still fact. They have been for so long.

Now? I have no idea what the future holds.

I've spent the days since the break up walking in a trance. I've made a few changes to lessen my interaction with him.

I didn't want to go to the party. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in that kind of situation with him. He was, of course, going to be there. But Rose and Alice said that I need to show I am okay. That what had happened hasn't broken me…even though it has. They say that it isn't so much about Edward, but Tanya and every other person that had witnessed my loss.

I think back to last night and actually groan at my behavior. Yes, I was drunk but I still remember.

I remember that damn Mike Newton putting his hands on me at every turn. Have I not been clear enough? I think I have. And he should know that right now, I am not interested in dating someone new. I don't think I would date him even if I was.

I remember seeing Edward come into the kitchen. I felt him a good ten minutes before he appeared.

I was uncomfortable being so close to him. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I did. I was afraid that one word, one smile would make me take everything back. I would take him back.

I danced with Alice and Rose. We sang Karaoke.

I tried to go to the bathroom several times but inevitably they would pull me from the line. "Bella! You have to come dance! This is the best song EVER!"

And…I remember the exact second that I saw Tanya.

_I was sitting on the front step. The alcohol having a pretty good effect on me at that point. I was looking out at the trees. So many trees in this suffocating town, I thought. It's like a barrier holding you in place._

"_Bella" I heard from behind me. _

_The bile started to stir in my stomach._

"_Fuck off" was my response. _

_I was shocked at how quickly it spewed out of my mouth. I didn't swear a lot, out loud anyway… and I couldn't remember ever really swearing at another person. I may have said "go to hell" to Edward once or twice, I may have told someone to back the fuck off, but I'd never told anyone to fuck off that I could remember anyway._

"_Bella, don't be a bitch" she said as she made her way over to stand in front of me. Because I was sitting, I had to look up to see her. Her appearance suited her tonight. She looked the slut she was._

"_Seriously Tanya…FUCK OFF!" I said a little louder. _

_She giggled. She actually giggled._

"_Bella, don't be such a child. You can blame me all you want, but Edward knew what he was doing. He wanted to be there just as much as I did."_

_I refused to throw up in front of her so I willed my stomach to hold._

"_Yeah…well, I guess he had a moment of weakness when the hooker offered up her services for free…"_

"_Bella, don't be naïve. Edward has always wanted me. There was no moment of weakness. It was just a moment of opportunity. We didn't know you were coming to the party."_

"_I can promise you bitch that whatever he may have done in his drunken stupor, he has never wanted you."_

"_Maybe not consciously…"_

_I stood up now. Days of pent up anger getting the best of me._

"_I should have done this that night." I said as threw my drink in her face and in a very un-Bella like fashion, pulled back my arm as far as I could and cold cocked her in the side of the face._

_Yes, it was childish and immature, but it felt fucking fantastic! _

_Hmmm…I thought…"fuck" is my new favorite word. _

_It made Bella fearless._

_Tanya was hunched over, holding her face. She may have been making some noises? I made my way back into the house, without giving her another thought._

I remember that I looked at my watch at one point, realizing that I needed to get home before Charlie. Charlie would be livid if he ever found out how much I snuck out during his overnight shifts. We would go to what we called parties often, but most of the time there wasn't drinking involved. It was just all of our friends hanging out together having fun.

I had arrived at this not quite so innocent party with Alice, but the plan was that I would catch a ride home with another friend. She was spending the night with Jasper.

"No…I'll drive her" Edward had said and my heart actually jumped. Even in my state, that excited me. I didn't want him to know that though so I told them I was fine. I could drive. I knew I couldn't… and I knew he wouldn't let me.

My head was clear enough when I spoke in the car. I really did want to know what she did…or what I didn't do, that made him want her. Even if it was just for one night.

"Bella…there is nobody but you" he had responded.

Any other time, I would have believed that. Defended that. But I knew that was no longer true. Even if he regretted what he had done. He was no longer just mine. He had belonged to another for however brief a period it was.

When he put me in my bed he was so sweet. So gentle.

In a moment of weakness I had asked him to kiss me. I don't know why I asked.

Yes I do.

I knew, even then that it would bring me pain when he was gone again, but I wanted to feel his lips for maybe the last time. I wanted to commit it to memory.

It's funny how relationships work. You become so comfortable with each other that you forget sometimes to remember the little things. Things like exactly how a kiss feels or what is going through your mind when you are making love.

It's so important really…because you never know if that will be the last time.

I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he brushed the hair from my eyes and kissed my forehead. Even still, I remember the feeling of his lips on me.

I have committed it to memory.

He could have taken advantage of my state. I wouldn't have discouraged him.

But he didn't.

He turned and left.

Laying here and reflecting on that fact, I cannot help but feel grateful. Again, I would not have been upset if something more did happen, but Edward must have known what it would have done to me. To both of us. The confusion that opening that can of worms would have brought.

As much as I would have liked to commit that to memory one more time, the feel of his arms around me, the feel of him inside of me, the look on his face as he came, the "I love you" that I am sure would have followed…it's best that it didn't happen.

Because I want him to understand that I understand…I send him a text.

It's only a thank you, but I hope that he can feel the message behind the small gesture. To me, it means that the gates to friendship might not be as locked as we fear. That maybe with time, we can move forward. Move on.

I lie back on my pillow and close my eyes.

There is comfort in letting go.

I am just not sure yet what I am letting go of.

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A/N: First, a huge thank you to anyone who is taking the time to not only read but review this story. It really is my crack. Who knew I would be such a review hoOr? I get so excited every time I see a review.

Second, I would like to thank jaimearkin for the most amazing banner. It makes this whole experience even more amazing. The Tanya is perfect and the Bella she chose in the front is so fierce and strong – exactly what I wanted. Love it! (It's on my profile page – check it out!

Recs:

Revelry - http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5679414/1/ - I cannot say enough about this story. It is heartbreaking and so beautifully written.

Last Tango in Forks - http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5918985/1/ - My Beta & Twitter lovelies turned me on to this one and omg – I will never look at butter the same again! j/s

Ok – please review and we'll see you next chapter!


	6. All Fall Down

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta and I appreciate all of her support as I take this journey. Her encouragement has been so wonderful and is still the only reason this fic is posting.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

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Chapter 6 – All Fall Down

EPOV

When I arrive in the parking lot on Monday all of my friends are abuzz.

"Fuckin' right man…I mean, did you see her?" Emmett says excitedly.

"Just a glimpse dude, but she got her good" Jasper responds with the same amount of enthusiasm.

"I just wish I would've seen it! I'm so fucking pissed that I didn't know…" Em responds and he's almost vibrating. Something has him extremely happy.

"Hey…what's up?" I ask.

"Duuuude…you won't believe it! Fucking Bella…" Em says.

He doesn't get to finish the sentence because hearing her name makes me panic. "What? What happened to her?"

Then I remind myself that it can't be something bad, because they wouldn't be jumping around like fucking pogo sticks if something had happened to her.

Alice laughs that sinister little laugh she has. "Bella punched Tanya!"

Bella did what?

That doesn't sound like my girl…but I find myself smiling along with them. This entire situation isn't all Tanya's fault. I hold my own blame, but after years of hitting on me, I'm glad for some reason… that Bella put her in her place.

I can't even imagine Bella hitting someone. I have to hold myself back from going to find her. I want to tell her I'm proud of her, but I can't.

"What happened?" I ask with the smile still on my face.

Alice responds "I talked to her yesterday. She said her and Tanya had words, but she didn't really elaborate. Anyway…Tanya gets here this morning and she's got this HUGE shiner! Our little Bella must have put some serious force behind that. Her face is swollen and purple from the corner of her eye to her mouth. She looks like she was in a car accident or something!"

"How do you know Bella did it?" I ask.

"Tanya was talking to Kate" Alice says, "and she was telling her that Bella is going to pay for what she did."

My throat constricts at that. The thought of someone actually having it out for Bella… wanting to retaliate? I don't like the sound of that.

I don't say anything but I make a mental note to find Tanya at some point today. She has to know that Bella was only acting like any girlfriend would if put in the same position.

Girlfriend… I sigh.

I try to find Tanya as the morning goes on but I don't see her. I make my way to the lunchroom with Jasper and Emmett in tow.

I am happy when I see that Bella is sitting at our table. She's whispering with Rose about something, their two heads huddling together like a sidebar between lawyers.

I grab a soda and a slice of pizza and make my way to the table.

"Hey" I offer up in general greeting to everyone as I sit down. I don't sit too close to Bella, even though I really just want to scoot right under her and pull her into my lap.

The conversation at the table is pretty casual. Bella actually asks me to pass her a napkin at one point and I'm so excited that she is speaking to me that I almost break the damn dispenser as I yank out enough napkins to distribute one to every student in the room.

I'm disappointed when lunch finally ends. I want to walk her to the locker that no longer belongs to her.

I see Bella once today as I'm making my way to the gym. She is in the computer lab. I stop to watch for a second as she discusses the distribution of the yearbooks with a few other people. They can't see me from where I stand so I take the opportunity to watch her work.

"There is exactly one months of school left. If we wait and distribute these until like the second to last week of school or even the last week, I think it would be better. Then people won't have time to take them home and lose them. They'll be more likely to have their classmates sign. Plus, it will be like a nice little parting gift to the seniors."

I have to smile as I watch her. She takes such command of the table. Bella is one of those people that were born to lead. I've watched her in some of her other groups in the past. People respond to her and trust her judgment.

"Last item on the agenda" she says with a sigh as she looks down at her notes, "Prom will be here before we know it. We have all of the arrangements taken care of… the DJ, the decorations, the food, beverages…The photographer called me last week to make sure we have his times down. He'll be here two hours before to make sure he can get some outside pictures of people for next year's book. To avoid crowding, we'll set him up for official couple pictures down by the biology room. That way people can get in and out of the gym without ducking around people taking pictures. I've talked to Jessica about having the seniors on decorating committee help us with the posters for the halls. We'll want to have a few more things up by the end of this week to get people pumped up. Then the week before, we'll fill the halls with all of the other posters. Does this sound good to everyone?"

In all that has been going on these past few weeks, I have completely forgotten about Prom. Bella had obviously agreed to go with me, but I wonder know if that can still happen.

"You don't strike me as the Prom Committee type" a voice says from beside me, causing me to jump.

Tanya.

She looks like shit. Her eye is swollen…and Alice was not exaggerating. The purple on the side of her face almost looks like make-up it was so bright.

"Run into a door?" I ask with a smirk. Still proud of my girl.

"Yeah…A brunette bitch of a door," she responds.

I move out of the spot where I have been standing into the hallway. I want to talk to Tanya about her comments about Bella but I don't want to risk the chance of Bella hearing my voice.

I motion for Tanya to come with me.

She looks hopeful as I turn to her in the hall. Like I might be planning on asking her out or something.

"Listen Tanya…I still don't blame you for anything that happened at that party. I know the picture wasn't your fault either. I just want to ask you to please leave Bella alone."

She laughs.

"Yeah, I love ya babe…but I don't think so. I didn't do anything to that fucking bitch and she just came out of nowhere and sucker punched me. She's definitely got an ass beating coming, but…If this shit doesn't clear up by Prom, I will fucking kill her."

"Imagine if you were her, Tanya. She didn't do anything to deserve all this bullshit."

She keeps snickering under her breath, but then seems to have some sort of idea.

"Listen…" she says as she moves closer to me. "You take me out on Friday night and I'll forget all about the Virgin Mary, okay?" She puts one hand on my chest and curls the other into my hair.

I have no interest in going out with Tanya. The thought of it and what it would do to Bella has my answer on the tip of my tongue already.

"Come on, Edward. Seriously…it'll be fun. Just casual." She adds.

I am in the process of moving away from her. I have one hand around the wrist on my chest and am reaching the other hand up to remove her hand from my hair.

"Excuse me," comes a little voice from beside us.

It's Bella…and she is standing in the doorway, looking down at the ground.

"Can I get by?" She adds, but doesn't look up.

"Bella!" I say with a start. I know what it must look like coming up to this scene right now. It appears we were in some type of embrace.

"Just move okay?" she practically begs. "It's none of my business."

I step to the side, not wanting to make her anymore uncomfortable then she probably already is.

"Can I talk to you Bella?" I ask as she moves between Tanya and me.

"No" she answers without any room for discussion in her voice.

I watch her walk down the hall, head hung, and feet moving extremely fast.

I sigh and look back at Tanya. She has a smirk on her face still. It reminds me that she also had a smirk on her face that night in Rosalie's room. I had forgotten that. Why, I wonder to myself, was she smiling if she didn't mean to cause problems with Bella and me?

I brush that thought out of my head for the moment. I have other things to think about.

"So...what I was going to say was no. I'm not going to take you out on Friday, Tanya. Can you not understand that my only goal right now is to get my girlfriend back?"

"Whatever" she says in a very curt tone. "Then I'll deal with my shit and you deal with yours."

"Does your shit include Bella?" I ask.

She just shrugs and heads off down the hall.

I don't see Bella again but I call her at about seven thirty. I figure I've allowed enough time for her to eat dinner and do her homework.

"Hello?" her beautiful little voice comes through the house phone. I know if I were to call her on her cell, she'd just ignore me.

"Hi Bella" I say in a soft voice.

"Why are you calling me, Edward?" she asks, annoyed.

"Well, first I want to explain today. Nothing was going on with Tanya. She cornered me in the hall and I was just going to tell her to get away from me when you came up."

Silence.

"Um…there are a couple other things I want to talk to you about too. First…Stay clear of her, okay? She wants to prove a point now because of what happened with you two. I don't want you to get hurt and…"

She interrupts.

"I'm not afraid of her Edward. Everything she could do to hurt me, she's already done."

"Just avoid her. You're better than she is. Don't sink to her bullshit level" I say because she is so much better then Tanya could ever be. "But just so you know…I'm really fucking proud of you Bella. You should be too."

More silence.

"I also want to talk to you about um…prom."

I wait.

"Bella? Will you still go with me to the prom?"

She's still so fucking silent that I fear she's hung up.

"Bella?"

"I heard you" she finally answers. "Edward…I don't think that's a good idea. I think it's better if we just spend time apart for a while."

"We could just go as friends?" I offer.

"I don't think it's a good idea." She repeats. "I'm sorry; I know it doesn't give you much time to find another date…"

"I don't want another fucking date, Bella!" I say with a bit of anger in my voice now.

"I'm gonna go now, Edward. Bye." And then she's gone.

I make it through the rest of the week, hanging on by a string. I miss her so fucking much. I see her occasionally in the halls now but she never looks at me. She's still sitting at our table for lunch, but she doesn't speak to me at all.

Friday comes and everyone is discussing weekend plans. It's early May and supposedly the weekend is going to be a little warmer. The forecast projects weather in the sixties. Everyone is talking about setting up tents out by La Push on First Beach on Saturday and having a bonfire.

Surprisingly, I actually want to do this. Being at the beach with Bella without all of the distractions of school is something I would love. Maybe if I can talk to her alone a little bit I can convince her to go to the prom with me.

It's not about the prom really. I couldn't care less if I go to a dance. It's just the thought of having Bella in that romantic setting, having our picture taken together. Holding her in my arms while we dance.

I am never going to get her back if things don't start going in another direction. Right now I barely get a word from her most days.

"You have to put that pole over there…OUCH! Jesus Christ dude, what the fuck?" Emmett yells to Jasper.

I am watching Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb trying to put together the last tent. I don't feel bad just observing I put up the other two by myself.

"Emmett, stop being so fucking hyper!" Jazz hollers back. Like Bella, Jasper isn't much for swearing, unless you piss him off. Apparently Emmett's doing that right now.

"I'm not hyper, asshole…I just want to get this shit done!"

Bella's father knows where she is this weekend. She told him that she was going camping with friends and he was okay with it. He supports any activities that involve the outdoors. Plus, he knows that we broke up so he's not worried about what she'll be doing at night I suppose.

The plan for the night is that Rose and Emmett will share a tent…for obvious reasons. Bella and Alice are going to share one and Jazz and I will share the other. I have been instructed by Jasper that while he is okay giving up cuddle time with Alice to keep Bella and I comfortable, I better make myself scarce for at least a while so he can get his groove on.

A few of our other friends from school have also come. They set up their tents near ours and everyone works together to find wood and set up the chairs and stuff.

I see Bella climbing up a rock to a landing with some small trees and bushes on it and I figure this is my first opportunity to talk with her alone.

I wait until she is busy searching for branches before I make my way up the rock.

"Hey" I say as I come up next to her "Any luck up here?"

She glances back and then back down to the bush she is currently feeling around. "Ummm…there are a few big branches over there." she points "but not a lot."

"I'll grab those, okay?"

She nods her head and moves to look on the other side of the bush.

"Bella?" I ask and she turns her head. "Do you want to talk?"

"Edward, I told you when I was at your house…I'm not going to get to see everyone together for much longer. I'm trying really hard not to make things weird. Please, please do the same."

She wipes the dirt off her hands onto a rock and then makes her way back down to the rest of our friends. I can see Rosalie watching us as she descends.

We make standard camping food…hot dogs and brats. The fire is raging and everyone is having a really good time. Weed and booze flowing freely. There are bunch of other kids from La Push hanging out with us. I don't know any of them. They go to the school on the reservation. They seem pretty cool and they've brought more beer so that's a plus.

I try not to let my failed attempt at talking to Bella affect the mood. Even if I have to fake it, I will not ruin the weekend for her.

At one point, I almost crack… I see her talking to some guy by the fire. She is laughing and smiling as he brushes something off her jeans. Instead I just take a walk with Jasper. While I can't do anything about it, I can't watch it either.

The water is way to cold to swim in, but it has turned out to be a really nice day. Some of the group plays volleyball in the sand for a couple of hours. Some people go exploring around in the woods.

"Hey Cullen" Rosalie says to me as she sits down on the rock next to me and bumps my shoulder with hers. "Contemplating a cure for cancer over here?" she jokes.

I am sitting looking out at the water. I have been for about an hour.

I smile at her but look back to the water.

"You and I haven't talked much over the past month" she says matter of fact. "It doesn't mean I don't care about you, you know?"

"I know Rose. You're a really good friend to Bella."

"I'm your friend too, Edward. I always have, always will be. I'm just really…disappointed by what you did. I just always thought you and Bella were unbreakable. It's always been like you two live in your own little love bubble. Like a shield or something."

"I know" I respond with a sigh. "I should have told her everything that happened that night but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I never wanted Tanya, Rose. She has to know that, right? I have no idea what I was doing there."

I look back over towards the fire where almost everyone is sitting now.

"Who's that guy talking to Bella?" I ask her, not even trying to hide my frustration and anger.

"Some dude from La Push. He's here with all those other people. I think his name's Jake."

"She like him?" I ask.

Rose puts her arm over my shoulder. "They are just talking Edward. Just be a good boy…let this shit between you and Bella run its course. I have no idea what will happen, but I do know one thing for sure" she says with a smile as she stands up.

"Yes, Oh wise one?" I tease her.

"I know that Bella loves you. The way she feels for you is not puppy love, not high school. That shit is for life. I can't tell you that she will come back to you though, because honestly? If that had been Emmett, I'd be wearing his fucking balls like earrings right now."

I cringe at the thought, because I have a feeling she's not kidding.

"Let her work through how she feels. If you and Bella are suppose to be together, it'll happen. If not? Like I said, the girl loves you. She'll always be in your life in some form or another."

"Thanks Rose…really."

I sit for a little longer and then make my way back over to the fire. Bella is still talking to the La Push fucker and everyone is comfortably high or buzzing on the provisions or each other depending on which direction I look.

Finally the day comes to an end. Rose and Emmett have been in their tent for about twenty minutes already so I'm hoping the highlights of whatever is going on in there have passed. Hopefully we're down to the cuddling now…I fear with Rose and Emmett that is probably too much to ask.

"Jazz?" I say in sort of a whisper.

"JAZZ!" I say a little louder.

"What?" he says in an irritated voice.

"I want to go to bed man."

I am standing outside our tent, aware that Alice is in there with him.

I hear a voice from the other tent.

"It's okay, Edward. Leave them alone…you can sleep in here."

Holy fuck.

Then Alice's voice pipes in, "Are you sure Bella? I can be over there in a minute…"

"No…it's fine. It's not a big deal."

There is no more talk from my tent so I assume they aren't going to turn the offer down.

I take a huge breath and unzip Bella's tent. I hunch down and go in as slowly as I can.

"Are you sure, Bella? I can probably go sleep in the Jeep?"

"Don't be silly. Just go to sleep, Edward."

I crawl into the sleeping bag across from her and attempt to close my eyes. There is no way I can with her literally a foot away from me.

I can feel that electrical surge again. Body heat rolling off of her.

I want nothing more then to scoot over and hold her.

Eventually sleep claims me for the night.

When I wake up in the morning, I feel warmth. I adjust my eyes and realize that I did in fact move over to her at some point in the night. We are still in our own sleeping bags, so how I pulled this off I'll never know, but regardless…I have my arm across Bella's collarbone and my face pushed into her hair.

Lavender.

Slowly, so not to jostle her, I move away. Missing the contact immediately.

I think for a moment that I should just go back over there and cuddle her until she wakes up and pushes me away. I could plead innocence. Pretend I didn't know I was next to her.

I quickly abandon that idea though. I will never lie to her again, even if it's something minor.

I make my way out of the tent and start up the fire. I have a pretty good start on breakfast when the others start to emerge.

"Well…look at you Betty Crocker!" Em says with a smile as he wipes the sleep from his eyes. He reaches up and grabs a thick branch on the tree and does a pull up.

Fucking show off.

"Stop acting like a fucking monkey" Rose warns him as she grabs a plate.

We eat breakfast and while the guys dismantle the tents, the girls clean up the campsite.

At some point, a couple of those guys from La Push show up again. That Jake dude is one of them. His friend, Quill, offers to help Jasper and Emmett carry tents to the Jeep and I start putting all my stuff into my duffle bag.

I try not to listen as Bella talks to Jake.

No…I'm totally trying to hear every word.

"So…is that a yes?" he asks and my ears stain even further to pick up the conversation without actually walking up to them. As it is, I may fall on my ass at any second from bending to the side like I am.

"Um…yeah. Yeah, that's sounds like fun. I've never ridden motorcycles before though so I could be horrible at it!" she snorts.

"Naw…I'm an excellent teacher. We'll have you flying around the field in no time!"

"You say this now" she jokes, "but you have no idea how clumsy I am!"

"I promise, you'll be safe with me. We ride all the time. I'll have a helmet and everything for you! He pauses and then says "Okay…well, I better get back. I'm helping a friend fix up his car this afternoon, but um…I've got your number now so I'll call you and we'll plan for next Saturday then?"

Motherfucking son of a bitch….

My head is spinning. Is my Bella going on a fucking date? Is that what's happening over there? They are setting up a fucking DATE!

"Yeah, that sounds good" she says softly. "I'll talk to you later in the week."

I want to die.

A few minutes later Rose, Alice and Bella are hopping into one car and Jasper, Emmett and I finish putting the last of our items in Rose's trunk.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asks me, definite concern in his tone.

I thought I was holding it together. I wasn't supposed to hear that conversation.

Apparently I wasn't as together as I thought though.

"It's cool" I respond.

"Dude, I've known you forever. It's definitely not cool."

"Just wait until we get in the Jeep and then I'll tell you, okay?"

He nods but goes over to pull Alice from the front seat for a hug goodbye. Rose has started the car, but she is now practically flat on the hood with Emmett hovering over her.

Bella sits in the back seat with her head leaning on the window. I give her a small wave when I see her look my direction. She sits up and gives the same small wave in return.

We barely hit the open road when Jasper leans through the gap in the seats. "So… spill, Edward."

"She has a date" I respond, "with one of those La Push fuckers."

There is silence in the car for a moment as they both look at me, trying to see if I'm serious.

"Watch the road, Emmett" I say as I flop my head back against the seat.

"Fuck man…you've got to put a stop to this shit now" he says. "I mean, I was all for Rose's way of letting shit 'run its course' or whatever the fuck she says, but this has gotten out of hand. I mean, look, you fucked up…You really fucked up. Nobody disputes that…but it's time to stop sulking around brooding over your woman and claim her the fuck back."

"You sound like a caveman, Em" I chuckle lightly. "How exactly do you suggest I claim her back?"

"I don't know. I'm a man of action though…you have to start doing something. Otherwise, before you know it Bella is gonna really move on to some other motherfucker. You're going to go off to college and that's gonna be it, Ed. You'll be separated by what? A hundred and forty miles and some really big fucking mountains and then how do you fix it? You don't…"

He doesn't always have the most eloquent way of saying things but Emmett is right. I have a clock chasing me right now.

Emmett drops me off at my house and I say a quick hello to my parents.

"Did you guys have fun?" my mom asks.

"Yeah, it was…good" I respond.

My mother goes back to frosting her cake but she reminds me as I turn to go upstairs "Edward? I'm your mother…I know when something is wrong. If you don't want to talk to me about it, I wish you would at least talk to your dad."

I just nod and keep going.

When I get to my room, I lie back on my bed and feel drained. I just can't get the thought of Bella with another guy out of my head. I can't let this get serious with her and Jake, I know that much.

I am realistic, whether I want to be or not. I know there is a very good chance I will never be with Bella again. But I'm done sitting back and accepting my fate. I have to do something to at least try to get her back.

* * *

A/N:

So there you go kids…Bella kicked a little ass, Jacob has made his grand entrance and Edward's mom bakes a cake. What more could you ask out of one little chapter, right? LOL

I want to give a huge shout out to the people who have taken the time to read, review, PM me or find me on Twitter to let me know what they think of the story (justagirl). I am beyond humbled. I was amazed when the first review came in and have appreciated every one since. **Starting now…everyone who reviews will receive a small teaser prior to chapters being released**.

I could lie and say I have this entire thing planned out already, but the truth is I've made some pretty big changes to my original plan already…so while I have a general idea and a shit load of story notes, I'm writing this puppy as we go. Right now, I have 16 chapters complete. Hope you are enjoying!


	7. And So It Goes

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta and I now have the wonderful AydenM pre-reading for me. Who's a lucky girl? Um…ME!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

* * *

EPOV

"_Jesus Christ, Bella… again?"_

_I knew I was being unreasonable even as the words left my mouth. There was no reason for me not to trust Bella. I trusted her completely…but I didn't trust him._

"_I'm serious! I don't know why you are rolling your eyes."_

"_I'm rolling my eyes," she said with a much exaggerated roll, I assumed to push her point further, "because you are acting like an ass! I cannot help it if I have to work. Unlike you, I don't have cash just poking out from under the mattress! I don't know why you don't trust me. I don't say anything when that little slut drapes herself all over you…and that happens almost on a daily basis!"_

_I sighed. "Bella…I told you, I do trust _you_, but I don't trust him. I mean seriously? How much fucking inventory could possibly need to be accounted for in a small store in Forks fucking Washington? It's not like you guys are pulling together numbers for Big 5 Sporting Goods or some shit! He just looks for every opportunity he can find to be alone with you and _that_ is what is pissing me off…not that you are working. And…just to be clear, I've wanted to tell Tanya off for years but you won't let me because you don't want to cause shit. That is not my fault."_

"_I just do what they tell me to do, Edward" she said in exasperation. "What do you suggest I do when they tell me they need me to work?"_

_I shrugged and then we sat for a few minutes, both of us looking down at our hands. _

_Finally I broke the silence._

"_I'm sorry…I'm being a dick." I looked at her with a small smirk. "I just…I hate that that fucker gets more time with you than I do lately."_

_She gave me a little smirk in return. "Yes he does," she nodded, "but at least take comfort in the fact that the time I spend with you is put to so much better use…"_

_She got off my bed and sauntered over to where I was, sitting on the chair in front of my computer desk. She straddled my lap…which wasn't an easy thing to do because the chair had wheels. I was actually quite impressed with my clumsy little girl._

_I put my hands on her hips and maintained eye contact with her. _

"_There is no reason to be jealous baby," she whispered. "You are the only one who holds my attention." _

_She slid her hand under my shirt and retrieved my necklace._

"_I'll always want you…forever," she said as she held it between her fingers. _

_I leaned forward and kissed her fingers. "I promise I'll stop acting like such a douche…I know you have to work."_

_She smiled and nodded her head. "Just keep in mind, baby," she said with a playful tone in her voice, "the whole purpose of me working is so that I'll be able to afford to move to Seattle, go to school and shack up with you in our little sex den."_

_She kissed my forehead, moving down to my ear… "Where I can ravish you on a daily basis."_

_My eyes rolled back in my head as her tongue slipped out and moved along my jaw. "Sex den?" I moaned, "Well then, Miss Swan…far be it for me to stand in the way as you pursue such admirable goals."_

I feel so guilty now as I think back on that memory. It was just mere weeks later that I found myself at the party that changed our relationship forever.

On the night of the party, Bella had been working late with Mike again. She called me to say that she would probably be there for a couple more hours at least. She explained that she was currently going through boxes of _Barska and Emerson_ binoculars because someone had accidentally combined the two on the shelves.

I'd chuckled, but said under my breath, "yeah…I wonder who would do such a thing?"

I play that night over in my head almost constantly. It now plays as I drive myself to school. It plays at night when I close my eyes. How did I go from being irritated at Mike to letting Tanya do what she did?

I try to push those thoughts out of my head as I think about the more pressing matter at hand…

Bella's date.

I have hardly been able to get that thought out of my head since I heard them talking yesterday. We aren't together…which is entirely my fault…so I have no right to feel angry. Yet I do.

Even more than the anger though, I'm surprised. I have been telling myself that we will work everything out eventually. Even though what had happened is unforgivable, it just has never even occurred to me that she'd just move on.

I meet up with my friends in the lot and everyone is still talking about the camping trip. They are already planning to do it again. We'll definitely go in July so we can swim.

I feel Bella behind me before I see her. I turn my head and watch her as she makes her way over.

I know that she probably hasn't changed so much in the time we've been apart but there are subtle differences. She is obviously spending additional time curling her hair in the morning. When we were together most school days she would just pull it back into a ponytail or put one of those head band thingy's on. Now her curls were intentional… flowing with purpose down her back like she always did when we would go out. Her make-up is still minimal, but there is a little more to it. Her eye shadow a little darker, her lips a little pinker. Most people probably wouldn't even notice the changes…but I do.

"Mornin' Bella bear!" Emmett greets her and everyone else jumps in with hi's.

We all stand around just talking casually for a few minutes before making our way towards the school.

"You look beautiful Bella," I say as I slow my stride to match hers.

"Thank you," she says with a meek smile.

"Did you have fun this weekend?"

"Yes, it was really nice" she says looking straight ahead.

"So, um…you're hanging out with that Jake guy, then?" I don't say it with anger in my tone, just a casual comment.

"Umm…yeah…maybe."

"Bella?" I ask as I reach out and take her wrist, bringing her to a stop, "Please, please don't do this?"

"Edward…" she responds with pain in her voice, "don't do _this_please?"

"I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but baby, please…"

"Edward!" She says more firmly. "First of all, you can't call me baby, okay? I'm not…well, you just can't say those things to me. Second, as far as whom I am or am not hanging out with? That's not your business anymore."

I still have a light hold on her wrist. She hasn't pulled it away yet.

"I know…" I look down at the pavement, "I have no right to do anything anymore but, Bella? I just need you to know that…I still love you so much. I understand that you can't forgive me right now but please don't do anything that would…prevent us from finding our way back to each other eventually."

I use my free hand to remove my necklace from my shirt and lay it flat. I go to remove hers as well, carefully of course so not to invade the boundries in place right now, but she pulls her wrist from my hand and places it at the top of her shirt.

"Edward…" she says, a little embarrassed, "Um…have you even looked in the box I brought you?"

I shake my head. The last thing I want to do is unpack that box. That shit is going right back where it belongs as far as I am concerned.

"The necklace is in the box, Edward."

My eyes shoot to hers immediately and I am in pain again.

She maintains her composure though and continues, "And I'm wondering…about the not doing something that would prevent us from finding our way back to each other? Would that include giving Jacob a blow job and then sending you a commemorative text?"

That's fair, I think to myself. I deserve it…but it still fucking stings. Bad.

"Bella…I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you for what happened, if you'll let me, but…I can't try to earn your trust back if you won't give me a chance, if you won't even talk to me."

"You're right" she says and I think maybe we are getting somewhere. Unfortunately, those thoughts are quickly dashed, "but I'm not to a point where I want to give you a chance. And even if I were? I'm not sure that there will ever be anything but friendship between us Edward. You need to get on with your life…Don't wait for what might happen."

What the fuck is that?

Now I am actually pissed. I know what happened but fuck…yell at me, scream at me, kick my ass, something…but how do you tell someone for ten years that you love them and then turn the shit off so quickly? I say as much to her.

"So that's it then? We spend all these years telling each other how much we love the other…we make plans for what we want after all this high school bullshit is over…we make love, Bella? And one admittedly humungous fucking mistake is all it takes for you to walk away? I don't even get the chance to talk to you about it or try to fix it? I didn't fuck her Bella…Hell I didn't even want to be there! It was one… what…thirty second fucking mistake? You are really going to throw away everything?"

"I guess that's what I'm saying."

I don't mean it, even as it's making its way from my brain and out of my mouth, but I am so upset by the fact that she has no interest in fighting for us that I say it anyway.

"Well, fuck you then, Bella…Fuck You!"

I move past her and into the school. My friends are watching me with stunned looks on their faces. I am internally kicking my own ass. I should just turn around and go back. I should tell her I don't mean it.

Instead I head into the boys' bathroom. We only have one stall in ours, so I'm glad the motherfucker is empty. I go in and close the door and lean back against it.

What have I done?

After all my intentions of "claiming my girl back" as Em put it, I've only made things worse. There is no way she will forgive me now.

But I'm still pissed. It might be wrong, but its there nonetheless. My body is shaking. How fucking dare she just give up on us like this?

I should go out and start dating all those fucking girls that have wanted me since elementary school. I should bring them around all of our friends and put my arm around their shoulders…give them kisses on the cheek, and wipe shit off their fucking jeans…

I should fucking show her.

As much as I realize I am being a complete fucking douche, I continue to make shitty little underhanded comments to her for the rest of the week. She asks me one day at lunch to pass the ketchup. Normally I would be thrilled that she is giving me the time of day, but this week I have apparently been possessed by a six year old. I don't even acknowledge her. Jasper passes her the fucking ketchup.

By Friday I can tell she has had enough of my bullshit. She glares at me a couple of times and tries to put on that happy, _I don't give a shit that you are in the room_ look. She giggles with Rose and Alice, teases Emmett about something that happened to him in gym class and she gives Jasper half of her sandwich.

"So…what's the plan for this weekend?" Em asks as the tension becomes so much at our table that you could cut it with a knife.

Nobody responds.

"Are we gonna do anything?" He questions again.

The girls are all looking at each other, eyes darting around uncomfortably. I realize this has something to do with Bella's date. To further identify with my preschool mentality, I speak up.

"Jesus Christ…would you guys stop looking around like I'm gonna pull out a chainsaw or something? You can talk about Bella's date…I couldn't give a shit." I toss the cookie I am holding back down on my tray, hard.

Alice looks at me, obviously pissed by my behavior. "Okaaay…fine" she says with finality, "Bella? Let's talk about that date, shall we?"

Bella moves uncomfortably in her seat, but I continue to look at her, daring her to speak.

"Um…no, we don't need to do that," She says.

"No, come on…" Alice speaks again, just egging me on. "What's the plan? What are you guys gonna do?"

I don't know why she is doing this. I don't know if she wants me to blow up?

"Um…we were going to go out to his friend's house and ride motorcycles. We might just go to the movies though because the ground is still pretty wet." Her lip quivers and her voice is unsteady.

"Well…that sounds like fun," I say in the best sarcastic voice I can channel.

Alice glares at me again and with the same venom in her tone that she had used the last time she went off on me when we argued in this lunch room, she says "Maybe you guys could go up to the cliffs after the movie…that would be romantic."

Okay…that is all I can take.

"You are a fucking bitch!" I say to Alice as I get up quickly, causing my chair to flip back. Jasper stands up then, acting like I'm going to go off on his girl. That was never my intention so I just turn and head out the door.

I am in the hallway now, kicking the shit out of a locker. My blood is boiling, my head is pounding and all I can think of is driving to the reservation and beating the living fucking piss out of that dog. If he thinks he's going to have some romantic fucking stroll along the beach with my girl, he has another thing coming.

"Edward," I hear behind me.

Alice.

"Go away Alice…seriously."

"Turn around and look at me, Edward!" She says with authority.

I lean my head against the locker, trying to calm my breath. I stay in this position for what feels like two minutes.

"Edward…look at me," She says again.

I turn. "What Alice? Did I give you the reaction you were looking for? What do you want from me?"

She sighs heavily. "Edward…you are my friend. I was just trying to do what everyone else has been trying to do…pull you out of this Emo act you've got going on. It may have been a little too dramatic, but yes, I got the reaction I wanted. Get pissed off. Get angry. And then you know what? Get. The. Fuck. Over. It. Stop the stalking and the sulking. Stop the shitty little comments you've been throwing out there all week. I know Bella in a very different way then you do. All of this stuff you've been doing lately? You are not going to get her back this way. You just keep pushing her further away." She takes another steadying breath. "It may not seem like it, but I am rooting for you two to get through this but if you want her back you have to change your approach and you have to stop making things so uncomfortable for everyone who cares about both of you."

"So…what am I supposed to do then, Alice? She's going on a fucking date. A date!"

"You do what I told you to do the night all of this bullshit started. You give her some time. You stop making everything about you and how you feel…what you want. You rebuild from the bottom up…not by trying to jump right back in as her boyfriend but as her friend. And above all else? You fucking trust Bella! You know her, Edward…Bella is not the type of girl that would run off and hook up with some guy. She's just confused right now and you keep fueling the fire. I know it was wrong of me to cause that scene in there but I'm so afraid if things keep going like they are, you are going to be off to college and the group that I have come to love this year will be beyond repair."

She moves in now, closer to me, and puts her hands on my shoulders. "I love you, Edward. Like you're my brother or something. Just be her friend, okay?" She has tears in her eyes now.

I sigh and put my arms around her waist, pulling her into a hug.

I hate the way I let her get to me in the cafeteria but she's absolutely right. I have been making this about me. As much as I try to say I am concerned about how Bella is, my main focus has been 'when is she going to come back to me?'

At the end of the day I make my way through the parking lot with Jazz and Em. No more had been said about my breakdown at lunch, but I'm kind of looking at Jasper in a different light today. I know he and Alice have gotten really close this year but I had no idea if it would carry on past graduation when Jasper heads to Seattle with us. Now I can see, he's definitely in love with the little pixie. He loves her like I love Bella. Even though we've been friends since we were six, I have no doubt in my mind that had I got up in Alice's face at that table; quiet, deep thinking Jasper would have kicked my ass.

When I reach the middle of the lot I glance to the side and see Bella standing by her truck digging in her backpack. I decide there's no better time than the present to just put this shit to rest.

"I'll see you guys later."

I nod to Jasper and Emmett and make my way across the lot.

I walk up behind her.

"Bella?"

I see her shoulders drop but she doesn't turn around. "Edward…I can't fight with you anymore. Please just go away." She sounds so sad.

"Bella…please look at me for a second, okay?"

She stands there for a minute but then squares her shoulders and turns around, obviously preparing herself for more of my shit.

"Look…I'm really sorry about how I've been behaving…how I behaved in the lunchroom. I was a jealous asshole and you didn't deserve that."

She goes to speak but I shake my head.

"No…please? Please just let me be the one to get through this, this time" I say and she nods.

"I love you, Bella. Never for a minute doubt that. I will always love you. But…I know now that I have to stop this before I have no hope of having my best friend in my life again. As much as it kills me…I have to let you go." The tears are pooling in my eyes.

"I can't take back the huge mistakes I have made. Not just the Tanya thing, but the way I've behaved since. And if I think about it, I guess I've made things all about me even before any of this. I had no right to get mad at you for working…as much as I've always thought I was loving you right, you were arranging your life around what I wanted and I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry for that."

"Edward," She interjects, tears streaming down her face.

I shake my head again.

"No…don't cry, Bella... I'm not trying to make you hurt more then you already are. I guess I just want to say…" taking another big breath, "what I am trying to say is…you go out with this Jake guy…If you think he will make you happy, that's all I want for you. If it's some other guy, then I'll do my best to be supportive of that too. I am not going to make you uncomfortable anymore. No more pressure. Maybe I'm just not good for you Bella…I get that now." I take one more steadying breath. "Can I ask _you_ for a favor this time though?"

She nods again, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Don't do anything reckless, like trying to drive from a party drunk again. If you need a friend, need anything, I am here. I'll always be here…"

She is full on sobbing now. People are looking at us and I assume they think I am yelling at her or something. I see our friends moving in our direction so I need to bring this to a close.

I reach out and pull her to me, she doesn't protest. I hug her tightly and she melts into my arms. I kiss the top of her head.

I see Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice stop about twenty yards away; realizing that I'm not hurting her but that this is a private moment. They don't look away, but they are no longer in pursuit.

I pull back a little and lift her chin up with one of my hands, keeping the other still securely around her waist and I look into her eyes with a little smirk on my lips.

"Hey," I try to say in a teasing voice, "no more crying, beautiful girl. Rosalie will kill me when she sees the mess I've made of your make-up." I use my thumb to wipe the tears under her eyes.

She tsks and rolls her eyes, trying to form a smile.

"Seriously though…friends?" I ask, hoping.

She stares right into my eyes for what seems like an eternity.

"Friends." she says with a nod.

* * *

A/N: So…First, I've had several people ask me about Jacob so I want to address that so you can breathe. While I do not promise a HEA for Bella and Edward as a couple (You'll just have to read and see what happens there! LoL), I am not going to have Bella end up with the dog. That you can count on.

Second – I am so incredibly grateful to DaniaMCullen, AydenM and Jaimearkin for making me love this experience more than I ever imagined. Between beta'ing, pre-reading and my amazing banner I am just giddy every time I write.

Third – Readers/Reviewers. I don't even know how to express my love for you. Each review (and some of them are so detailed!) makes my day. I welcome the good, bad and the ugly. They will all make the story better, in my opinion because I take each comment to heart.

REC: Bang by RasXputin www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6386025/3/Bang – its only 3 chapters in but Edward is a porn star. If you like naughty, this one is fun so far!

Reviews get you teaser to the next chapter...


	8. Pick Up Sticks

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta and I now have the wonderful AydenM pre-reading for me. Who's a lucky girl? Um…ME!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

* * *

Chapter 8 – Pick Up Sticks

EPOV

It's Saturday.

It's seven thirty at night and quiet outside.

Someone was mowing a lawn earlier.

I have been sitting on my bed all day, staring at the ceiling.

I think I remember my mom coming to the door a while ago.

I have heard my cell buzz a thousand times.

I recall being thirsty at one point, but that has passed.

The only movement I have made all day is the occasional glance at the alarm clock to my right.

Seven thirty one.

All I have been able to think of since I woke this morning is Bella. Her date is today.

On Friday at lunch the plans seemed to still be a little uncertain. As far as my imagination can predict, she has either been riding motorcycles with that motherfucker or she has been to a movie.

Maybe she's at a movie right now.

My whole body hurts at the thought.

"_Bella…just get in the fucking car," I tried to say in the sweetest voice I could muster through my annoyance._

"_I want to know where we are going," she pouted._

"_Isn't the whole point of this shit that I'm supposed to surprise you?"_

_Her lip twitched and she smirked a little. "I don't like surprises." She's caving though._

_I let out an exaggerated breath. _

"_Bella?" I say as I bent my head slightly, giving her the sex eyes she seemed to love so much. I rocked the car door back and forth a couple of times. "Can you please get in the car so I can romance you properly? If not…well, I'm just gonna have to find some other girl to shower all of this attention on."_

_Of course I was teasing her…and she knew that._

"_This is a dumb holiday," She said with an eye roll and finally climbed in the fucking car._

_Yes, Valentine's Day is a fucking stupid holiday. _

_I mean, if you love somebody, you show them all year long, right? I gave Bella flowers all the time. Granted not always the fancy roses she had in her lap then, but almost every time I walked to her house, weather permitting, since I was fourteen I have picked the girl fucking wild flowers. I bought her little gifts sometimes too, if I saw something that reminded me of her. I told her I love her all the time. Hell…I even composed little songs for her when I practiced my music. I didn't need someone to mark a day on a calendar and tell me that is the day I'm supposed to show her my love!_

_But…it is what it is. Even though Valentines Day is a commercial holiday, I was not going to be the assfuck boyfriend who doesn't do it up right. _

_So there we were…in her fucking driveway arguing about what surprise I had up my sleeve._

_Originally we were all going to go out as a group but because the three of us…Emmett, Jasper and myself, couldn't come to an agreement on exactly what we should do, we decided to take our girls out separately._

_Emmett is a fucking Neanderthal. We knew that. While his evening did include dinner somewhere, probably at Gordy's Pizza and Pasta, he had also reserved a room at one of those theme hotels. They couldn't stay all night, just a few hours, because Rose's parents were in town and wanted her home at a decent hour, but Emmett said it was totally worth it when he described the room to Jazz and me. _

"_Dude… so I got this fucking jungle room, right? I mean the bed…water bed," he said while moving his eyebrows up and down, "it looks like a fricking rock wall with the actual bed made to look like a lake or swamp or something. Then there's fucking shit all over the ceiling that you can hang off of!" He was absolutely jumping at this point, he was so excited. "Like Rose will be totally fucking NAKED and on a swing in the air, man!"_

_We laughed too, because we are teenage boys…but also because Rosalie totally got off on that shit. Literally. _

_Jazz had taken Alice to his house. His parents had gone out for Valentine's too so he had the house to himself. He had planned to cook her dinner to start off with and because he's as freaky a fucker as Emmett but in a more subdued way, he had bought like chaps and cowboy hats and shit. Apparently he and Alice got a little kinky sometimes as well and like to incorporate his southern roots into the bedroom._

_My plans for Bella were a lot tamer, I guess, compared to my freaky friends._

"_Will you please just tell me what we are doing?" she asked again as we made our way onto the freeway._

"_We're going to dinner, Bella," I said as I played with the iPod on the dash. _

"_I know that much…" she said with another pout._

"_Just relax," I told her, "you won't be hanging from any vines or riding me like a cowgirl, if that's what you are worried about."_

_She laughed at that. "Well…the second one sounds kind of interesting."_

_My dick twitched . Maybe my girl shares the kinky tendencies of my friends more than I realized?_

_We made our way into Port Angeles and I pulled into the parking lot at Bella Italia. Yeah…I knew it was so cliché but it's a good restaurant._

_Bella was wearing a beautiful black dress that flowed and ended just below her knees. It had a slit up the back that made me want to trail my hand up her thigh._

_I'd made reservations so we were seated almost immediately upon arrival. Some people like to sit near the front of the restaurant and take in the view from the wall to wall windows, but I had requested a quiet table in the back._

_As the waitress led us, she kept glancing at me with obvious fuck me eyes. I tried not to look, but she swayed her hips in a really seductive way. I had wondered does this girl not realize it's fucking Valentine's Day and I am obviously on a date? I laughed to myself as I'd thought maybe she was a relative of Tanya's, because they were both clueless as to how one should act when the guy is taken._

_I pulled Bella's chair out for her and then took my own seat. Busty blonde waitress leaned down so her tits were practically in my face and her lips were at my ear. I looked at Bella nervously, but she just giggled and placed her napkin in her lap._

"_So listen…I know you are probably not old enough, but if you want to have wine with your meal tonight, I'm more than happy to give it to you."_

_She said "give it to you" in a sexy whisper._

_I'm wasn't interested in whatever she was offering, including the wine, but I had to roll my eyes at Bella, who was getting a real kick out of this whole scene._

"_Um…thanks," I respond, "but my fiancé and I will probably just have soda."_

_She pulled back and looked at me a little shocked but stood up straight. "Here are your menus. I'll be back in a moment to take your drink order then, okay?"_

_She doesn't wait for a response, just walks away._

"_Thanks!" I said to Bella as I opened my menu. "Were you planning on claiming your man at any point there?"_

_She laughed. "No…It was funny. You get so flustered. Fiancé' huh?"_

_I leaned a little closer to her and moved my hand to her lap. I snaked it under the napkin and placed it directly over her pussy and pressed lightly. "The only thing that gets me flustered is you, sweetheart."_

_Her eyes rolled a little as I moved my hand just slightly. She closed them and placed her hand over mine. Now I was sitting there rock fucking hard, making circles and wishing we had rented a jungle room like Emmett._

"_What can I get you to drink?" I heard next to me and practically jumped out of my seat._

_I moved my hand back to my own lap to adjust myself casually. "Um…I'll have a coke. Bella?"_

"_The same please" she said with a breathy voice._

_I ordered the Filetto Di Manzo for dinner, which is a grilled tenderloin steak that comes with roasted red potatoes and salad. Bella had Cioppino, a pasta dish with shrimp, crab, scallops and shit in some kind of red sauce. At first she just wanted to order salad, balking at the prices, but I finally convinced her to let me spoil her that one day of the year._

_Bella was always so funny about how much money I had. She hated it when I bought her things. _

_Honestly, it was my parents money…I just liked to spend it. I don't know why it bothered her so much. I mean, I knew her dad didn't have a lot of money but it wasn't like they were poor or anything. I liked treating her to things when we went out._

_Half way through dinner Bella moved her plate away from her. "I am sooo stuffed! "She chuckled. "I'll have to take the rest to go."_

_I had pretty much eaten everything on my plate so I pushed it forward as well._

_I leaned over and gave her a small kiss on the cheek and then trailed around to her ear. _

"_Can I finish what I started earlier?" I asked as I moved my hand back to her lap again._

_I felt her thighs spread just slightly and was immediately hard again. Thank goodness the tables had long linen coverings to the floor and Bella was against a wall so nobody could see around it if they wanted to._

_I moved my hand from her lap, bending just a little so I could catch the hem of her dress. I moved my hand underneath and started making my way back up, the dress sliding with my hand. I reached her center and pressed._

"_Oh god," she whispered in a breathy voice._

_I rubbed a couple of times and then looked around the room casually. All of the other patrons were lost in their own conversations and romantic Valentine's dinners, so I took my fingers and slid her panties to the side. _

_She stiffened a little and looked at me with panicked eyes._

_I leaned closer for a second to whisper "relax, baby" in her ear and then leaned with my elbow on the table so that it just appeared I was relaxing. I was actually in the position so that my other hand could continue to move on Bella._

_I touched her clit with one finger and started to move it in small circles. Bella leaned forward now with both of her elbows on the table, pretending to look at the dessert menu. Doing so also caused her legs to spread a little further._

_I kept my eyes alert so if busty blonde showed up again I wouldn't jump this time. Although there was no way I would be pulling my hand away again. You couldn't see what I was doing unless you walked around the table and literally looked down into Bella's lap._

_Every once in a while Bella would move her hips just a little. Her breathing was soft but obviously excited._

_I started to speed up my movements now and then took another finger and began massaging her entrance. She was already so fucking wet._

"_Edward" she mewed as she leaned on one of her hands, elbows still on the table. To a casual observer it would've appeared she was really studying that menu but I smiled at the fact her eyes were now closed._

_I slipped my finger inside of her._

"_Edward!" she said a little louder and looked at me now, not really sure what to do. It was clear to me that she wanted me to continue but was afraid she would be too loud._

_I kept moving my finger in and out of her, while still rubbing her clit with another finger. Her hips had moved with a little more urgency._

_I glanced around the room to make sure nobody was watching or approaching and then I turned a little in my chair so I further blocked her from view. I leaned towards her and whispered in her ear._

"_Baby? I am going to finger fuck you so hard in a second that you are going to want to scream."_

_She kind of shook her head "no" but her hips spoke louder as they continued to swivel slightly on the chair._

"_I'm going to look you right in the eyes, baby. When you feel like you are going to come you just lean forward and kiss me hard. Put everything into the kiss so you don't scream, okay?"_

_I moved my lips from her ear and kissed her cheek softly. I didn't move away from her. I just stared into her eyes. _

_At first they were still panicked, but then she relaxed and they became hooded. I took this as my sign and began to move my fingers feverishly. I was pumping one in and out of her and rubbing with the other. _

_To the casual observer, we just looked like Valentines lovers gazing into each others eyes._

_Things didn't go quite according to my plan though. _

_I felt her pussy start to constrict and I knew we were almost there. My cock throbbed in anticipation._

_All of a sudden Bella's hands moved from the table and clutched the chair on both sides of her hips. Her body pressed back into the back of the chair and we lost eye contact. Her head fell back and she was breathing heavy, but not screaming…so, yeah…I kept going._

_I looked around the room again and all was clear._

_As I looked back to Bella I saw her intake a huge breath and her whole body quivered slightly. I could see she was trying really hard not to make any noise._

_It was the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen in my life. I almost came myself. _

_I felt her juices flow down my fingers and I wanted so badly to crawl under the table and lap them up. I remained where I was though and slowed my movements as her body began to relax and she came down._

_When she righted her head and gave me a lazy smile, she was actually fucking glowing. I had made Bella come hundreds of times over the past few months but that was a sight to behold. _

_Apparently Bella liked getting off in front of other people. Who knew?_

_She giggled slightly and then removed her hands from the chair. She ran her fingers down her hair, tried to collect herself and then picked up the menu off the table as if nothing had happened._

_The little smirk on her face and the wetness on my fingers were the only indication that anything had transpired._

"_Did you save room for dessert?" she asked me as her eyes peeked up from the menu._

_Not to be outdone by her casual façade I just shrugged my shoulders as I removed my hand from her body. I lifted my fingers to my mouth and licked them._

"_I think I have my dessert right here"_

_We left the restaurant and made our way to the car._

"_Thank you for an amazing Valentine's Edward," she said as she wrapped her arms around one of mine, walked next to me and cuddled into my bicep. _

"_It's not over yet," I reminded her._

_I drove us across town to a small, all ages club that I knew about. They played really good blues music._

_We took a table close to the stage and watched the musicians as they jammed. They weren't playing songs we knew, just singing and playing whatever came to mind as the music took over their senses. It was really fucking amazing._

_After we had been there about forty five minutes and had drunk a cup of coffee each, one of the musicians turned from his chair on the stage to pull the mic stand to his mouth. _

"_Hope all you lovers out there are enjoying your evening," he said in a husky voice. "As most of you regulars know…I teach music during the week in Seattle." His hands were moving across the strings on his guitar as he spoke and it almost sounded like he was singing another song. "A few months ago, I had the opportunity to play a little with some of next year's freshman when they came up for an open house." His fingers were still strumming. "I met this cocky little fucker that day...a piano player…who in my humble opinion…is one of the best musicians I've seen come through the doors in years."_

_His fingers continued to move and I fidgeted a little in my seat. I knew it was coming, but I was still nervous._

"_Anyway," he continued, "this little musical genius calls me about a week ago and says 'Jackson…I'd like to play a song for my girl on Valentine's Day'." The blues beat got stronger with the other musicians joining in slightly in the back. "So…let's all welcome him to the stage so he can play Bella that song, what do you say?"_

_As I went to stand, Bella's eyes shot to me with a look of panic, shock, fear and excitement all in one look. "What are you doing?" she asked._

_I smiled, bent down and kissed the top of her head and then made my way to the stage._

_The people in the audience we're clapping, encouraging me as I made my way. I sat down at the piano and flexed my fingers to calm my nerves._

_I leaned into the microphone propped on top of the piano._

"_Bella…I wrote this for you. Happy Valentine's Day, baby. I love you."_

_I began playing one of the little jazzy blues songs I had composed over the past couple of months. It was soft and sultry and every note reminded me of Bella. It was her lullaby in a sense. It was how I felt when I held her._

_Eventually the other musicians picked up the beat and began to play along with me. I finally took the opportunity to peek out at the audience to see Bella. I wasn't sure exactly if this would embarrass her, since she never liked to be the center of attention but I figured it was the one thing I could do for her that maybe nobody else could. Memorable Valentine's gift, right? I hoped anyway._

_She was sitting in her chair, staring back at me as tears streamed down her face. I didn't take my eyes from hers for the rest of the song._

_When I made my way back to our table, she stood and wrapped her arms around me. I could faintly hear the applause and the ooh's and awe's coming from the people around us, but this moment was about us. I leaned down into her hair, right over her ear. _

"_I love you Bella. Always"_

_We drove back to Forks that night blissfully in love. Instead of taking her straight home, I pulled off onto a dirt road that led back to a meadow. Bella and I liked to come here sometimes in the summer, but it would be too cold right now to get out of the car._

_I figured we could just make out a little bit before we had to call it a night._

_Bella had always been adamant that she was not having sex in the car. Ever. So that wasn't even something I was thinking of as I brought the car to a stop. _

_We turned towards each other and began to kiss. Just because we weren't going to have sex did not mean we couldn't play a little. Bella never had an issue with me feeling her up in the car._

_I snaked my hand back under her dress again and was making my way to her center when she stopped my hand with her own. I was a little surprised. No Valentine's grope for Edward? I thought, admittedly disappointed... _

_I removed my lips from her neck so I could give her my best pouty face, but was surprised when I was met with very hooded eyes._

_She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned towards the door, reaching for the handle._

_I reached forward and grabbed her thigh._

"_No baby. It's too cold out." I reminded her, thinking she might be planning to pull the blanket we kept in the trunk out and head to our spot in the meadow._

_She turned and smiled at me, but removed my hand from her thigh and opened the door._

_She walked around to the back of the car and tapped on the trunk._

_I sighed a little as I hit the button, because as much as I wanted my girl, I was not looking forward to fucking outside in February! If cold water could shrivel the soldier, I couldn't even imagine what ice fucking cold weather would do to it._

_She surprised me again though, because after she had grabbed the blanket and closed the trunk, she came back and instead of coming to the front seat to tell me to follow her, she opened the back door and got in the back seat._

_I turned from the driver's seat and looked at her in confusion._

"_Are you going to join me back here, Valentine?" she asked in a sexy voice._

_Fuck yeah, I was._

_I still wasn't completely sure what she had in mind. I had tried to get her in the back seat of the Volvo a thousand times. Especially on the nights when Charlie didn't work over night and my parents were home. She always refused though. She said it "cheapened our love" to do it in a car._

_Still, I climbed out and got in the back. I left the car running so we had heat and figured she decided a little make out in the backseat for V-day was an exception to the rule. _

_I turned to her after closing the door and I'll be fucking damned….My girl had pulled that black dress off in the two seconds my eyes weren't on her! She sat before me in just a tiny g-string and a black bra with very tiny hearts on it._

"_Like my new Valentine's bra?" she asked me coyly as she ran her fingers from her collarbone to her belly button._

"_Um…yeah?" I asked because I was a fucking moron and still wasn't sure what was going to happen. _

"_You okay?" she asked as she giggled._

"_Oh yeah…I'm fine," I said as I reached out and circled her covered nipple with my finger, watching it spring to attention. "I'm just not sure if I should allow myself to get excited here or if I should be tying it to my leg"_

_She leaned forward so her chest was now touching mine. _

"_Edward?" she said as she batted her eyelashes at me._

"_Yes?" I gulped._

"_This is the part where you make love to me…"_

"_But I thought you said…um…the car…and…well, the car...um…"_

_She reached behind her and undid her bra, keeping her eyes on me. My eyes faltered as I watched the bra slide down and Bella's perfect titties came out to greet me._

"_Oh fuck…" was my only response._

_You'd think at that time I would've been a lot more casual about the whole sex thing. But every time we were together it was like the first time. I couldn't help staring at her and just thanking the fucking gods that I got to touch her and look at those amazing breasts, and…_

"_Edward?" she said, pulling me from my stupor._

_I moved forward and kissed her; reached out and took her tits in my hands. They were so soft and so warm. She moved up to her knees on the seat and I watched, while still massaging her. She slid her little panties down and then put her naked ass on the seat so she could remove them the rest of the way._

_Internally I tried to make a mental picture of this shit. I wanted to remember exactly where her cheeks touched the seat. I would never wash that spot again. I would put some fucking "caution" tape or something there so nobody would ever sit there again. That place was now forever reserved for that amazing ass._

_She moved back over to me and instructed me to remove my clothes. She wrapped the blanket around her as she waited._

_I can be a quick motherfucker when I wanted to be. I stripped off my shirt and pants so quick she barely had time to sit back. She watched me intently as I removed my boxers._

_I knew nobody would ever come out here, but I still looked around outside the almost completely fogged windows to make sure I didn't see any headlights or anything. _

_I inched my way over to her, watched as she dropped the blanket. She put it behind her head and leaned back._

_It was pretty cramped in the backseat but I still managed to slink my way down so my face was positioned directly at her entrance. I circled her clit with my finger and then of its own accord, my tongue moved out to taste her._

"_You taste so good, baby."_

"_Mmmm…" she responded as she placed her fingers in my hair. _

_Even though she'd already came once that night, my girl loved having her pussy licked. Within minutes her hips were moving up and down on the seat and she had my head in a fucking vice grip. _

_That was a really sexy position, even if it wasn't particularly comfortable. She was sort of lying down, sort of sitting up. It made her tits look really good as I looked up at her from my licking and sucking position. One leg was bent and against the seats and the other on the floor of the car. I reached up and pulled her nipple between my fingers._

_She liked the boob action and before I knew it her fingers in my hair were pushing my head into her like her life depended on it. _

"_Oh fuck!" shot out of her mouth and I smirked between licks. I loved the few times she allowed herself to really relax and swear. It was so fucking sexy._

_When her body slumped back, I sat up. I took my shirt from the floor and wiped my mouth, because again…apparently not all girls liked to have the fruits of your labor wiped all over their faces…before moving up her body. _

_I'm 6'1, so I tried to do the math in my head. I couldn't figure out how exactly I was going to make love to her on this seat comfortably but whatever…I would figure the shit out, that's for sure._

_I reached her mouth and gave her a kiss, figured I would just slide in there as best I could and go with it._

_Bella spoke up though before I had reached the promise land._

"_Sit up baby," she instructed me._

_Like I said, after the Emmett/Rosalie incident, Bella and I had tried some new things, but for the most part, we stuck with missionary, her on top or doggy style. All three were perfectly fucking fine with me. We'd never done it sitting up though so this was new…_

_I let her lead, figuring she was going to straddle my lap._

_She did…but not exactly as I had expected._

"_Not to be outdone by Jasper, I thought I'd give you your own little cowboy experience, yes?" she said as she started to straddle me, with her back towards me._

_Oh fuck! Hell yes, girl…_

_She was kind of hovering over me, facing the front seat. She reached between her legs and grabbed hold of my cock, placing it at her entrance. Ever so slowly, she slid down until I was completely surrounded by her._

"_Ohmygodbella," came out of my mouth as one word._

_She turned her head to look at me. "No? Doesn't it feel good like this?" she said with concern._

_I almost laughed. _

"_Baby…it feels so good," I growled as my eyes rolled in my head._

_She smiled. "Put your hands on my ass, Edward," she instructed and I fucking did._

_She started sliding up and down on my dick and it felt so amazing in that position. Not that it didn't always, but something about it allowed me to feel her in a completely different way._

_She had her hands on the headrest of the driver's seat and used it to pull up and push down on me. Her perfectly round ass jetted up and down in my view and I watched as my hands fanned out across it._

_Within a minute my hips were moving up and down on the seat to meet her thrusts. I was grunting and groaning and she was gasping and breathing heavy. _

_I reached forward and laced my hands around her waist, pulling her so she was flush with my body. I moved one hand up and began massaging her tit and the other headed south to circle her clit._

"_Oh my god, Edward!" she screamed and I smiled into her back._

"_Come on, cowgirl," I teased, "ride me"._

_She must have liked that, because she began riding me like a fucking expert. It took everything I had not to come right then. Her hips were circling my cock like a lollypop and my head fell back on the seat, enjoying the feeling and the view._

_I kept my hands working too, intent on bringing my girl over the edge with me._

"_Oh. My. God!" she shouted as she reached up and put her hands on the ceiling, pushing down on me so hard that I couldn't hold it anymore._

_Bella came hard and I came just as hard. My hands grasped onto her hips holding her to me as I felt the warmth from both of us shooting out like rockets._

_That was by far the best fucking night of my life._

_Of course we were both in a panic for a few weeks after because in our reckless abandon, I had not put on a condom which Bella always insisted on even though she was on the pill. Everything was fine though. No bun was in the oven._

Laying on my bed now, I can only hope that my girl is not experiencing these things with the new fucker. I don't think Bella would do that, she's a good girl but…I never thought I'd have another girls mouth on my dick either so I can't say for sure.

When I had told her I would be there for her, support her if she wanted this other guy…I did mean it. I would do everything I could to keep her as my friend, if nothing else. But I would be lying if I said the thought of her with someone else didn't kill me.

Whether she slept with someone else… or not, at some point she would let someone at least kiss her goodnight. That could very well be happening right now.

I look back up to the ceiling and remain there until I finally fall asleep for the night.

It's Sunday and there is no avoiding the douche bags I call friends.

How could you ignore someone who was jumping on a bed an inch from your head?

"Get the fuck up asshole!" Emmett chanted as he continues jumping up and down. "We are going outside…in the fucking sun!"

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

"Jesus Christ, Emmett! FINE!"

I climb out of bed, extremely stiff from not moving at all the previous day.

They "allowed" me to take a shower before dragging my ass outside. Apparently we are going to walk over to the park and throw the football for a while.

As we round the corner, I'm reminded why I had spent the previous day in bed.

There is an unfamiliar car in Bella's driveway. Standing next to said car is La Push motherfucker, looking up to the house.

Bella comes bopping down the steps and the breath is literally knocked out of me. It reminds me of the countless times she had come to meet me for school or a date or whatever. I am reminded how that little bop from the door was always the best part of my day.

I move quickly so I was standing behind a fucking tree.

"Get the fuck over here!" I say to Em and Jazz through gritted teeth.

"What's going on?" Jasper asks as they make there way next to me.

I point to the house. I fell like a fucking idiot hiding behind a tree, but I am in a complete panicked state. I can not allow her to see me like this.

I peek back around as Bella makes her way to the car.

I should have remained behind the tree.

I watch as, in almost slow motion, Bella reaches Jake. Her arms go up and around his neck. His arms circle her waist and he lifts her off the ground as they hug.

I am stunned and sick to my stomach.

She's goes out with him once and is embracing him like she's known him forever. It is like they are a couple or something.

"Ed…are you okay, man?" Emmett says and I remember that I am not alone. They are both staring at me with such concern.

It is then that I feel the wetness on my face and become aware of my breathing.

I am fucking sobbing…leaning back against the tree trying to catch a breath.

Not only has my girl left me, but now I am a fucking idiot bawling two feet from my friends.

I will myself to get my shit together, but I just can't.

"Edward…sit down" Jasper says with concern.

I feel them guiding me into a sitting position behind the tree. I don't look back to Bella's but I assume the car went the other way because I don't see it pass.

I go home and they understand. They don't ask me anymore questions. They just sit with me quietly.

Again, I hear phones every so often. I hear Jasper in the hall speaking with my father.

Eventually I fall asleep.

When I wake, it is to my alarm clock. I must have slept the whole night.

I get up and start getting ready for school. I want to stay home, but I also have to see her.

When I exit the house to go to my car, I see Jazz and Emmett standing there.

I look at them questioningly and Emmett responds.

"You need your friends, brother," he says without a hint of humor. I don't think I have ever seen Emmett so sullen.

We get to school and I don't pause as I normally do to talk with our other friends. I just go to the building and directly to my locker.

I move through my morning like a zombie. I can feel life happening around me, but other then what is absolutely necessary, I am unable to participate.

There are fucking posters everywhere reminding me of the prom I am not taking Bella to on Saturday.

She is at our table at lunch and I do my best to pretend I know nothing. Jasper and Emmett are the most amazing friends in the world. They come up with more meaningless shit to talk about as the time goes by. Anything to keep me from thinking…or freefalling.

As the week progresses, people become more excited for Saturday. The theme this year is Spotlight on Twilight. There are fucking clear Christmas lights everywhere. There are twinkly things stuck to every flat surface. There are fucking reminders…everywhere.

Bella smiles at me on Friday. My first reaction is to tell her not to fucking smile at me, but I remind myself of my promise to her and so I smile back.

Saturday comes and I am back in my bed, eyes to the ceiling.

I know all of my friends are getting ready for prom. I look towards my closet and see the stupid fucking tuxedo I was going to wear. I own it, it's not rented. I know Bella's dress is suppose to be blue. I'd never see it.

After being in this position for so many hours my body begins to protest. My limbs ache and begin to revolt, forcing me to get up.

I don't want to see anyone so instead of going downstairs, I head out to the balcony and scale down. I start to walk with no purpose, lighting a cigarette. I barely ever smoke because of sports, except for sometimes at parties, but I have a pack in my drawer that I am so thankful for tonight.

Eventually I find myself in the woods out back. I sigh when I think about these woods. It's the first place I met Emmett and Jasper. The first time I saw Bella. So many good times were spent in these woods. In mere months, I will be living somewhere else, no longer able to retreat here at will.

I feel a charge and it startles me.

I turn and see a figure sitting on a stump by the water. Its getting dark, but I would know her anywhere. It's my Bella.

Always in tune with me, she must realize I am there too, although her eyes do not leave the water.

I decide that the cowardly thing to do would be just to turn and walk out of the trees. So I steady myself and make my way over to her.

"Hi," she says without turning to face me.

"Hi"

I sit down on the stump a few feet from her and look to the water too.

After a few minutes, she speaks.

"Didn't go to the prom tonight then?" she asks, no venom in her voice.

"Naw…I couldn't find the right dress," I tease.

I look over and see her shoulders shaking. She is giggling.

"What about you" I ask, "No date tonight?"

She shakes her head a little and keeps looking forward.

"I was there this afternoon finishing everything up, but I'm…I didn't go to the dance."

We sit in silence for a long time.

"I still want to know," she finally breaks the silence.

I look at her again and this time she is looking at me.

I don't say anything, but I have a questioning look in my expression.

"I still want to know…why," she says as a statement more than a question.

I take a deep breath. I have wanted her to talk to me, really talk to me, for so long that I am actually relieved…even though the subject sucks.

"Tell me what you want to know Bella and I promise you I will tell you as much as you want to hear."

"I don't want the gory details anymore. I just want to know why. Why you would do that to me…why her? And as masochistic as it is…I want to know how far it went. I want to know if you slept with her."

"I'll tell you everything…but you have to promise me something first?"

She nods her head.

"You'll let me talk without interrupting me before I'm done. Deal?"

She nods again.

I take a deep breath and begin. I tell her about how angry I was with her for working late again…with Mike. I tell her about the party and that I didn't think I drank that much but I must have because I felt sick and dizzy and confused and the next day I was really hung over. I told her about going upstairs to lay in Rose's bed until she got there. I told her about Tanya coming into the room. I told her about holding onto the wall like a life preserver and knowing that everything was wrong. I told her about the smells being wrong. The feelings being wrong. I told her about Tanya kissing me and that I couldn't let her kiss my mouth. I told her that in my haze I felt her mouth on me. I told her about Tanya pulling me back to the bed. I told her that I said no and that I needed to get out of there.

I told her the truth.

When I finish, I look at her again. She is silent, staring at the water again.

I want to say more. To tell her over and over again how much I love her, but I realize that the best thing to do is allow her to process everything, so I just sit and watch her.

After what seems like an hour, she looks at me and gives a small smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, but it's not angry.

"Thank you." She says.

I am confused by this. "Thank you?"

She nods and looks back to the water.

"Thank you for being honest with me…finally. Thank you for not sleeping with her. As stupid as it sounds, thank you for not kissing her. I don't think I could handle it if you had kissed her," she sighs, "isn't that odd? The thing I care about the most is a kiss?"

I understand though. I'd feel the same way. Anything with someone else and Bella would kill me, but kissing her had always been like a window to her soul.

I want to ask her about Jake but I bite my tongue. I am enjoying this time with her.

"So are you excited for next week?" she asks.

I have to think for a minute before I understand.

"Oh, graduation? Yeah…I guess."

"You are finally done with high school. You'll be off to college in no time," she smiles softly, but I know her well enough to notice the pain. "It'll be like a whole new world."

"I'm nervous, ya know? I don't really know how else to explain it. I'm just…everything is going to change. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it."

She leans forward and puts her hand on my knee. I am shocked. I'm sure she can tell, but I don't move.

She looks directly in my eyes as she speaks. "Edward…of everyone I know, you are the one I worry the least about."

I am not sure if that is meant as a slam or in a good way, so I just continue to look at her hand on my leg.

"You are a good person. You're strong and kind…and you are smarter and more talented then all of us combined. You will do great things in your life…I'm sure of it."

My voice is barely a whisper when I respond. "But…I always imagined you with me."

She sighs and removes her hand from me. Then I sigh too at the lost contact.

"Edward, don't let that stupid mistake define you okay? Whatever happens with you and me…You have a good soul. You show them that when you get to Seattle and you'll be fine."

I know I shouldn't ask, but I can't help myself.

"Bella? Do you think…I mean, you and me…do you think you will ever forgive me?"

She smiles again and it makes my heart hurt even more.

"I already have forgiven you, Edward."

"So do I have any chance of…" I'm not even sure how to finish the sentence. I'm not sure if I want the answer.

"One thing I've learned over the past few months is that anything can happen. I don't know where you and I will be a month from now, a year from now…" she trails off.

I don't respond. I just let that sit in the air.

We sit, saying nothing for another long time.

"Bella?"

She looks back over at me.

"Since we didn't make it to prom…um….can I have one dance?"

I know it sounds stupid, but I need to hold her.

She looks surprised and I think she'll say no, but then she kind of smiles.

There's no music, but I stand and hold my hand out to her. She accepts.

Tentatively, I put my hands on her hips and slowly pull her to me. She puts her hands on my arms and rests her head on my chest. She's stiff. There is contact, but not necessarily an embrace. Still, we start to sway just slightly.

It's probably cheesy and any motherfucker looking in on this right now would laugh but I am happier then I have been in months.

After a few minutes, she lifts her head.

"I need to go home now," she says softly with a sigh.

I just nod and release her.

"Thank you for the dance."

She bows her head slightly, turns and makes her way back through the trees towards her house.

I just watch her go, still feeling the electricity from her touch on my shoulders…my chest.

I am peaceful.

* * *

A/N: Whew! They were busy this chapter, huh?

My rec this week is Fandom For Preemies. Please go and donate to this amazing cause! You can give as little as $5 and you will receive a bunch of o/s or story outtakes. (whispers – yours truly has a o/s in there!)

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	9. Pointy Corners

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! She keeps me in proper tense & whips me if I'm naughty. The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me (and makes me cry weekly with her notes on my chapters!). These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

* * *

Chapter 9 – Pointy Corners

EPOV

I wake for school on Monday a little revived.

I think about seeing Bella in the woods on Saturday night and I smile as I recall our dance. It was the best fucking prom night ever.

The last week of school, especially as a senior, is a cake walk. Going to class is really just going through the motions. We only show up because it's like a week long mixer, required to actually receive your diploma. It's also the last opportunity to hang with all of your friends before everyone starts to spread out on their individual adventures.

Everyone always says, "We'll stay in touch" and "We'll be best friends for ever!" I've been hearing it for weeks now. But I've had a lot of talks with my parents over the past few months, more so because I haven't had Bella to talk to, and the resounding theme is always, "Edward, realistically you will keep in touch with a handful of people that really mean something to you. The rest you will inevitably lose track of or will only see at high school reunions. Cherish this time and try to remember it. Put it in your journals."

I have kept a lot of journals over the years. A lot. But I haven't written anything since Bella and I broke up. Yesterday I not only wrote, but I wrote in my special journal, the one Bella had given me for Christmas that is reserved for only things pertaining to her. I wrote about our time in the woods. That night is something I do not want to forget as time goes by. Though I don't think it needs to be documented on paper to remain in my thoughts, it still feels good to write about her again.

I make my way down to the kitchen and my parents are sitting at the island drinking coffee.

"Morning Edward!" my dad says.

"Good morning." I chuckle, because it's odd to see him here in the morning, on a weekday, looking so fucking chipper. "Playing hooky today?"

"No…I have a late start today, smartass, no patients until noon." He laughs. "It's nice to see you too though."

I've always had a good relationship with my parents. They let me do what I want to do as long as I maintain my grades, remain in some type of sports activity and do the shit they ask me to around the house. We never discuss it, but I know they are aware of some of the times Bella has stayed over or I snuck out to go to her house. I recall very few actual arguments with them and usually it was over stupid stuff like taking out the garbage. I'm really going to miss them when I go to school. I know it could be worse…I could be heading off to Alaska or some shit, but it's going to be different to come home now and I know that.

I sit in the kitchen a little longer than I normally would on a school day, talking with them about nothing. It's really nice. My mom has already started the crying bullshit and probably will until I leave in August.

"I'm fine," she says as my father and I both try to console her, while attempting to keep the smirks off our faces. "Stop laughing at me…you have no idea what it's like for a mother to lose her only child!"

"Shit mom, I'm not dying…I'm just going to school…spending more of your money and all that!" I try to lighten the mood.

"I know…and watch your mouth," she sobs.

"Look…I'm still going to be coming back like every other weekend. If it makes you feel any better, I'll save all my dirty laundry for you and when I'm here I'll leave Coco Puff infested dishes all over the living room. It'll be like I never left!"

I think it is funny, but she just sobs more.

Finally my dad just rolls his eyes as he hugs her and motions with his head for me to go ahead and take my leave.

I get to school and everyone has already gone in. I make my way to the building and through the doors.

"Cullen!" Someone hollers at me and I jump. It's a little early for people to scream your fucking name like that. I look around and see some girl looking at me. I think she's a junior but I have no fucking clue what her name is or why she's hollering at me.

I give her a quizzical look as she makes her way over.

"Hi…" she says out of breath…and then jets something at me. "It is my job to make sure all the seniors that purchased them get their yearbooks today," she gasps, "so here…"

I take the yearbook from her hand with a chuckle. It's a good thing they didn't put her in charge of something more critical. The poor girl would probably end up having an aneurysm.

I flip through the pages casually as I make my way to my locker. Usually I don't bother with the yearbook shit, but I promised my mom that this year I would.

"Get everyone to write in it, Edward…you'll want it one day."

I pause when I get to the section filled with pictures of the juniors, paging through until I get to the "S's". There is my beautiful girl. I keep flipping until I get to the section filled with different snap shots of people taken randomly throughout last year and the first part of this year. I see quite a few of my friends, some of me and Bella.

There is a picture of her sitting between my legs at a school assembly. One of us at the lunch table, me leaning back in my chair and her and Alice mashed together grinning. There are a few in the parking lot of all of us and a couple out in the grass by the side of the school.

I look through pictures of me with the football team, the baseball team. Bella in group photos of her various committees.

I pause when I see one photograph.

It is a picture of us outside. I am sitting on top of the picnic table and Bella is sitting between my legs. She is twisted to the side leaning up. I am bending forward with my hands on her shoulders, kissing her. It's a pretty innocent picture, we're not tonguing or anything, but it's beautiful. The sun is behind me so we are kind of shadowed as we lean in. In the places where the sun catches, it's almost like we are sparkling. The caption beneath it says, "Young Love."

I put the book in my locker and make my way to class.

As I suspected, nothing much happens in class. There are no tests to take, no lessons left to learn, so we are all instructed to find a partner and complete stupid fucking subject related crossword puzzles and shit.

By the time I get to lunch, I am about ready to fall asleep. I walk into the lunchroom and see all of my friends already settled at the table. It's a good thing Rose was able to flip her lunch hour after the New Year, I think as I make my way to the table. I am not sure how much longer she and Emmett could have stood it. As it is right now, she is straddling him and nuzzling into his neck.

I'm not looking forward to that part of my living situation next year. Although Rose will be living in the dorms, because Jazz, Em and I are all sharing an apartment courtesy of our parents, I imagine I am going to be kept up a lot of nights.

I'm jealous though, in a way. I wish it was me with my girl, nuzzling together right now. After last weekends embarrassing meltdown, I will be damned if I get all emotional in front of my friends again.

Jasper and Emmett were really cool about it, but it doesn't change the fact that I bawled like a girl behind a fucking tree….or maybe it just felt that way because I was caught up in the moment. In truth, when I got back to my house there were a couple wet dots on my shirt, but not enough that it would have been considered waterworks.

I know why I had the meltdown. It wasn't even really so much about the guy but the fact that I have known this girl almost my whole life and have loved her in one way or another for most of those years. To have her suddenly eject herself from my life takes some getting use to.

"Hey," I say as I pull out a chair and sit down.

"Edward," Jasper says, removing Alice's finger from his mouth. "We need to make a plan for Saturday, man."

"What's left to plan?"

Graduation is on Saturday. Everyone has been instructed by their parents that they will spend time with them, whether they want to or not. It's one of the few weekends that Emmett and Rosalie's parents are actually in town, so that's an event in and unto itself.

We were all pretty clear that we didn't want big graduation parties so, instead, each of our families is either having relatives over for a few hours or are meeting relatives at a restaurant for dinner. None of the 'rents would budge on this since we are only allowed so many invitations to the actual graduation ceremony.

Following the 'family thing' we are all going back out to La Push to camp for the night and fucking partying it up.

"Well…someone needs to get the booze. I've got the weed already, for our group anyway," Jasper responds, "and you fuckers owe me twenty bucks apiece."

"I'll get it," Emmett interjects. "My mom is dealing with the empty nest syndrome or some shit, which is fucking hilarious considering…anyway, I'll be able to talk my parents into buying whatever we want as long as we are at the lake and aren't driving anywhere."

"Yeah, I can probably raid the liquor at my house too," Rosalie adds, "because, let's be real, this whole family…slash Rose is graduating thing my parents have going on is really just a good excuse for them to party with their friends. There will be plenty of booze on hand."

I feel bad for Rose and Emmett most of the time for the little interaction they have with their families. I have always taken for granted how much my parents have been around and actually give a shit about what I have to say. Jasper's parents are much better than Emmett's, but not nearly as involved as mine. I am a lucky motherfucker, really.

"We just need to spread the word to all the other people coming out there that they need to bring shit too. It's not our responsibility to light up the senior class…and half the junior class, for that matter," Rosalie adds.

"People from La Push are coming too," Alice tosses in, "and I'm sure they'll bring stuff too, like last time."

I feel my breathing stop but I try to maintain a neutral face. I remind myself that I'm not going to start my bullshit this week.

Everyone kind of glances at me, minus Bella who is looking at her water bottle. I try to play it off by just shrugging and saying, "That's cool."

The rest of the week plays out pretty much the same. Thursday we have to help teachers in our classes take down posters and shit, wipe down shelves. I wonder to myself if there isn't a cleaning crew better suited for this, but it actually turns out to be kind of fun. Kids are wondering the halls from classroom to classroom, laughing and squirting each other with Windex.

On Thursday, I suck in a big breath and set out to do what I have been trying to do all fucking week.

I find Bella sitting on the floor with Alice making "Good Luck Seniors" signs that will sprinkle the halls tomorrow and Saturday for graduation. There are other kids in various positions around her as well, some lying on their stomachs with markers to paper, some just eating snacks and watching.

"Hey Bella," I say as I approach. She looks up and smiles. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

She looks a little apprehensive, but gets up and follows me. I walk around the corner where there are only a couple people.

"So…I've wanted to ask you this all week but I'm a douche, as you know, so I haven't. I figure I better get it done today because tomorrow will be crazy."

She looks at me understandably confused so I continue.

"Um…fuck…Why is this so hard?" I gulp. I take one more breath trying to calm myself. "Will you sign this fucking thing?" I finally ask as I thrust my yearbook towards her. "I mean, if you don't want to, I understand…but I've had everyone else sign it and um…well, I guess you are the most important one, so…yeah." I clear my throat and look at her.

She watches me for a minute before responding, "I'll be right back. Wait here."

She takes off around the corner, so I stand there like an idiot, just looking around and kicking the floor with my toe every once in a while.

"Here," she says when she returns, pushing her yearbook at me now. "I was going to ask you to sign this tomorrow, but this works out better. Can I keep it overnight since everyone else has signed? Then I can think before I write. Is that okay?"

She seems nervous, but I smile. "Yeah…We'll just give them back tomorrow then?"

She nods and heads back around to her friends. "See you later!"

I spend most of the night looking at Bella's yearbook. How can someone put how much someone else has meant to them in just a few lines? It's torture really.

I read some of the other entries trying to find inspiration, but they all say things like "love ya babe!" and "Have a bitchin' summer". It doesn't quite convey the message I am looking for.

Instead of writing in the book, I decide to make a few practice runs in a notebook until I come up with something that works. It doesn't even begin to say what I want it to, but I open the book to the back and find a mostly blank page.

_**Bella,**_

_**It's hard for me to imagine going to school next year and not having you with me. Almost every memory I have since I was**_

_**6 years old includes you. You started out as this annoying little girl who somehow became the most important thing in my world.**_

_**I am forever grateful for that. I will keep those memories with me as I head into this next chapter of my life…I will keep you with me.**_

_**I know I've not always done the right things. I've made mistakes.**_

_**But I hope that when you think of me, you will remember that I will always be your best friend, whether we**_

_**are separated by a few trees in the back yard or a million miles.**_

_**I will always be here if you need me and**_

_**I will ALWAYS love you.**_

_**Yours,**_

_**Edward**_

_**Oh! P.S. – Have a bitchin' summer!**_

I wake the next morning and feel heavier. I should feel lighter, right? But this shit is sad, whether you are a sappy girl or a douche bag guy, like I apparently am. I'm gonna miss this.

I head downstairs and for the second time this week, my father is at the table too.

"Just admit it dad…you got fired, didn't you? You felt up some busty twenty-something nurse and they sent you packing," I joke.

"That's exactly what happened," he responds and then whispers, "don't tell your mother," who is standing in front of the stove shaking her head.

"So, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company this morning then?" I ask as I grab a Sunny D from the fridge.

"I am here because today is my only son's last day of high school. Your mother is cooking us up some amazing grub…and I figured since I was there to witness your first day of school, I should be present today as well." His eyes look kind of funny and I'm a little caught off guard.

He stands from the table, walks over to me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"I was going to save the theatrics for August, but not to be outdone by your mother's constant sobbing...I'll just put this out there now."

He looks me directly in the eye.

"I am proud of you, son. I'm proud of the boy you have been growing up and I am proud of the man you have become over this past year. I feel so lucky everyday that I am your father..." He takes a breath. "I know you've been sad lately and that something has happened with you and Bella." He sighs. "I could tell you that she is your first love…puppy love…and that you will get over it and will probably meet the girl you are destined to marry in college. I suspect I would be wrong with most of that statement though…so I'll tell you this…just always follow your heart, make choices you can be proud of and you'll be fine."

I'm tearing up now and it's kind of embarrassing so I just nod. My father pulls me into a tight hug as my mother continues her sobbing at the counter. Then he releases me and sits back down at the table.

And this is where I am most like my father.

"Now give me my frickin' pancakes, woman, so I have the energy to hit on some nurses today!" he says with a chuckle and a wink.

We say the shit we need to say, but for some reason, we always follow it up with a joke if things get too heavy.

Because of my mom's enormous breakfast, I again pull into the lot after everyone has made their way inside. That thought kind of makes me sad again. I was hoping for one last pow-wow in the parking lot.

We're out of here at noon today so the majority of the morning is nothing but cleaning out lockers and girls crying up and down the halls.

We have one last assembly at 11:15...sort of a farewell to the graduating class from the teachers. They do a little skit. It's stupid…but they try and we all appreciate the effort.

Our class president stands up and speaks about what the past four years have meant to him. He reminds us exactly what is expected of us tomorrow at graduation. Don't throw the caps because you could take someone's eye out and bullshit like that. Um…yeah. Whatever.

The Principal offers us his well wishes, even Alice's dad speaks. I didn't have him as a teacher, but I got to know him a little this year when Jazz, Bella and I would go to her house.

I see Bella sitting in a cluster of girls, along with Alice and Rose included. They are giggling and smacking each other on the arms. I smile…because there is nothing better in the world then seeing Bella smile…but I'm sad too because there is so much going on in both of our lives right now and I'm starting to feel like I don't know her anymore. She has months' worth of stories that I haven't heard.

When the assembly ends, we are done. Aside from the actual ceremony tomorrow, I am officially a high school graduate.

Jasper, Emmett and I make our way to the parking lot to wait for the girls. We are going to have lunch at the diner before heading home. Everyone is staying in tonight visiting with family that has flown or driven in, and to rest up for tomorrow.

I throw my cap and gown into the back seat and then lean on the back of Emmett's jeep.

"Hey Edward," Tanya says as she saunters by, giving me those fuck me eyes again.

I haven't had to deal with her in a while.

"What's up?" I nod.

She stops right in front of me and looks at me from under her eyelashes. "My parents are driving to Seattle to pick up my grandparents tonight. I have the house to myself if you wanna…stop over?"

I chuckle. Will this shit never get old for her?

"Yeah well…as tempting as that is Tanya, I think I'd better say no."

"Mmmkay" she responds, "It's nice to hear you finally admit that you're tempted though." She giggles as she turns and walks back to her friends.

Whatever.

I didn't mean it like that, but at this point she can think whatever she wants. There is no use getting all worked up over it.

The girls arrive at the car and I stand. Jasper, Alice, Rose and Emmett all greet each other with a quick kiss.

"Hey." I nod to Bella and she smiles.

"Hey back."

Everyone goes to get in vehicles and I see Bella give Alice and Rose a hug.

"You're not going?" I ask her.

She shakes her head.

"No…not tonight. But Rose snagged me one of her tickets, so I'll get to go to graduation tomorrow."

I am disappointed but I guess I have to get used to this.

"Oh!" she says and startles me. "Hold on one second…I have your yearbook".

As Bella unlocks her truck, I reach into my car and grab her book.

We hand them to each other at the same time.

"So…I'll see you tomorrow then?" she says will a small smile. I nod again and she turns and leaves.

I don't want to look anxious so I just toss the yearbook in the backseat and wave to everyone as we head out for the diner. I want to stop the car as soon as everyone is out of sight and see what she wrote, but I decide that I'll just wait and look at it when I'm really alone at home in my room.

She probably just wrote something simple and sweet, like my Bella would. Wishing me the best and all that. I wonder if I should be embarrassed that I didn't go that route with hers.

We eat pretty quickly and everyone says goodbye to me as I head out of the restaurant first. I make up some excuse about having to help my mother with shit for tomorrow.

I make my way back to my house and take the stairs two at a time to get to my room.

I set the book on my bed and just kind of stand there staring at it.

I'm not sure if I expect it to do a trick or start dancing around the bed, but oddly enough, I am afraid to open it and standing here staring at it seems like the best plan.

I do this for about ten minutes. Finally realizing how incredibly stupid that is and reminding myself that it's just a yearbook, not a declaration of someone's feelings, I pick it up and sit down at my computer desk.

I flip through the pages littered with signatures and notes from other friends until I get to the page she has chosen.

I smile. It's the one with the picture of us on the picnic table.

Sparkling.

I take a deep breath and read.

_**Edward – I love this picture so I had to write something here! Now flip to the back because I need more room (giggles) Bella**_

I laugh, because that is so Bella. Perfect.

I flip the pages until I am to the back. I sigh because she has literally filled the whole page and I am not sure if I can bring myself to read whatever she has put here.

I set the book down and walk around for a minute before sitting down on the bed this time, picking the book back up with shaky hands.

_**Edward -**_

_**Well…I must admit I stared at this page for a long time trying to think of the right things to say.**_

_**What will I want you to read when you look back at this fifty years from now? How do I want you to remember me?**_

_**I finally decided that the truth is what I want to live in this book. So here goes…**_

_**Once upon a time a five year old girl fell in love with a cocky six year old boy.**_

_**He told her to go away more times than she could count…but she was persistent.**_

_**She kept telling him she would marry him one day and finally…finally that boy looked back at her with different eyes…**_

_**and their story began.**_

_**You have made the years since a fairytale for me Edward and I want you to never forget that.**_

_**From the moment I met you so many years ago, you were my playmate when I wanted to be silly,**_

_**my friend when I needed it, my confidant when I wanted to talk, my shoulder to cry on when I was sad.**_

_**Later, you became more than my best friend…my soul mate, my love. I cherish every single second**_

_**I have known you. Good or bad, I would not give up one moment of knowing you.**_

_**I can't imagine not having you around next year but like I told you before,**_

_**I know you will do great things in your life. I am excited to see the man you will become…I hope I will see that.**_

_**Save a place for me at your table – I'll see you next year!**_

_**Always,**_

_**Bella**_

_**P.S. – Because I know you so well….Have a bitchin' summer!**_

I am laughing and crying at the same time. Sad and happy, all at once.

Yes, I think to myself, she is perfect.

"And so in closing, I would like to say to my fellow classmates…You go out into the world today with a clean slate. An opportunity to do with your life whatever you choose. Today you truly are beginning a journey. Dream big, make mistakes, fall in love….but whatever you do, do it with your whole heart and soul. Remember what you have learned here in this school…in this community. Remember what your families have taught you along the way…and as you leave here today, take with you the memories and experiences that have made you who you are…who you will become. Whether we see each other again in one year, five years or fifty years…every student on this field today has had some impact on my life and I thank you…..Congratulations graduating class!"

With that, the sky is littered with pointy caps. Rules be damned!

The entire audience breaks out into applause and everyone is laughing and smiling and clapping in the stands and all around me.

My cap goes into the air too and I can feel Jazz and Emmett pulling on my arms and messing my hair. I feel Rosalie kiss my cheek. My eyes scan the crowd seeking her out.

Whether we are together or not, Bella has shared every significant memory in my life and, if I can, I will share this one with her too.

I finally find her near my parents. She is looking right at me, smiling a huge smile and sort of bouncing. She has her hands covering her heart.

I sigh.

Now this day is perfect.

* * *

A/N:

So...those of you who used to watch "Dawson's Creek" back in the day (yeah...I'm a dork!) will get the "Have a bitchin' summer" comment.

Again, thank you so much to anyone who is reading, reviewing and rec'ing this little story. I've seen some of the tweets out there about it and it just warms my heart more than I could ever properly express. My first jump into FF has been so wonderful because of you! I do have a few other stories that I hope to get out eventually.

If you haven't had a chance to donate to Fandom for Preemies yet, please do! It's such a great cause and you get a compilation of o/s or outtakes from over a hundred FF authors! (Yours truly included).

My rec for this week is www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6282854/1/ . The author is a twitter friend of mine and such an amazing person. Please give her story a read!

Rec's get you a little tease of chapter 10…

Come play with me on twitter – justagirl1237 (warning though – I can be a bit pervy!)


	10. About Last Night

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! She keeps me in proper tense & whips me if I'm naughty. The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me (and makes me cry weekly with her notes on my chapters!). These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 10 – About Last Night

EPOV

"Edward! We are so, so proud of you!" my grandmother says as she pinches my cheeks.

Fucking-A. I'm a high school graduate now for Christ's sake…will this shit never end?

Every time I see my grandma my cheeks immediately go into lockdown. Thank god she only comes to town like once a year.

I look around our backyard at the sea of relatives and my parent's colleagues and friends. I feel like I know maybe twenty of the people here today. It's cool though. My parents are almost as excited about me graduating as I am, so I wont begrudge them their celebration.

I, on the other hand, am ready to hit the real party.

After four hours of hand shaking, cheek pinching and drunken hugs from people I don't know, my parents finally pull me aside to let me off the hook. It's almost seven o'clock and my cell has been buzzing for at least an hour now with a stream of texts from Jasper and Emmett asking me where the fuck I am. Apparently their parents released them from captivity after only a couple hours.

"Alright sweetie, you can go," my mother says as she straightens my tie. "Just…call us when you get to the beach so we know you made it safely, okay?"

I nod.

"Edward, we have something for you," my dad says as he helps extract me from my mother's grip. I follow him into the house and to the den, my mother trailing behind. She's had a few glasses of wine now and I fear the tears are going to start again soon.

He hands me a small ring box. I look at it quizzically for a moment wondering why he would give me a ring?

"We figured you were deserving of an upgrade," he says as he motions for me to open the box.

When I do, I am surprised to find a key. I hold it up and look at my parents, still not quite understanding.

"Edward…" my mother interjects, "I think there might be something in the garage for you."

Now I get it.

My ass is out of the den and in the garage at the speed of light.

There in the third stall is a brand fucking new Volvo!

I am like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"No. Fucking. Way!" I practically scream as I make my way over to the car. I hit the button on the key ring and it beeps. I open the door, climb in and sit in the car, running my hands up and down the steering wheel, looking around the car with a shit eating grin on my face.

My parents have managed to make it out to the garage now.

"Do you like it?" my mom asks and I bob my head up and down.

"Well, you've been driving my old Volvo for almost two years now and we figured you might like something new to make those trips back and forth from Seattle," my dad adds. "It's a XC90, but if you want something different, we can go to the dealer next week. I told them it was a surprise, so the guy said if it wasn't what you wanted…"

"No…God no, dad. This is amazing! Thank you guys so much! It's perfect!"

The car is a fucking kick ass jet black color. The interior is an off black leather. It sits three seats deep. There's a built in GPS that rises out of the dash, TV screens behind the driver & front passenger seats. Everything smells so fucking new.

After spending about twenty minutes going over everything in the car with my dad, I run upstairs to change my clothes and am off…in my new fucking ride!

I call Em to let him know about the car and to tell him I am on my way.

About half way there though, I get a little bummed. Don't get me wrong, I love the car but I am starting to think about all the memories in the old Volvo. Memories with Bella and her perfect fucking ass on the backseat…

I made a mental note to talk to my dad about the car tomorrow. No way in fuck I am giving this car back, but I think I might ask him if we could hold onto the other Volvo too. Whether or not Bella and I got back together, I think I will ask him if we can give it to Bella. Granted…we're not exactly buddy, buddy but if nothing else we can just leave it in the garage for now. Then next year when Bella graduates maybe she'll want it.

I know her father won't be able to afford a new car and maybe she will accept it so she can travel back and forth from school too. There is nothing wrong with the Volvo so her dad would probably go for it. Who knows…I just know I'm not ready to have those memories traded off yet. If she doesn't want it, we'll deal with it then I guess.

I arrive at La Push and it is fucking packed solid. There are cars everywhere and three times as many kids. I make my way to our usual spot and find my friends.

"Nice of you to show up, asshat," Emmett teases, "Now that we have the tents all set up and everything!"

"Sorry dude…I'm here now. What can I do?"

"Have a fucking beer with me?" he laughs. "How's the new car?"

"Oh fuck man…wait until you drive it. It's fucking awesome!"

We grab a couple beers and sit down at the fire. Apparently Jasper and Alice are already breaking in a tent so I steer clear of that shit. Rose is with some other girls from our class dancing like little warriors by the fire. I look around as casually as I can for Bella, but don't see her.

Finally I have to ask. "Where's Bella?"

Emmett gets kind of a funny look on his face. "Um…she's here somewhere."

"What?" I ask, because I could read him so well.

"Don't worry about Bella, Edward…We just fucking graduated man. Let's just get shit faced tonight, okay?"

"Emmett…where is she?"

He sighs heavily. "She's here…she's with…La Pusher motherfucker."

I keep my face as steady as stone. "Where's the fucking weed?"

An hour later I am high as a fucking kite and drunk off my ass. I understand why I am a mess this time…I have downed about eight beers and several shots in a really short amount of time. I have also probably smoked an entire joint by myself.

Fucked up would be an understatement.

I am feeling no pain…

That is until I see her.

Bella walks up to the fire with La Push motherfucker in tow. They aren't touching thank god, but they are laughing. Like really laughing…So much so that her voice sounds kind of hoarse.

I sit in my comfortable little seat in front of the fire and watch.

"Edward," Jasper warns, now out of the sex den in which I will be forced to sleep later. "Just relax."

Apparently it is obvious that I am staring, but I don't much care. This is my fucking graduation. Why the fuck would she flaunt that shit in front of me tonight?

"I'm fine," I respond but don't take my eyes off of Bella.

Bella sits down on a log by the fire and La Push motherfucker asks her if she'd like another drink.

"Um…yeah. Just a beer is fine."

She notices me staring at her and her eyes dart around uncomfortably before settling on Alice.

"Hey baby!" Alice says to her in a slur. "You want to dance with me?"

Bella giggles. "Maybe in a little while lush…let's just sit for a minute."

Alice sits down next to Bella with a huff, almost falling off the log onto her ass. She is running a close second to me tonight.

"My baby is leaving, Bella." She pouts.

"I know, sweetie…but at least you still have three months together right? And before you know it, we'll be right behind them."

"But it won't be the same…he'll have nine months to find someone new."

"I'm not going to find someone new, Alice," Jasper says with a slight irritation in his tone. I am guessing this conversation isn't the first time this shit is being brought up.

"You say that now Jazzy…but look at my Bella bear. If her man can…"

"Okaaaay….On that note," Jasper interrupts, "come on, Al…we're going to take a walk. Sober you up a little."

She gives Bella a hug and wobbles off clinging to Jasper's arm.

To say it is uncomfortable now would be another understatement.

Eventually Bella breaks the silence.

"So you did it, Edward. How does it feel?"

"It feels…lonely."

I shouldn't have said that but I am drunk and the word vomit is not under my control at the moment.

"I know," she responds and my eyes fly up to meet hers. I want to find out what she meant by that. Was she missing me too?

Just then La Push motherfucker shows up again.

"Here you go, Bells," he says as he hands her the cup.

And word vomit continues...

"Oh, isn't that sweet? You have fucking pet names for each other already…"

"Edward," Bella and Emmett both say at the same time.

"No…I mean, really. That's really fucking sweet. How fucking wonderful for you."

"Dude…relax," La Push motherfucker says to me and I am at my breaking point again.

"Don't tell me to fucking relax, alright '_dude_'. Isn't there another part of the beach you could be on right now? You have to do this shit right in front of me? Better yet…there must be a cliff somewhere you can dive off of…"

"Edward!" Bella yells at me.

"Whatever." I wave my hands as I attempt to stand. Emmett grabs onto me to prevent me from face planting in the sand. "I'm going for a fucking walk."

"Want me to come with?" Emmett continues to steady me.

"No."

I pull myself together as best I can and make my way down the beach.

Fuck graduation. Fuck parties. Fuck all of this shit.

I find a nice little hill on the beach and sit my ass down. Right here is good. This is nice.

Oh! Look it there…a fucking crab or some shit popping in and out of a hole. "Hi little crab…"

What time is it anyway?

I sit and look out at the water for a while when I feel her.

"Go away, Bella...Seriously. I don't need your fucking pity."

"Edward," she says with a little chuckle, "Always starting our conversations by telling me to go away."

I snort.

"Yeah? I haven't told you to go away in years…but it's a fucking fantastic time to pick that habit back up again."

She sighs and sits down next to me.

"Oh, stop it," she says with a huff and wipes some sand off her legs.

"What do you want, Bella?"

"I want you to stop acting like an ass."

"Well, I want you to stop throwing your new fucking boyfriend in my face…so much for wanting, eh?"

"Edward…" she says with another sigh, "Jacob is not my boyfriend."

I laugh. "Yeah…okay, Bella."

"What? I'm serious."

"And so I don't know…that fact that you two were practically making out in your driveway last weekend or that he's every fucking where you are lately…what does that make him then?"

"It makes him my friend, Edward. And what do you mean making out in my driveway?"

"I saw you, Bella. We were going to the park to play football and I saw you…running out of your house, jumping into his arms."

"I'm not sure what you think you saw…but I was probably just hugging my friend. The same way I hug Emmett or Jasper or…I don't know, just anyone. You read something into nothing."

I sit and process that for a second.

"So what do you want? Why did you come over here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You're pretty drunk tonight, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm a high school fucking graduate…didn't you hear?"

"I think I might have heard something about that," she teases.

"What's really going on Edward?" she practically whispers.

I don't answer.

"Talk to me…please?"

"I can't talk to you anymore, Bella! Don't you understand that? As much as we try to say we want to be friends or whatever the fuck, it's different now…weird…and I just miss…"

I stop myself.

She waits for a moment and then asks. "You miss what?"

I take a labored breath. "Fuck Bella…you know what I miss. Why are we doing this shit? Just go back to the party, okay?"

"Edward, talk to me."

I huff. "Fine…what do I miss? Hmmm….I miss my fucking girlfriend. I miss my fucking best friend. I miss fucking everything. I miss it so much that most days I can't breathe. I miss _you_ so much that it hurts to even see you most of the time. I miss the guy I used to be before I turned into this emo fucking loser. Is that what you want to hear?"

I look right at her, feeling fucking sober all of the sudden.

She plays with the lace on her shoe.

"I miss that too," she whispers.

"What?"

"I said…I miss that too."

"Then why aren't we together, Bella? Why are we making ourselves feel this way?"

"Because it's not that simple and you know that. I don't know how to trust you anymore."

"Then…then fucking let me earn it back. I mean…you've cut me almost completely out of your life and then keep saying that you want to be friends. I think you've said twenty words to me over the past two months."

"I can't stop seeing her on you, Edward…As much as I want you in my life. That is what I see."

"Then go, Bella…please? Because I obviously can't be just your friend. It hurts too much. I know I brought it on myself and believe me…I think about it every minute of every fucking day." I lie back in the sand and put my arm over my eyes. "Just please, baby…go."

It's quiet for a moment and I wonder if she's left. I lift my arm slightly and look over. She's still there….looking at me.

In the softest voice possible she responds, "Okay…I'll….go."

She moves slightly to stand but I reach out and grab her arm. I don't say anything, I just hold onto her wrist and she watches me.

I feel nothing but heat at the point where we are now connects and my whole being begs for more.

So suddenly that I wonder if I am dreaming or if I've finally fucking snapped, she leans over and presses her lips to mine.

I only know it isn't a dream because I can feel the electricity. I can feel the heat in her lips.

I don't move at all for about thirty seconds…and then I can't stop myself.

I pull her by her wrist down to me and her chest literally falls on mine. It's the closest I have been to her in so long. Even our little dance on prom night, our chests didn't really touch.

Our lips definitely didn't touch.

I take a chance and put my free hand on her face. Our lips are still connected, although completely still. I begin to stroke my fingers up and down her cheek. Then I decide if she's going to hit me or run, I might as well go for it.

I push my tongue out onto her lips. They don't move for a moment as I lightly caress them with my tongue, but then I hear her sigh and they part. Her tongue moves out to meet mine.

My heart is beating a thousand beats a minute now, like it has been awoken from the dead. Our tongues begin to mingle with each other in perfect precision. I release her wrist and snake my hand around her waist, pulling her closer. My other hand leaves her face and is now tangling in her hair.

I feel her hand un-fist on my chest and she lays it flat. The other hand that I previously held moves up and into my hair.

We are kissing now like our lives depend on it. I can feel it everywhere, seeping into every pore.

After a few minutes I push up and roll us over so Bella is in the sand and I am off to the side, but hovering over her. We continue our deep kisses and now her hands are rubbing my back through my shirt.

My head is swimming. I am trying so hard to wrap my head around the fact that she is actually here in my arms and kissing me back.

"Bella…" I pant as I pepper kisses down her neck. "I love you so much."

She doesn't respond, but she continues rubbing and her fingers find their way under the back of my shirt. I can feel them on my skin and it's like fire. I have missed this touch so much. Her lavender scent surrounds me.

I continue to kiss her neck and run one hand down her side until I reach the hem of her shirt. I snake my hand under and move it back up, reveling in the feel of her soft skin, her ribs, until I reach her bra. I ghost my hand over the fabric, unsure if I should apply pressure or venture underneath.

"It's okay," she says and arches her back slightly to meet my hand.

I have wanted this for so long that I don't even question. I don't want her to change her mind. I slide my fingers under the cup of her bra and feel her nipple pucker at the contact. I begin to massage and knead, pinching her nipple every so often. Our kissing is still frantic and our breathing filled with lust.

I can faintly hear the sounds of voices and I am brought back to reality slightly. We aren't that far from all of the others. Although we are concealed here for now, it's entirely possible that someone could wander over.

"Bella…there are people over there," I whisper. "Do you…do you want to go back to the tents, baby?" I ask, still unsure.

She continues kissing me. "Mmmhmmm."

You don't have to tell me twice.

I remove my hand from her shirt and stand, holding my hand out to her. All of the thoughts swirling around in my head are so conflicted. A part of me says to stop this, that we need to have some serious fucking conversations first, but another part of me wants to be with her so badly that I tell the opposing team to shut the fuck up.

We move around the perimeter of the trees, doing our best to avoid contact with anyone. I'm holding her hand as I lead. We make our way to the tent and slip inside.

I barely have it zipped and Bella is all over me.

I'm not complaining, but I'm having trouble processing everything. One minute I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never hold her again and now here we are all over each other. Finally I decide that whatever negative repercussions come in the morning, I will accept them. It can't be any worse then it has been for the past two months.

She lifts my shirt over my head and I fumble with hers while attempting to kiss her.

Finally we are down to her in her bra and panties and I am in my boxers. I grab one of the sleeping bags and unzip it completely so I can drape it over us. She lies down and pulls me with her. Our hands and mouths moving over each other in a frenzy.

I reach behind her and undo the bra clasp and she grabs the front, pulling it off completely. My boxers are next, followed by her underwear.

We are naked and I am positioned between her legs. Our kissing continues and my whole body shakes. It feels like the first time we were together, except more lust filled. We've been here before so the nerves over what comes next are not present. There is a whole new tension though, I can feel it coming from her as much as myself.

What does this mean? Will we regret this?

I can't imagine how I would, but I don't want to speak for her so I ask.

"Bella…baby, are you sure?"

She continues to kiss my chest as I hover, awaiting her answer. Through her kisses, she responds, "I want to be with you, Edward."

"Okay," is all I can manage to say as I allow myself to enter her body.

She locks her legs around my waist and digs her fingers into my back. My eyes roll because she feels so good. Her hips are lifting to meet mine as our bodies begin to slam into each other with such want.

While all the feelings are completely loving…the actions are definitely fucking. I'm afraid she will have bruises on her hips in the morning, because we are slamming together so urgently. I bend my head and pull her nipple into my mouth. She arches her back to me.

We go like this for a while. It feels so amazing.

I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Is this happening?

At some point I move off of her and into a sitting position. She straddles my lap and I am deep inside of her like I was so many months ago in my car. She wraps her arms around my neck and her head falls to my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her waist and hug her to me as closely as I can. I start lifting my hips and she starts moving up and down on top of me.

I'm not going to last much longer, so I pull away from her slightly and put my hand between her breasts. I push her back lightly… She understands… and she places her hands back on my thighs, letting her head fall back.

The view right now is amazing. Bella straddling me, bent backwards and her tits are bouncing slightly. I place one hand on her hip to hold her in place and then take my other hand and run my fingers down her stomach, past her belly button and to her clit. I take two fingers and circle it quickly, watching her hips move with each pass.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I whisper. "Come for me, baby girl."

It takes her only seconds and she is shooting into an upright position riding my cock as her orgasm hits.

"Oh God! Fuck me, Edward," she pants as she moves.

I remove my hand from her pussy and latch it to the other hip. I pull her up and down on me as forcefully as I dare. God, she feels so good.

I can feel her constricting and releasing me as her juices trickle down my thighs. My orgasm hits fast and I hold her to me, throbbing and cumming like I never have before.

When we both come down, Bella wraps her arms around my neck again and lays her head on my shoulder.

Eventually she lifts her head and looks in my eyes.

I am still inside of her.

We don't say anything, but I can tell by the look in her eyes that she doesn't regret what just happened.

I don't either.

It might not have been the most ideal situation, but it was necessary. We had been holding back our need for one another for far too long.

"Edward?" I hear from outside the tent. It's Jazz.

I keep Bella to my chest and grab the sleeping bag, pulling it around our bodies.

"Yeah man. Give me a minute, okay?"

"Fuck…" he says with genuine surprise. "Do you have a girl in there, dude?"

"What!" I hear Alice say. "What do you mean? He has someone in there with him?"

"Alice, stop," he warns her.

It's quiet for a second. I don't know how she wants me to respond.

"I'm in here, Alice," Bella says and rolls her eyes at me.

"Holy shit!" our very drunk friends giggle in unison.

"Um…" is Jaspers next brilliant statement.

"Just go to the other tent," I say, looking at Bella to make sure that's okay. She nods and puts her head back on my shoulder.

"Yeah…sure, man," Jasper says through an obvious laugh. "Uhhh…goodnight you guys."

I hear the zipper on the other tent. I hear low whispers and a few giggles out of Alice. Then silence…in both tents.

I lean back and she lifts her head. We still don't say anything, but our lips touch in a very brief kiss. It occurs to me again that I am in fact still inside of her. I give her a small hug and she lifts off me. She lays back on the floor of the tent and takes my hand to pull me down next to her. I comply and pull the sleeping bag over us.

I roll onto my back and Bella nuzzles into my side, with my arm underneath her neck and places her hand across my stomach.

We lay there in silence for a few more minutes, before I hear the faint sounds of her snoring.

Baby girl has fallen asleep.

I kiss the top of her head and allow my eyes to close. I drift off into the best sleep I have had in such a long time.

I wake the next morning and immediately feel her absence.

I sit up quickly and look around the tent to see if maybe she has rolled to the corner in her sleep or something.

She's not there.

Her clothes are gone and…I'm alone.

I dress quickly and exit the tent.

I realize fairly quickly that I must have slept late. Everyone else is sitting by the water or moving about the camp. Some more sluggish then others.

I see Rose and Alice over by the coolers, fishing through the ice.

"Hey," I say as I approach.

Both girls look at me with huge smiles.

"Well, well. Good morning, Edward. Sleep well?"

I smirk but say nothing more about that.

"Where's Bella?"

They both look at me, confused now.

"What do you mean, where's Bella? Isn't she with you?" Alice asks.

"She was…but when I woke up, she was gone."

They both look around the campsite, off towards the beach.

No Bella.

I walk with Rosalie up the hill to where Bella's truck was parked last night. It's not there now.

"I'll call her," Rose says, pulling out her phone.

I watch her dial and she places the phone to her ear. After a few seconds, she speaks.

"Bella? Where the hell are you?"

I see her move her head up and down a few times, responding to whatever Bella is saying on the other end of the phone. Eventually she looks at me and then she walks away, whispering into the receiver.

I watch her as she paces back and forth near some cars, lifting her free hand every once in a while animating their conversation.

Finally she removes the phone from her ear and presses a button.

I am panicking now. What the fuck happened? Was I reading her wrong? Did she wake up this morning and regret what happened?

"Edward," she says as she makes her way back over to me with sad eyes.

"What? What did she say?"

She takes a deep breath.

"Well….first she wanted me to tell you she doesn't regret what happened. She said to tell you that and…"

"Why isn't she here, Rose? Why isn't she telling me this shit herself?" I ask with tension in my voice.

"She's feeling…well, she's feeling a little confused this morning. Kind of panicking a little, I guess. It's understandable…come on, you have to admit that? Here's the insane part though…She said she's driving to Phoenix to visit her mom. Clear her head."

I am walking in circles now, my hands pulling at my hair. "And she couldn't say anything to me first?"

"Edward, relax. Remember what I said? She doesn't regret it…She loves you. Breathe, alright?"

I head back down to the campsite. My friends are looking at us anxiously and I see Rose shake her head.

I find my backpack and pull out my phone, sling the pack over my arm and start walking to my car.

I dial as quickly as I can.

Her phone goes directly to voicemail.

I keep redialing the entire way to her house.

When I get there her truck is gone.

I jump out and bang on the door.

Nothing.

I look back to the driveway and Charlie's cruiser is gone too.

I'm sick to my stomach but I sit down on her step and continue to redial.

I foolishly thought we were on our way back to each other…where we were supposed to be all along.

Between one of my frantic dials, my phone beeps.

I have a message.

I open the text immediately.

**Edward – Everything is ok. U r panicking – I know you, but don't. I'll be back soon. Bella**

Is she fucking serious?

I want to respond to her text but I am completely stunned. I don't even know how to process this.

I climb in my car and head home.

I am definitely not fucking peaceful today…

* * *

A/N: Okay…before you attack, I have a plan! Chapter 11 is still Edward, but Chapter 12 is BPOV and will explain what happened here. Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing and rec'ing and to my amazing beta and pre-reader!

Secondly, I was informed this week that I was nominated for the Sparkleteer Rare Gem Awards. To say it left me speechless is an understatement. I was just thrilled when people started reading my first little story, so the fact that someone actually took the time to nominate me for this was more than I ever hoped for. I am in three categories. If you feel like voting, please head over to

www . thesparkleteerawards . blogspot . com

Lastly, if you haven't had a chance to donate to Fandom for Preemies yet, please try to do so. It really is a great cause and you get the bonus of a lot of author o/s and outtakes!

Reviews get you a teaser of Chapter 11 and guess what? I think Tanya's baaaack!

See you next week! Or come play with me on twitter – justagirl1237


	11. Say What?

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! She keeps me in proper tense & whips me if I'm naughty. The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me (and makes me cry weekly with her notes on my chapters!). These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

* * *

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in  
Cos I got time while she got freedom  
Cos when a heart breaks, no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst  
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first  
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason  
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding  
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving  
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,  
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,  
I'm falling to pieces  
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)  
I'm falling to pieces  
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)  
"Breakeven" – The Script

EPOV

I watch as a sea of friends bop up and down. Rose and Alice singing at the top of their lungs. I know this song all to well. I've listened to it a lot over the past month. I've listened to it to the point that the words float around in my head even when I'm _not_ listening to it.

"I'm falling to pieces," Alice attempts to sing, but it comes out more like a strangled scream.

Yeah…Falling to pieces. That sums it up pretty well.

"Ed…" Jasper calls from the kitchen. "You playin'?"

I look to my friend who is seated at the table, poker chips lining the edge of the table in front of him.

"Naw man…I'm gonna sit this one out, alright?" I say as I tip my beer in his direction and then turn back to the karaoke girls.

"You having fun?" a small voice says from beside me.

I turn and see that girl that used to occupy Bella's locker. I feel bad instantly, because I know she's told me her name…and we shared space next to each other between classes for months so I probably should remember it.

"Yeah…You?" I say and try to give a small smirk.

"I'm having a really good time. I don't usually get to go to these things."

I nod.

I don't come to these things very often these days myself. Although I suspect her reasons are much different then mine.

I avoid this shit because just like everything else it reminds me of the girl that is not here.

"So…do you want to dance?" she asks me, pointing to the middle of the room. I can tell it's taking everything in her to say it.

I look at her again.

She's cute. She's wearing a little too much make-up tonight. In school she was a little more natural.

"Thanks. I don't really dance though."

"Oh…um…yeah, okay. I understand."

She looks rejected…and I feel bad again.

I sigh.

"Alright," I say and set my beer on the end table. "Let's dance."

Her face lights up.

We go to the middle of the room where the furniture has been moved for a makeshift dance floor. I get a sick feeling in my stomach as the song shifts to something slower, but I tell myself that I'm not going to back out. I told her I would dance.

I turn towards her and she looks up at me, sheepishly.

I reach out and put my hand on her hip, pulling her towards me.

"Relax," I whisper as I put an arm over her shoulder, secure the other to her hip and begin to move slowly.

I laugh a little inside because she is very rigid. I wonder why she asked me to dance if she was afraid to actually do the dancing. It's cute though. She put herself out there and I can't fault her for that.

After a minute she loosens up a little and I feel her fingers tighten against my back.

This doesn't feel bad necessarily, it just feels weird.

I've never really danced with anyone but Bella. I'm sure I've danced with Rose and Alice at one point or another, but they are like family so it's not the same as this.

It was always so easy with Bella…we fit together and moved together so effortlessly.

This girl relaxes a little more…I feel her head lean against my chest and her face turns just slightly, she presses her lips to my chest.

I instantly feel my body go into lockdown.

I don't mean to do it, it's involuntary, but still, I pull away a little and she lifts her head, looking up at me questioning my actions…nervous.

"Did I…is everything okay?" she asks.

I try to relax again.

This is stupid, I tell myself. I should not feel guilty dancing with a girl. I should not feel guilty doing anything with a girl!

"Yeah, I'm good. Think I…I just need some air," I say with a smile.

"Oh," she beams, "Can I come outside with you?"

I would rather go alone, but I nod and make my way to the back door, heading out onto the patio. I see Jazz and Em look at me as we pass, I don't say anything, I just keep walking.

We stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes before I feel her put her arms around my waist and snuggle into my side.

I am admittedly stunned by her boldness. She seems so timid one second and then she does shit like this? You can just never tell what a girl is going to be like when you are alone, I guess.

I don't move away…it kind of feels nice to have someone touch me.

I guess she takes my failure to retreat as confirmation of my interest because she proceeds. I feel her hand sliding up my chest, her little fingers begin to play with the hair just under the collar of my shirt.

This too feels nice.

After a few more moments of me staring out into the yard and her fingers dancing along my collarbone, her head tilts up and I can feel her looking at me.

I hesitate, but finally look down and give her a very small smirk.

This is where one would normally swoop down for the kiss… but as sweet as she seems and as good as she looks right now, I won't be kissing her.

I give her side a small squeeze in my lame ass attempt to not hurt her feelings and then I move away, putting a little space between us.

We stand like this for a few minutes and the silence is a little awkward now.

"I heard what happened…" she finally speaks in a small voice, "with…Bella."

I don't say anything. I just continue to stare out at nothing in the yard.

"It's okay…if you don't want to talk about."

"No…It's cool," I respond, because it's not her fault my life is fucked up. "I haven't seen her in a while."

"Yeah…I heard she's going out with that Jake guy."

Fucking gut punch.

"Um…she's out of town right now. She's visiting her mom."

"Oh, I know. I just…I heard they are dating. Someone I know talks to his sister and I guess they talk a lot."

Kick to the nuts.

I don't respond to that. I have no idea if it's true but if I encourage this conversation I fear I will hear more than I can handle.

"So…you going to try and get her back then or are you…available?" she says meekly.

"I don't know," I respond.

"To which question?" she asks.

"Both."

I stand with her for a few more minutes but neither of us says much. I finally make a graceful exit. She offers me her phone number and I just don't have the heart to tell her I'm not going to call so I let her put it in my phone.

I go around the side of the house and reach my car fairly quickly, I don't want to see any of my friends right now. They've had to worry about me far too much lately.

When I get home I go to my room as quietly as possible. I don't want to deal with my parents either. They look at me with such pity, though they aren't sure why I am a complete dick lately.

I offer up no information, which is unusual because I have always been really close to them.

I grab a cigarette out of my jacket and then slip back out onto my patio.

I dial her number and wait.

"Hi…this is Bella. Leave me a message and I'll talk to you soon!"

Yeah…that's a bullshit statement, I laugh. I've left the fucking messages, but I certainly haven't "talked to her soon."

"Hey, Bella," I say and am embarrassed by the frog in my throat.

I love to say her name even though it hurts to say it.

"It's me again," I continue. "Would you please just call me? I've left you so many messages and um…well, I…I need to know what's going on and…I miss you. Bye."

I wake to my phone buzzing.

"EDWARD! Get out of bed motherfucker…we are going out on the boat!" Emmett shouts in my ear.

"Fuck man, take it down a notch…My hearing _was_ just fine a second ago."

"Whatever buddy…we are about a block from your house. Your ass had better be in the driveway when I get there or I'm sending in Rose."

I roll my eyes as I glance at the clock. I do not want fucking Rose coming in to get me.

It's ten thirty.

"Alright," I sigh, "I'll be down in a minute."

I hop up and rummage through my drawer for a pair of swim trunks. I pull them on and then grab a t-shirt.

I slide out my balcony door and make my way down to the yard. I don't want to deal with my parents this morning. I am not in the mood.

I head around to the front of the house and light a cigarette. I've been smoking a lot more lately and it pisses my mom off.

Whatever.

It occurs to me as I wait for Em's car that Bella has been gone for almost two months. I haven't heard word fucking one from her.

She's spoken with Rosalie and Alice. I know this because they tell me she is okay. I attempt to get more information out of them without sounding like a complete fucking douche, but they are tight lipped. I try to call her, but of course she never answers. I left messages and sent texts in the beginning... I don't do that anymore. I just wait until the voicemail picks up and then hang up.

Whatever.

I tried to talk to her dad one day when I saw him at the diner; he just said she wanted to spend some time with her mom. He didn't appear to know there was anything wrong but he looked like he misses her too.

For the first couple of weeks I would run that night through my head like a movie on constant replay. I thought we were finally on our way back to each other. Having Bella in my arms again was amazing.

I knew as the whole thing was playing out that night that there would be repercussions. It did not, however, occur to me that those repercussions would include Bella leaving fucking town.

Now I try not to think about it anymore.

I have many moments of weakness, don't get me wrong…moments where she creeps into my mind uninvited and I can't stop them.

Whatever.

"Hey man!" Emmett says through the window as they pull into the drive.

I nod and climb in the jeep.

We head to some boat dock out by La Push with Em's dad's boat trailing behind. We are putting the boat in the water when I see La Push motherfucker.

At first I just want to run up the hill and kick his ass. I'm not sure why exactly. That girl said he talks to her, but Bella claimed they are just friends and as delusional as it may be, I want to keep believing that….

Does any of it really fucking matter at this point anyway?

The masochistic bastard that I am decides to say fuck it and talk to him, see what he knows about Bella.

"I'll be right back"

I walk up the hill and La Push motherfucker is messing with a jet ski.

"La Pu…Jake?" I say and it burns my throat.

He looks up from his crouched position, obviously shocked to see me.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks, guarded, as he stands.

"Yeah, um…Listen, I know this is weird but have you by chance talked to Bella?" I know the answer to this question, but I want to know what he'll say.

He looks at me for a minute before responding.

"Yeah…I talk to her. Why?"

Nice.

Whatever.

"Be straight with me man…You fuck her?" I say without thinking. It sounds crude to even me, as the words leave my mouth, but it's already out there and I can't take it back.

"Fuck off!" He replies and bends back down to the Jet Ski.

"I'm serious…why is she calling you but not me?"

He stands up again, this time obviously irritated.

"You want to know why she calls me, asshole? Because I am her friend. Plain and simple. No, I am not fucking her as you so eloquently put it, but I care about Bella a lot. I'm a patient guy, but I won't lie to you…if Bella ever wants more from me, I won't hesitate." He sighs. "For some reason she's still hung up on her cheating ex though so I just have to continue being patient...for now."

He rattles this off like a planned fucking speech, I think to myself. He must have anticipated this moment would happen at some point.

It bothers me that Bella talks to Jake. Not only that she talks to him, but that she is apparently sharing information with him about our relationship.

"Stay away from Bella." I say through gritted teeth.

He scoffs. "You had a really great girl dude and you fucked it up royally. You'd have to be an idiot to think that someone else wasn't going to come along and treat her like she deserves to be treated."

"I'm warning you…Stay away from her." I say again in a stern tone.

He laughs louder this time and my fists clench.

"Don't threaten me man. I'm not stupid…I won't kiss her until she asks me to, but…all I need is to continue things the way we have been…nightly phone calls, her confiding in me. Eventually she is going to realize how she feels about me and I will make her happy…unlike you."

I take a step towards him, my head spinning.

I want to punch La Push motherfucker more now than I have ever wanted to punch anyone.

"You gonna hit me, asshole?" he laughs, gauging my movements. "Fine…go for it. It'll only add more fuel to my conversation with Bella later tonight."

I reign in my anger as best I can, smirk at him and turn away. I am not going to give him anything to use against me…yet.

Em's dad has a nice boat. Well, it's more a yacht then I boat. It's a Sea Ray 500 Sundancer and is big enough for quite a few people to move around comfortably. I don't know shit about boats, but there's a living room down below, a small kitchen and bathroom...even a bedroom. There's quite a bit of sunning space and a decent swim platform.

Emmett, Jazz, Rose, Alice and I are lounging with our beers, anchored about five miles from shore. I'm wishing more and more with every second that I had ignored my phone this morning. It's not that I don't have great friends but my bitter ass can only take so much.

Currently Rosalie and Alice are donning what I suppose you would call bikinis. I am being very kind in using that word, because truthfully, they are wearing dental floss. I laugh internally at what Rose has on. I guess it only makes sense that since I have heard her having sex on so many occasions, I should finally get to see the goods. There is so little to her bottoms that I have seen her pussy about five times already today. When she lies on her stomach, she might as well have nothing on the bottom because that dental floss hides itself so far up her ass its like there is nothing there but a thin little T at the top.

I'm not interested in Rose. I've known her most of my life and she's more like a sister to me then anything, but I'm a guy and I can't help looking.

Alice's attire isn't much better. Although her bottoms are actually made of fabric, they are like a mesh material that I can pretty much see through anyway. Let's just say, I will never have to wonder if Alice is natural or shaved. Girl is sporting a very thin Brazilian. Enough said.

My friends sit very close to their women and every once in a while a hand will slide across skin. I hate this shit…I want my girl sitting next to me and it pisses me off that I have no idea if I even have a girl.

Obviously you don't have a girl, ass face…she hasn't spoken to you in almost two months!

I wish nothing had happened between Bella that night on the beach. Now all I can picture is making love to her…I can see her clearly gliding over me, small noises escaping her…and it hurts.

I glance over to Rose, who is lying on her stomach, head to the side talking to Alice. Emmett's hand snakes up her thigh and I see a very quick pass of his middle finger between her slightly spread legs. It ghosts her pussy… I need to get away from this shit.

"Here," I say to Jazz as I pass him the joint. "I'm gonna go downstairs and lay on the bed for a minute. I think the sun is getting to me."

I grab my beer and go down the steps. The bedroom is small but the bed is comfortable. I lie on my back, take one more swig of my beer before setting it on the nightstand and cover my eyes with my forearm.

I remain like this for quite a while.

At some point, I hear activity up top. Another boat? Then I hear more talking and laughing, people moving about. I can hear Ben's voice then Kate.

Some of our other friends must have pulled up next to us.

I remain where I am. I am not in the mood for more people.

I remove my arm from my eyes long enough to reach behind me and turn on the radio before settling back into my comfort.

My thoughts are with Bella again. Where is she? Is she shopping with her mother today? Is she lying out in the sun too? Why isn't she calling me?

We had sex for Christ sakes! The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. I've been so bitter since she left. I just can't understand why she would fuck me and then just leave without a word. Why play with me like that?

Yeah, I realize coming from a guy that sounds pretty hypocritical but it doesn't change the fact that she knew how I felt. It wasn't just a fuck to me.

My attitude has affected everything over the past two months. Today is one of the rare occasions I have left my room since that party. My parents have tried to talk to me but my mood makes it almost impossible.

I'm just confused. Confused by her actions, confused by what she said to Rose, confused by her text.

"Whatcha doin' in here sexy?" I hear and lift my arm from my eyes.

There in the doorway to the bedroom stands Tanya. I internally laugh again. If I thought the bathing suits Rose and Alice wore were suggestive, I stand corrected. They were nothing compared to what Tanya is wearing.

Her bikini is yellow against her very tan skin. She looks good. She's also wearing practically a thong herself, but it's so small that I can confidently say she is completely shaved. The small top barely covers her nipples. She could just as well be standing here naked.

"Go away Tanya," I say and cover my eyes again.

I hear a click of the door and assume she is gone.

Yeah…no such luck.

I feel movement at the foot of the bed and remove my arm from my eyes again. She is on all fours moving up towards me.

"Edward…there is nothing to stop us from finishing what we started now," she purrs. "You're not with her anymore and…you must be feeling…needy."

She is straddling me now and I am reminded of the night in Rosalie's room. The first thought that goes through my mind is "what the fuck is happening here?" The only difference is I don't feel sick and clouded and confused this time.

She's right in one sense. I am not with Bella. Bella won't even talk to me. Hasn't in two months. Hell…if I'm being honest, she's barely spoken to me in quite a few months.

I'm no saint. I've beat off in the shower, my bed, on the chair in front of my computer on more occasions than I can count since April. Other than that one night, I haven't had any actual pussy since Bella and I broke up.

I've had offers. Not just Tanya and locker girl. I could have taken them up on it and been balls deep a long time ago. I don't "owe" it to anyone to behave at this point.

Instead I just pop onto one of my favorite porn sites. That is safe pussy, it won't come back to haunt me later.

I always go for the amateur shit. I like the noises, the caresses that only happen when "real" couples fuck. The professional videos do nothing for me. Fake screaming and moaning can't get me hard…yeah, amateur.

Again, I am well aware what a pussy this makes me but seriously…fucking is fucking and I could look at any shit out there to get that. That's not what I am trying to find at this point.

I watch a lot lately. Surprisingly, there aren't that many where you get to watch the girls face when she comes. I suppose it's because more men watch porn, I don't know. Usually it's the money shots that get the air time. I keep looking for them though…the shots of the girls coming…because I am trying to find a face that reminds me of Bella's when she comes. I've seen a lot of pussy licking, but it always cuts to sex before she comes.

Is it weird that I want to see a "come face" so badly? Probably.

Whatever.

"Tanya, get off me," I say as I place my hands on her hips nudging her up. Her skin is warm from the sun.

She doesn't move though. Instead she rubs her pussy against my swim trunks.

"Edward," she moans, "you are a man…with needs." Her hands fan out on my bare chest. "I have needs too," she says as she grinds against me again. "I want to feel you inside me."

Nobody can say the bitch isn't direct, that's for sure.

She moves her hands up so they are on the bed next to my head and her tits are literally brushing against my face.

"Fuck me, Edward…we both know you want to."

Quickly I tighten my grip on her hips and flip her over. Now I am over her, positioned right between her legs.

I lean down.

"You want me to fuck you, Tanya?" I say in a low voice. "You want me to stick my cock in that wet little pussy and pound so hard that all of our friends up there will hear you screaming my name?"

Her eyes are huge now, she's shocked…but she is smirking.

"You know I do, baby," she says as she rolls her eyes back in her head.

I haven't moved on her, other then to grab the thigh, but I feel myself getting more pissed off as the seconds pass. Her eyes are wildly scanning me. Her arms stretched above her head, holding onto the bottom of the headboard.

"Right now, Edward…Fuck me right now."

I hop up off the bed and look at her, spread out on the bed, almost naked and I feel…

Nothing.

I feel nothing but pissed.

I could fuck the shit out of her right now. I could see that come face I've been seeking first hand. I could feel something warm and soft…something other than my fucking hand.

I could.

"You know what, Tanya?" I say with a hint of that anger in my voice, my eyes squinted. "I've given you the benefit of the doubt this whole time. I keep telling myself that you weren't purposely trying to fuck up my life. I mean…I'm not stupid, I've always known you have a thing for me, I even tell myself that even though you have this annoying little crush, you are a nice girl. You wouldn't seriously want to fuck up my relationship with Bella." I sigh and begin to pace in what little room is available beside the bed. "I'm such a fucking idiot though...Of course you would."

I make my way over to the door and turn back to Tanya who is still on the bed watching me.

"I'm going to be really clear this time, so there's no more mistaking anything, okay? You and I wouldn't have had sex that night. You and I are not going to have sex today. You and I will not being having sex in the future. AND…seriously Tanya…this is the last time you throw yourself in my face, got it?"

I feel so fucking drained, but I continue on anyway. This shit needs to be said and then fucking done with.

"No more little comments…no more innuendos…no more! Do you understand me? I've done a piss poor job of discouraging this shit…which in your eyes, in Bella's eyes, is as bad as encouraging it I suppose...And, fuck…I don't know…maybe in a way I was encouraging it…?" I shake my head, coming to terms with my part in her obsession. "But if I that's what I've done…allowed you to stroke my ego these past few years, I apologize for that, Tanya…really…because I have never had any interest in being with anyone but Bella."

"You fucking dick!" She says as she climbs off the bed and stands right in front of me. "You would have fucked me that night…you would have! Why can't you see how much you want me? Jesus Christ Edward!" she practically screams at me, "I didn't need to give you that sh…I, um…I…you would have fucked me anyway! You just need to let yourself take what you want!"

What was that?

"What were you going to say?" I say, not breaking eye contact. "Did not need to give me what?"

Her eyes get big again and then start darting around on the wall behind me.

"Nothing," she says with an eye roll, "I just meant…you didn't need to have liquor and weed in you that night. I didn't have to give you alcohol, that's all I am saying…Remember, I handed you your drink? The point is…you wanted me!"

"That's not what you said Tanya! Did you put something in my drink?"

"Of course not!" she says, but her eyes continue to scan the walls. She snickers and shakes her head a little appearing to collect herself, and then looks at me again.

"Tanya?"

"I don't have to give anything to a guy to make him want me, Edward. Don't try to turn this on me, alright? You were there, you wanted it. You want it now…" she reaches out and places her hand on my chest again. "You want me now!" She whispers seductively.

I'm confused. I don't know what to make of this.

"Don't fuck with me Tanya! If you gave me something that night, you need to fucking tell me! Do you have any idea what my life has been like for the past few months?"

I place my hands near her shoulders and push her back, away from me.

I am not an abusive guy and I do not condone hitting women…ever. I don't push her violently. I would never physically hurt her, but I am trying to make a point and her fucking touching me has got to stop.

"What the fuck did you do, bitch?" My voice less exasperated and more anger infested now.

She huffs and rolls her eyes again. She reminds me of a spoiled child with an attitude.

"Don't be stupid Edward. There was nothing involved that night but two horny teenagers. One of them willing to admit their feelings…the other with an obvious raging hard on, who was too pussy whipped to go for it. End of story. Stop trying to ease your guilt by putting the blame on me. If you didn't want your dick to be throbbing in my mouth, it wouldn't have been…But it was baby…pulsing and wanting me. If it wouldn't have been for your stupid fucking guilt, you would have been fucking me then like you _should be_ right now."

She lifts her chin defiantly.

"Now…I'm done with this conversation. When you decide to stop acting like a child and admit you want me, you find me. Until then…"

She tries to walk past me, heading out the door.

I step in front of her once last time.

"I'm serious Tanya," I say, looking her directly in the eyes. "You fucking come near me… or Bella again and I swear to God I will not be so nice. We clear?"

It's obvious she is not as sure of herself as her exterior suggests. She tries to smirk at me, but her lip is quivering. She slides past me and out the door without another word.

I sit back down on the bed.

Again I replay the events of that night in my mind. I can't remember drinking that much, but logic tells me I must have.

How many times, how many ways, can I play this out in my head? I remember being fine, waiting for Bella, and then all of the sudden felt cloudy and sick.

Is it possible she slipped something in my drink?

I laugh.

That doesn't make sense, I tell myself. This isn't some Lifetime movie. People don't do that shit in real life, do they?

No…that couldn't have happened.

I push the thoughts from my head. They are irrational. A desperate attempt, as she said, to ease my guilt.

After another ten minutes of sitting, I hear the other boat leave.

I am trying to convince myself that I just need to put all this shit behind me. Enough emo bullshit...enough pining over a girl that hasn't cared enough to talk to me for two fucking months.

I stand from the bed…looking at the mess I have become in the mirror.

I'm ready to move on….

I think.

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A/N: As always – my first note is to thank the readers, reviewers and rec'ers of The Best Part of Me…Was You. I struggled so much with this chapter, which is why my update was not on Sunday like it normally is and why teasers didn't go out. I hope it conveys an absence of Bella properly, which is what I was aiming for. For those that are hoping for a B/E HEA or who want to kick either E or B's ass…I hope you will stick with me and see where it goes. If it were all solved in two chapters there wouldn't be much of a story LOL.

Secondly I am so thrilled to have been nominated for awards at both twilightfb - awards (dot) blogspot (dot) com and thesparkleteerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com. My appreciation goes out to whoever nominated me and to those of you that have voted. What an amazing experience this has been for me and my little story.

Come play with me on twitter at justagirl1237 and click that little button to review & receive teasers to next chapter!


	12. Well That Explains It

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me. These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL. **

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BPOV

As I drive, I think back on all that has happened since this past spring…

I had gone out with Jacob.

We ended up going to a movie after all. I knew he had feelings for me. It was clear from the first time we had talked on the beach that he was interested in more than a friendship.

I wanted to feel that for him too.

Jake was a nice enough guy. He was very handsome, well built and very attentive to me. I wanted revenge on Edward for what he had done. I wanted this to make me feel better…but the feelings just weren't there.

I tried to force it to happen, which in retrospect was a stupid idea. I let Jake hold my hand. I let him put his arm around me as we walked. I tried to think warm and fuzzy thoughts and make believe that I felt for him what I had once felt, and probably still felt, for Edward…but it just wasn't happening for me.

It was for him.

He tried to kiss me and it was just as uncomfortable as I deserved. I was watching him work on a motorcycle when I went over to his house one night after school. I was lost in thought when he turned to ask me to hand him a wrench. He mistook my glassy eyes for wanting and moved his stool closer to mine.

We looked in each others eyes for what seemed like twenty minutes, but was probably mere seconds. He scooted the chair so he was positioned with his knees on either side of mine, put his hands on my thighs and leaned forward.

"I've wanted to do this since I met you, Bella," he said in a whisper as he put his lips to mine.

I tried to kiss him back, honestly I did. Our tongues touched for a millisecond.

"Jake…" I said as I leaned away from him slowly shaking my head, eyes to the floor.

He sighed. "I know, Bella…I know you've been through a lot. But…I'm not him. I would never hurt you like that, okay?"

And he was right on two counts. He would never hurt me, I could tell that already. But the thing that registered above all else in my brain was simply…he was not "him".

I would never feel for Jacob what I felt for Edward, no matter how hard I tried to force it.

Jake and I had talked about what happened with Edward. It was odd really…I found myself telling him things I hadn't even discussed with Rose and Alice.

"Jake…I like having you in my life. In the short time I have known you, you've made me smile again. You have no idea how grateful I am for that." I said with a sigh. "As much as I wish there could be something more here…I just can't."

He said he understood it was too soon, that he liked getting to know me and he would be my friend. He said that if I ever decided that I could see more with him, all I needed to do was tell him.

The night we met everyone at La Push for the graduation celebration, it was Jake's idea to go. I didn't want to ruin the night for Edward but Jake had friends that graduated too and he wanted to go hang out with everyone.

I didn't want to be the stick in the mud that prevented him from enjoying his time with friends, so we went.

Edward looked so sad when I saw him…and also very drunk. Eventually he made his frustration known. He commented on Jake and me in front of our friends.

I knew it was going to be that way, which is why I didn't want to go.

For all my grown up talk about wanting to be friends, I was teetering a thin line. I couldn't be around him without wanting to be with him.

When he walked off down the beach it broke my heart.

I went after him with the intention of only talking to him, to try to make things better. I wanted to let him know that Jacob and I were only friends…as far as I was concerned anyway. But after a few minutes of prying on my part, he told me how much he missed me…and when his fingers wrapped around my wrist, the electricity was too much to take.

I instigated it. I admit that. I wanted to kiss him and so I did. I wasn't thinking about what it would mean later, only that I wanted his lips on mine…now.

Our kissing became heated and my head was clouding with thoughts of more.

As we made our way back to the tent, ducking behind bushes and giggling, I was almost euphoric. I was holding Edward's hand and I realized I had missed it so much.

It felt sort of strange, really. There was this newness, like the first time we held hands, but it was also peppered with the familiarity of years of loving him.

I knew that we needed to talk. I hadn't forgotten everything that had happened over the past couple of months, try as I might, but tonight it would have to wait.

I watched him zip the tent door and my emotions got the better of me. I literally attacked him.

It wasn't the lovemaking that I was used to with Edward. It was clothes shedding quickly and frantic movements, but still amazing. It was primal and needy. I loved having his hands on me, all over me. They always made me feel so safe and loved. Even as we pounded into each other, there was still a very sweet, loving tone.

When Jasper and Alice came to the door I was shocked, but I wasn't necessarily embarrassed. I wanted every person on that beach to know I had made love to Edward.

We curled up into each other after I informed Alice that I was in fact the girl in the tent. We didn't bother with clothes, although it was a bit chilly, the heat of him spooning behind me kept me warm.

I woke up at some point and really needed to go to the bathroom. I had every intention of taking care of my basic human needs and returning to that tent to wake him up for round two.

We would talk…tomorrow, I told myself.

One thing was suddenly very clear to me. Clearer than it had been in months.

I wanted him back. What happened with him and Tanya was not going to separate us another day. He fucked up and we would have a lot of work to do before we were like we used to be, if that was even possible. But I wanted to try. If we couldn't get the old "us" back I was actually okay with that.

A lot had changed since that night in Rose's bedroom and maybe what we would have this time around would be better. We had been forced to grow up a little, crawl kicking and screaming out of our little shielded bubble. We weren't a perfect couple anymore who could just live in bliss. We would need to work for it this time; rebuilding and earning back lost trust.

It was worth whatever we needed to do.

I made my way into the trees as far as I dared go without breaking my neck and found a little spot. I looked around to make sure nobody was out there and did what I needed to do.

As I was making my way back down to the tent I ran into Tanya for the first time all night.

She stood right in the middle of the path watching me, with her hand on her hip.

"Well, well…the Virgin Mary is not so virginal after all, is she?"

"Fuck off Tanya!" I said as I tried to pass her.

She grabbed hold of my arm and held me in place.

"You got in a good punch once bitch, but it will not happen again."

I yanked my arm away from her.

"What is it you want, Tanya? God…why can't you just leave us alone?"

"Have I not been clear since freshman year, Bella? I want Edward and….after watching his silhouette fucking you in the moonlight earlier, I want him even more."

"You were watching us?" I said in absolute shock.

"I wasn't watching you bitch….but yeah, I saw him," she said with a smirk. "All of him…. and it was exactly as big as I remembered it."

"You are one sick and twisted girl, Tanya…really." I went to pass her again and she shoved me so hard my ass hit the ground with a thump.

"You are going to listen to me bitch, understand?" she said as she hovered over me.

I was sober tonight and admittedly, not the fighter I had been when a little liquid courage was involved. I just sat there looking at her.

"You've had your shot with Edward, and let's face it…you are not good enough for him…simple fact. So here's what's going to happen…you are going to give me MY shot with him now. You are going to stay out of the fucking way. Tell him you're not interested after all…whatever the fuck you need to do. I honestly don't care."

"Are you fucking delusional? And why would I do this?" I asked with a chuckle. Stupid fucking cunt.

She laughed back though.

"You are going to do it because of this," she said as she held her phone up and pushed buttons.

She held the phone down to me, showing me the picture I had only seen once and had hoped to never see again.

I pushed the phone away and looked down.

"There's nothing else you can do to hurt me with that, Tanya," I said as I stood, wiping the dirt off my jeans. "I have forgiven Edward for that. I think we're done here."

Again I attempted to move around her, with zero success.

"No…we are definitely not done here," she responded as she pushed me back a step.

I didn't fall that time.

"This picture might not hurt you anymore, but it can definitely hurt Edward. If you care about him at all, you might want to rethink your next move."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that our little Edward is heading to college in a couple months. Wouldn't it be incredibly unfortunate if this picture somehow ended up in every teacher's email box? Wouldn't it be just so, so sad if a printed version of this little lovers embrace ended up posted on bulletin boards and walls throughout the campus? Wouldn't it be awful if it ended up say…in his mother's mailbox or posted in the cafeteria at his father's clinic? Hmmm…the options are endless, aren't they?" she said as she tapped her temple. "Not the best image for an aspiring teacher of children, is it?"

"You wouldn't dare!" I shouted at her.

"Oh, I would…and I will. Unless you do as I say. I'm tired of sitting back and watching…I refuse to do that anymore. You don't want Edward to be embarrassed in front of his entire school do you? You want to prevent the hurt this would cause his parents, right? Its simple bitch….you leave us the fuck alone for a change. Go visit your mom or something for the summer. I don't give a fuck what you do…get bitten by a venomous snake and die for all I care. Just go the fuck away! I don't want you around or talking to him. And…If you say one word about this conversation to him, I will spread this picture around as fast as I can, to everyone I can think of. Edward will be humiliated before he ever even makes it to his first day of school. And…it will be all your fault."

I was in shock.

"Oh! And would you be surprised to know that the same phone that took this picture is also equipped with a handy little video option? Hmmm…the YouTube potential alone would be worth it, no?"

My eyes snapped to hers.

"I knew you were behind this! I knew you weren't just an innocent little victim like you tried to play off."

"Of course I was Bella. God! How can you be so naïve?"

I wanted more than anything to just push past her and get to my Edward but I could tell by the look in her eyes that this was not an idle threat. She would do it.

I suppose there are worse things then having a picture of you getting head spreading around college…most guys would enjoy the bragging rights…but not for someone like Edward. He was very close to his parents and he really would be devastated if his mother saw that picture. He would be devastated if his professors saw it. We would both be devastated if there was actually a video of that shit out there somewhere. Once something hits the internet, there is no way of getting it back.

A video? My stomach fought back the urge to throw up. That is something I never want to see.

Edward's future was too important to me. I would not make a hasty decision that could cause him problems, even if he brought it all on himself. I loved him too much.

I decided right then to give her what she wanted…for the moment. I needed time to think and didn't want her to act on her threats.

"Fine…fine." I almost whispered, holding my hands up in defeat. "I will stay away from him…for now. It's pointless though…just so you know that. He will never want you!"

"We'll see…" she smirked. "Don't fuck with me Bella. I don't give second chances," she said as she turned and made her way towards the camp.

I stood there shaking for a few minutes. What should I do? Did I dare go down there and tell Edward what happened? Did I tell him that Tanya was behind this all along?

He would be so angry but would tell me everything would be okay. He would say that he doesn't care if the picture or video get out as long as we're together, I knew this, but I also knew we would care.

He would care if it made his introduction to college tension-filled. He would care when he had to explain to his parents what had happened.

I would care knowing that so many more people were aware of the photo. I would care that there was a video streaming out of someone's computer. I would care that Edward had worked so hard throughout high school to get the grades, play the sports and get into the college he wanted…only to have it begin with humiliation.

We hadn't been together for months. A little while longer would not change anything and I could figure out what to do.

I made my way back to the tent and stood at the entrance for about five minutes, just trying to get my breathing to a pace that wouldn't startle him.

I opened the door and slipped inside. He was snoring lightly, naked limbs peaking out at different spots under the sleeping bag.

I wanted to just crawl back under the covers with him…knowing this was not how the rest of the night was supposed to go.

I kissed him softly on the side of his sleeping head. "I love you, Edward," I said, grabbing my keys, phone and bra from the corner of the tent and I made my way back up to the cars.

When I got home, I wasn't sure what to do next. It was about seven thirty now and the sky was lit, promising a beautiful day. I was sad that I wouldn't get to wake in Edward's arms.

I sat in the kitchen drinking coffee until my father made it down the stairs about a half hour later.

"Hey Bells," he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "I thought you were campin' out last night?"

"I was. I just…Dad?"

"Yeah Bells?" he responded as he filled his mug with coffee.

"I think I want to go to Phoenix and see mom for a little while."

He looked surprised.

I loved my mom, but she could be flighty. I didn't volunteer to go see her often because it was always like I was babysitting her. I preferred to be at my dad's.

"Yeah…um…sure, sure. Of course you can go see your mom. You want to go next week?"

"I want to go today."

"Bella, shit…I mean, airplane tickets are expensive. It'll be cheaper if we buy one a week out, don't you think?"

"I'm going to drive….I just want time to, to clear my head."

He studied me for a few minutes. He knew Edward and I weren't together and knew that I had been sad and moping for months.

He nodded and stared out the window over the kitchen sink.

He made me call my mother to make sure that she was in town and that I could go for a visit. She was excited, her boyfriend Phil was on the road and she was looking forward to the company.

I went up to my room and threw together a duffle bag full of whatever. I didn't spend time making sure I had matching outfits, I just needed to go before I changed my mind and ran back to Edward.

On my way out the door, my dad handed me two hundred dollars in cash and a Visa credit card. "Whatever you need…" he said uncomfortably. "Just do what you need to do and come back, okay?"

It occurred to me then that he was thinking I might not come back.

The thought hadn't even crossed my mind…this was a temporary solution until I figured out how to handle the Tanya situation.

"I'll be back, I promise dad," I said as I hugged him. "I love you."

I filled my tank with gas as quickly as I could. I was nervous that Edward may have woken and realized I was gone. I didn't want to risk him coming to find me.

I had been driving for about an hour when my cell rang. I was relieved to see it was Rose. I could handle talking to her first.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Where the hell are you?" Rosalie asks.

"I'm…driving. I'm going to see my mom, Rose. I had to get out of there. I'm so confused and…is he with you?"

She was silent for a moment and then she spoke.

"Yeah…I walked away. I can talk now. What is going on? Edward is a mess. He said he woke up this morning and you were gone. Did you guys sleep together?"

"Oh Rose…" I sob now, making it difficult to see the road, "I just…I don't know what to do. We talked a little last night and one thing lead to another and…we made love."

"Oh my god, Bella! That's great! But…why did you leave? This is what you both want, baby…why aren't you here?"

I remembered my conversation with Tanya and did my best to compose myself.

"Rose, I do want this. I want him but…everything just happened so quickly and I'm still confused and angry about what happened and…" I was panting, trying to think of what to say to make this okay. "Just do me a favor okay?"

"Anything sweetie," she responded.

"Just tell him that I don't regret what happened. Tell him that, okay?"

"Of course…I can do that. When are you coming back, baby?"

I had no idea what I was going to do to fix this so I answered as honestly as I could.

"I'm not sure, Rose. I'll be home soon, I'm sure of it. Like I said, just tell him..." I bit my tongue, recalling Tanya's threats. "I'll see you soon." With that, I hung up, wiped my tears and continued to drive.

I settled in at my mom's…as much as I could anyway. Her house had never been "home" to me so I felt like a guest. I had a bedroom there with my own bathroom, but I preferred our cramped little set up in Forks.

My mom's boyfriend Phil played baseball. He wasn't very good so he was in the minors. His job required a lot of travel though so my mom was often on her own. They talked about getting married but my mom was such a free spirited, hippie chick that I would be surprised if it ever came to fruition.

They had a nice house. It was right off the desert with only one other house nearby. I liked the heat that rolled off the ground like smoke.

I spent a lot of time alone while my mom worked. I was still no closer to figuring out what to do about Tanya. I didn't dare tell Alice or Rose when we would speak because I knew they would tell Edward or go after Tanya themselves.

I ended up talking with Jacob a lot.

It began so casually. I felt incredibly alone so many miles from my life…and what started out as one phone call to let him know I was out of town, turned into nightly soul searching sessions.

He was on the outside so he didn't know any of my friends. I could talk to him uncensored.

"Bella, you know I think the guy is an ass…even if that girl planned the whole thing. He was still there, ya know? You can't make someone do something they don't want to do."

"I know that. I just…I miss him."

"I understand that too. Hell…I miss you. But maybe this is for the best right now? You have some time apart…trashy blonde chick can do what she needs to do. You can get some perspective…see if you even want to be with him after an extended absence. There was no way you were going to get over him when you were around each other every damn day."

"Jake…I don't want to get over him. You know this."

"I know, I know…but I still think a break is good."

I talked to Jake almost every night and eventually one week turned into two weeks, then three. Before I knew it, I had been gone a month.

I trusted Jacob's opinion and he seemed to think this was the right thing to do.

Edward tried to call me a lot, especially in the beginning. He would send me texts and leave voicemails. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

Internally I wanted to beg him to come and get me.

"Bella…it's me again. Fuck baby, I miss you so much. I'm so sorry if I rushed you. I just wanted to be with you so bad. I thought…well, I thought you wanted to be with me too. I'm sorry if you regret it but please, please call me? I just need to talk to you."

And the texts…

Bella please? don't push me away again. I love you so much. Please call me.

With every message, I wanted to call him more.

I refused to do anything that would hurt him more though, so I remained silent, hoping for a miracle to help me correct this situation.

The miracle finally came when I'd all but given up hope of ever being with Edward without the fear of Tanya's retaliation looming over us.

August 10th my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but it was from Washington. I almost didn't answer, thinking that Edward was calling me from a phone I didn't know…but I worried that it might be my dad or something so I just threw caution to the wind and answered.

Excellent choice.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

I was about to hang up when I heard a voice.

"Bella? Is this Bella Swan?"

I didn't recognize the voice.

"Um…yes?"

"Bella…this is Kate."

Fuck. Why the fuck was she calling me? She was Tanya's best friend and I knew that whatever she wanted could not be good.

"Yeah?" I said through gritted teeth. Was Tanya having her call me to rub something in?

"Bella, I really need to talk to you. I know we're not friends or anything but…"

Silence again.

And more silence.

"But what? What do you want Kate?" I finally asked.

Silence.

"Listen, Kate…I'm not going to sit here and listen to you breathe. If you have something to say, just say it."

"Um…This is really hard for me, Bella. I've wanted to talk to you for so long but Tanya…well…fuck!"

"Just say it already!" I shouted. "I'm done with this bullshit!"

"What happened with Tanya and Edward that night…it wasn't…it wasn't Edward's fault."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it was planned Bella. Every step of it was planned out."

"Kate, explain…I don't know what you are saying," I was frustrated with her cryptic conversation. I knew Tanya was behind the text but that was all I knew for sure.

"Mike and Tanya started this whole thing. He liked you, Tanya liked Edward…anyway, they finally narrowed it down to that night. Mike was supposed to keep you at work and make his play for you. Tanya was going to get Edward."

I thought back to the night of the party. The fucking binoculars that had suddenly been put in the wrong boxes. Mike coming into the store room….I had a feeling he was going to try and ask me out that night. You could just feel it in the air that he was ramping up for something, but his mother showed up to check on the inventory and it died there.

"What else?" I asked her in an even tone. "Who took the picture?"

She was quiet for another moment.

"I did….but please, let me explain the rest. You need to hear this, Bella."

I huffed. "Fine…go on."

"So Mike was supposed to do his thing with you at the store. We got to Rosalie's around five. Edward was drinking, but not very much. Just sipping a beer. Tanya had concocted this little "cocktail" she called it. She didn't want him to be so out of it that he questioned the situation. She said it was a mixture of things to just take away his inhibitions."

"What? Are you two fucking insane? What did she give him?"

"I don't know what all she put together, but she had this little baggy with powder in it. I just know for sure she had a little ecstasy, crushed Viagra… Rohypnol, I think. She only used a little. Some dealer she got the shit from told her how much to use to get the effect she wanted without something bad happening and…"

"And you could have fucking killed him, bitch! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I know Bella. I am so, so sorry. I didn't…I didn't think she would really go through with it. I never wanted to be part of it but Tanya is just...I didn't know how to say no to her. And it happened like she said…I mean, she slipped the stuff into his beer. It was almost gone already so when he took the last swig, he literally got everything she'd mixed together. It was about a half hour later that I could tell from the other side of the room that he was getting tired. It happened so fast. He was swaying a little and blinking his eyes. He went upstairs to lay down. When Tanya slipped in, I went in behind her and slipped into the closet. She was distracting him so he couldn't see me. Then she started trying to do stuff to him and…he said no Bella…he said no." She was silent again, but I wanted the rest of the story.

"Finish the story, Kate."

I heard her sigh and in a shaky voice she continued.

"He stood by the wall and I just remember him saying "What am I doing? I shouldn't be here?" but he was so groggy. I'm sure he had no idea that he was even talking out loud. I was sick to my stomach, I swear. I wanted to stop it, but I didn't dare at that point. I know you probably don't want to hear all the details…but you have to know that he wasn't excited because he wanted her. It was the drugs in his system, mixed with the alcohol. I was there and I really believe that. It wasn't his fault, Bella."

She was sobbing now and just kept saying, "I'm so sorry," over and over again.

I wanted to hang up the phone but I didn't. I realized that I needed her. This kind of thing just did not happen…not in my world anyway.

I tried to keep the conversation going. "What happened then?"

"Uh…well, you came in. That wasn't really planned. Tanya had hoped Mike would keep you occupied long enough for her to actually have sex with him. She told me to take a picture, but to make it count because if he saw the phone flash he would know something was up so I just took the one picture."

"And the video?"

"You know about that? How?"

"Tanya enlightened me."

"There's really nothing to the video. I was so nervous that at first I forgot to even video. Then when I finally remembered, my hand shook so bad that you couldn't see or hear anything in the darkness. It's basically just a blur. That's why she didn't send that to you instead of the picture."

"So there would be no way of showing him saying no?"

"No…we tried to watch it a bunch of times, but there is honestly nothing but the occasional flash of light. It was only about thirty seconds anyway."

"What happened after that?" I coaxed.

"Nothing really…You came in, Edward ran after you. Tanya got up after everyone left and fixed her shirt. She took my phone to look at the picture. She was pissed that the video didn't work…Then we went outside and she talked to Edward for a minute before we left."

"Talked to Edward?"

"Yeah…she was keeping her story up. Apologized for what happened, I guess. I think she may have tried to make another play for him, but he shot her down again. I wasn't exactly sure what she planned to do with that picture. I honestly didn't know she planned to text it to everyone until she asked me to help her pull together cell phone numbers."

"You do realize what you did, what Tanya did, is illegal, right?"

More fucking silence.

"Yes…I know that, but you needed to know the truth. You and Edward have suffered so much and I'll never be able to take back my part in it, but I can't be a part of her plans anymore."

"So…now what?"

"Whatever you want Bella…I mean that. If you want me to tell this to Edward or to…the police," her voice shook, "I will do whatever you want."

"I'm gonna sit with this a little while Kate, okay? Does Tanya know you are speaking with me?"

"No, of course not…I haven't talked to her since the boat."

"The boat?"

"She tried to start things up with Edward again out on the lake. He shot her down again but that's when I realized that this had to stop. He loves you so much, Bella."

"Let's just keep this conversation between us for now okay…until I decide what, if anything, we can do about it."

We ended the call and I just sat on my bed in shock.

Edward had been drugged. Who does that? You hear about people using date rape drugs on TV all the time, but usually its some guy slipping it to a girl in a bar…and that kind of thing never happens in Forks, Washington. The things she had given him and I didn't even know what all that was or the amount, could have killed him. All because she wanted him for herself. It was insane to even imagine.

I was glad to find out I would never have to see a video of that night and that it was not out there to hurt Edward.

Obviously Tanya was very unstable though. A person in their right mind just would not do that to another human being.

I wasn't sure if there was anything that the police could do at this point. It was pretty much Tanya's word against Kate's. There would be no way to prove anything happened. Even if some modern scientific methods made it possible to tell that he had been given a date rape drug, all she would have to do is deny she had anything to do with it.

I couldn't think about any of that right now though.

The only thing I could think about was getting back to Edward…

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A/N: So…there you go. I hope there is a little more love for Bella after this chapter. Keep in mind she is a 17 year old girl, making decisions as best she can. I did research how long certain drugs remain detectable in your system while writing this chapter and while there would be no way for them to detect at the point Bella finds out, she doesn't know that. I am also anxious to hear what you think of Edward now.

As I said before, there are 23 chapters written at this point (although I find myself editing them quite a bit each week so some things may still change). I am guessing we will wrap up in under 30 chapters.

As always…I cannot express how much your reviews, PM's, tweets, etc. have meant to me….SERIOUSLY.

And my fuckawesome Beta and Pre-reader – DaniaMCullen and AydenM…you ladies make me so happy everytime I open and read your comments about each chapter.

Click and review should you feel inclined. I do send out teasers to reviews when able.

Come play with me on twitter – justagirl1237


	13. Life Goes On

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me. These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

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EPOV

It's August twentieth. Bella and I broke up in April. She slipped away from me again in June. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

I have imagined on so many occasions getting into my car and driving to Phoenix. I would beg her to talk to me, beg her to give us a chance.

I don't do it though. She's made her choice. She obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. She told Rose she doesn't regret what happened but those are words…Her actions tell the truth.

So about a week ago I decided it was enough. I had loved this girl most of my life and in the past few months I have let that love turn me into someone I'm not. I have been short and confrontational with my family. "Whatever" has become my response to anything that irritates me.

This is not how I want to live.

I decided that the best thing for me to do is just remove myself from the equation. Therefore, I am leaving for college almost two weeks ahead of my friends. I need to be by myself for a while and get rid of the bitterness, the sadness and refocus.

She's gone and I need to just find a way to accept that.

"Mom?" I holler as I hit the bottom step.

My mother comes out of the kitchen where she has obviously been holed up crying. Her eyes are puffy and red.

"Mom… please don't, okay?" I beg. I'm sad too and I don't know how to handle her tears today. "I'm only a hundred and forty miles away. I'll be back here all the time."

"I know…but it'll be different now. You won't be my baby anymore," she says through sobs.

Thank God for my dad.

"Jesus Christ, woman…he's not going to come back and visit at all if you keep this up," he teases her, trying to break the tension. He puts his hands on her shoulders and backs her into him.

"All ready, son?" he says with a small smile. "You need help getting anything into the car?"

"No…I'm good. I've got everything I need for now."

"Well, the furniture company delivered the couch, table and chairs, your bed and what not yesterday so you should at least have a start when you get there," he adds.

"Thank you. Seriously…thank you guys so much. You didn't have to buy us all that stuff for the apartment. I could have just used my bed and…"

My mom interjects, "No…your bed stays here….so you have your room when you come back every weekend!"

I laugh. She is such a mom.

"Mom…I'm not coming home every weekend. I will have to study occasionally you know. Oh! And there will be all those hot college girls wanting to shack up with me too…don't forget that."

She smacks my arm and then reaches up to hug me. "You will come home as often as you can, right?"

"Of course, mom…I'm going to miss you as much as you'll miss me…probably more because I can't cook. I'll be living on Hot Pockets Monday through Friday!"

After about an hour of my mom practically handcuffing herself to me, I am finally allowed out of the driveway.

It's a slow drive. I look at the trees and remember all of the fun I've had in them over the years. I drive especially slow past Bella's house. I'm sure eventually I'll see her around when I'm in town but for all intents and purposes, I am saying goodbye to the Bella that was mine.

"See you beautiful girl," I mumble under my breath as I pass.

I promised my friends I would meet them at the diner before I leave town so I pull into the lot and sit in my car for a second longer than necessary.

I'll see Emmett, Jasper and Rose again soon but I won't be seeing the pixie as much and that sucks. She's a pain in the ass most of the time, but she's become like my little sister over the past year.

"Hey," I say as I slide in next to Rose at the table.

Alice is crying.

"Why are you crying? Jasper doesn't leave for two weeks, pixie," I remind her.

"I'm crying because…well, because everything ends now."

"Nothing ends, Alice," I say as I reach across the table and grab her hand. "I am willing to bet you will be in Seattle so often I will have to change the locks to keep you out."

"But it's not going to be the same!" she echoes my mother's words. "You guys won't be at our lunch table anymore. We won't see you in the halls or meet you in the parking lot. Everything will be different as soon as you pull out of that parking lot. We won't be the little posse anymore."

Jasper is rubbing her shoulder as she cries.

"So you guys are coming up Labor Day weekend right?" I try to change the subject.

"Yeah," Jasper responds. "We have a U-Haul for all our shit and Ali is coming with so she can drive one of our cars. We'll come up on Friday so she can stay the weekend and head home Monday before school starts."

"Cool."

I want to ask about Bella but…then I don't. It still makes me sad to think about her, but I've come to terms with it in a way. She'll never be a "whatever" thought but I'm finally starting to let her go.

We eat and Alice cries through most of the meal. By the time we get to the parking lot, I am so drained from the whole thing, I almost consider going back to my parents to sleep and try this shit later. I would, except my mother's bawling would just send me out the door again tomorrow.

"Alright…well, I'll see you guys in a couple weeks then. I'll have the apartment good and dirty before you get there," I joke.

We give half hugs and I kiss Alice and Rose on their foreheads.

I watch my childhood disappear in the rearview window as I make my way down the street.

I arrive in Seattle at about six o'clock. I drove slow…mainly because I was lost in thought and in no particular hurry.

I've only been to our apartment once, when we leased it. It's a really nice building, our parents sparing no expense. We rented a three bedroom and there are elevators and a pool. My mother insisted on a key-controlled building and private parking.

I grab my duffle bag and backpack and head into the building. The rest of the shit can wait until tomorrow. I take the elevator to the third floor and head down the hall to our apartment, number 1918.

It's like I remembered it. Very spacious and new looking. The furniture has been delivered and I see what my father meant when he told me in the driveway before I left "There are a few surprises for you too."

There is a huge flat screen TV in the living room. There are boxes on the kitchen counters from places like William Sonoma. Mom….

I make my way to my bedroom. I won the straw pull so I have the only bedroom with its own bathroom.

My new shit is nice. The bed is huge. Four posters, a fancy looking bedspread already on it.

I set my shit on the floor and dresser and make my way back to the kitchen. I'm hoping a phone book is in one of the drawers because my TV and internet won't be hooked up until the next day. I need some fucking food and should have stopped before I came to the apartment.

I look in a couple drawers but find nothing. Then I see a note taped to the fridge.

Mr. Cullen –

Thank you for using Whole Foods Market delivery service.

All of your items have been placed in the appropriate place per Mrs. Cullen's instruction.

We sincerely hope you will find our services acceptable and will keep us in mind for the future!

Only my mother would think to have food delivered to my apartment. God…I miss her already. I am willing to bet she paid someone a really nice tip to put shit away. I doubt that is part of a normal delivery service.

I open the cupboards and they are filled with shit like we have at home. I laugh when I open one cupboard and am met with about twenty boxes of Coco Puffs. I have the best mom in the world.

I open the fridge and it is filled with milk, juice, butter, eggs…everything I could possibly need and have no idea how to cook.

I hope she made arrangements for a chef too, I think to myself, or most of this shit is going to spoil.

I pull a box of Coco Puffs out of the cupboard and grab the milk, setting them on the counter.

I start opening boxes, searching for a bowl and a spoon.

The more I open, the harder I laugh.

There are baking pans in one box. Who the fuck is going to bake here? There is something that resembles a coffee pot, but the bottom glass thingy isn't connected to it. I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do with that? Oven mitts, a frickin' melon ball thing, I only know this because the package says so…boxes and boxes of shit I have no idea how to use.

I finally find a box that says "Olives Dinnerware Collection" and I realize I've found the bowls. The pattern is cool…but I would have been happy with disposable plastic shit.

Two boxes later, I find a spoon. Granted, it's not a regular spoon, it's more like a little ladle, but I decide it's going to do.

I set everything on the table and go grab a notebook out of my backpack. Somewhere between the blender and the pantry canisters I realized this was home. Maybe a guy's version of my mom's house…but home nonetheless. There is something I need to do that I have tried not to think about.

**Dear Bella,**

**I'm sending this letter to your dad's. I am assuming you are coming home at some point. If not, he can forward it to you.**

**I am spending my first night in my new apartment and I thought it was a good time to close the book on unfinished business in order to really enjoy this new experience.**

**I hope you are doing okay. I really regret the way things ended with us. I would have liked the opportunity to see you, to say goodbye to you… but for some reason you disappeared. I have to believe you had your reasons for that and honestly, I'm not angry about it anymore.**

**I've tried to tell myself that I am over you…I'm moving on. I run it in my head on constant replay to try to make it real. I wish my head and my heart could agree. Some days they do.**

**I have to let you go though Bella, because you let me go at the graduation party, probably before. I have to stop being so bitter and sad… and I definitely have to start living my life instead of pining over a girl that doesn't want me anymore.**

**I'm sure I'll see you around Forks when I visit and I want you to know it won't be weird. We share history. We share friends and we'll be going to the same school next year so I need to get okay with this.**

**Take care of yourself Bella. Enjoy your senior year! There will be a spot at the lunch table waiting for you next year.**

**Your Friend Always,**

**Edward**

I go downstairs and drop the letter in the mailbox before I can change my mind. I need this, I remind myself.

I head back to the elevator a little lighter.

Just as the doors are closing, a hand comes between them and triggers the sensors so the door doesn't close.

An out-of-breath girl hops in the elevator. She's obviously been jogging. She's wearing shorts and a t-shirt, running shoes. Her hair is damp from sweat.

"Sorry," she says as she leans against the elevator wall.

I allow myself to look at her. She's cute. Not Bella beautiful, but I remind myself that I need to stop thinking about her.

My eyes scan her as she messes with buttons on her watch. She's thin and has an athletic build. Her long brown hair is in a ponytail, but is in disarray from running. Her breasts are small, a handful. Tight ass from running.

She must feel my eyes on her because she looks up and smirks.

"It's nice out there tonight. The air is getting cooler. You new here?"

"Yeah…just moved in tonight."

"Well, welcome to the building," she says with a smile, "I'm Victoria."

My hand sticks to my side, kind of like it did when that girl Lauren tried to shake it a lifetime ago by our lockers. I force myself to move it this time though. I have to in order to move on.

"Nice to meet you, Victoria. I'm Edward."

She doesn't immediately release my hand…

Life goes on.

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A/N: Shall I hide under the covers now? Short chapter, but transitional. I didn't want to fill it with fluff just for word count – hope you agree.

Thank you to all who read, review, recommend, vote, etc. I appreciate it so much!

Leave me a review for Chapter 14 teaser and come play with me on twitter at justagirl1237. I'm not there as much as I'd like these days, but hopefully that will change soon.


	14. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me. These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

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BPOV

My mind is a blur as I head down the highway back to Forks. I am sure my mother thinks I've lost my mind…I packed up and was out the door so quickly I can't even recall if I actually kissed her goodbye.

This is my mother we are talking about though…it probably seems logical to her to run around like a chicken with its head cut off. She has made retreats like this one on many occasions.

Regardless, I will call her when I get home and apologize for my hasty exit, I tell myself.

I didn't explain to her what had happened. That is a conversation I will have with my father…with Edward…and with his parents, I assume.

On one hand, I am trying to come to terms with all that Kate told me. It still seems like something I'd watch on a soap opera.

On the other hand, I just want to get to Edward…rational thoughts be damned.

I probably should have called him before I left, but in my mind I am justified that this is not something I should tell him over the telephone. First off, he probably doesn't even want to talk to me. Who the hell would, after someone sleeps with you and then just disappears? I wouldn't blame him if he hates me right now…

I still believe that I did the right thing, given the circumstances…but I will do everything in my power to make it up to him.

I look at my watch and I am doing well on time. The radio in this beast leaves a little to be desired so I have my iPod playing on the seat next to me. I'm heading along the I-5 North just past Redding when the truck starts to make a funky sputtering noise.

What is that?

Immediately I start to panic. I would like to say I am one of those girls who can take care of herself in a crisis situation. Unfortunately, I can put the gas in the tank…I can check the windshield wiper fluid…and beyond that, I am pretty much useless when it comes to vehicle maintenance.

I pull into a rest stop…at least I think it's a rest stop? There are metal poles sticking out of the ground but there is no sign on top of them. There is a small building, parking spaces and in the distance I see a sign with a picture of a dog on it indicating the pet area.

By the time I come to a stop, my truck is gasping for air and I am fairly sure I hear Taps playing quietly in the background.

I get out and lift the hood. I am not sure why exactly, because I have no idea what it's supposed to look like under there…but that's what you always see people do on TV and in the movies… so the hood goes up and I look at it with my hands on my hips.

Smoke bellows out in a cloud.

That can't be good, can it?

I look from side to side…nobody.

I look back at the engine…motor? Whatever it's called, and do the only thing I can think of…

I cry.

"Please," I sob as I stroke the frame lovingly, "just get us home, okay? Then you can have a rest. We have a plan, remember?"

The trucks only response is to sputter at me mockingly and then go completely silent.

I rush around to the driver's side, climb in and attempt to start it back up.

Silence. Not even a clicky noise.

You have got to be kidding me.

I lay my head on the steering wheel and just sob for a moment. Why does this always happen to me?

Then I get the giggles.

I think back to all the times Edward made little comments about my trunk. I was always so defensive when he did that because damn it, it might be older than I am, but I have always loved my creaky, rusty old beast.

Finally, putting on my big girl panties, deciding that tears are going to get me no further in this situation than this truck is, I reach over and grab my purse, fishing my cell phone out.

So much for big girl...I start to cry again.

My cell started beeping at me about an hour ago. I wasn't able to plug it in because the lighter in the truck doesn't work. I figured I'd just call my dad collect from a payphone once I got closer to home.

Pay phone!

I grab my purse and throw my iPod and cell into it as I run towards the small building.

There has to be a payphone here, right?

When I reach the building there are doors on either side leading into the men's and women's restrooms. In the middle, between the two, are a soda machine and a garbage can. Where's the phone?

I sigh…but I am _so_ not going to cry again.

I look around and other than the highway there is nothing particularly close to me.

I look back to the building and notice a sign I hadn't seen previously.

**Telephones located in Restrooms **

Yes!

I go over and pull the handle to the women's restroom…locked.

Men's restroom…locked.

What exactly do I need to do to get a break? Was I a drug lord in a previous life or something?

There is one window up high next to each door. I can't really reach them at my height, but they are propped open with sticks, I assume to keep the empty rooms ventilated.

I am going in.

I pull the garbage can over to the women's door. It's pretty sturdy, it should hold me fine. I hook the strap of my purse over my head and crawl up on top of the can. It wobbles a little but I am so proud of myself that I manage to stay upright. I peek in the window…

Yep…it's a bathroom.

I see the phone on the wall next to the tampon dispenser and it appears to be in one piece. I have no idea if it works, but at this point it is my only option and I'm going for it.

There is another garbage can right next to the door on the inside. I will be able to stand on that once I pull myself through this window. It's a tight fit, but I'm small enough that I should make it.

I pull myself up and feel the can I'm on move slightly. I hold onto the window sill as I hook one leg over and pull myself up. The stick falls to the ground as I begin to pull myself through.

I have half of my body on both sides of the window and am reminded of those old "I Love Lucy" episodes my Grams watches when I suddenly lose my grip. I hold on, but begin to teeter before losing my hold and crashing to the floor inside the bathroom.

It feels like it's happening in slow motion. At first I think I'll be a little sore, but fine…and then I feel the piercing pain take hold of my ankle. This pain tells me that something is definitely not right.

I begin to cry again from the pain. I realize in my shocked state that I have indeed broken my ankle…and it hurts…like really bad.

I am writhing around on the floor, holding onto my leg. It hurts so bad I can barely catch a breath. I make the mistake of actually touching the ankle and I feel it just flop between my fingers. I have no control over it whatsoever.

Oh my god this hurts so bad!

After about five minutes of screaming, crying, panting and gritting my teeth I realize I am locked in a frigging rest stop bathroom. If that isn't bad enough, there is no sign on the road so the odds of anyone else coming along to help me is slim to none. I have to get to that damn phone.

I scoot forward, crying as I go, attempting to block out the pain in my ankle. It isn't working, but I keep moving.

Halfway there I feel like I am going to pass out. I have never felt such pain in all my life.

With all the will I have, I pull myself across the floor until I am right underneath the payphone. I try reaching up, but I am nowhere near actually touching the box, let alone the receiver.

I try to lift myself up and not only is it beyond painful, but I cannot bare weight on my foot to allow me to get into a standing position. I look around the phone for something to help me get up that wouldn't require the use of that leg at all.

I see nothing.

Through my tears I look around the restroom, in the far corner there is a mop propped against the wall.

Of course, I think to myself, continuing my panting.

I lay almost flat on the disgusting floor and pull myself inch by inch across it. I can feel grainy sand beneath my hands and try hard not to think about what I am touching.

I reach the mop and use the wall to slowly pull myself into a sitting position. Gripping the mop handle like a lifeline I continue pulling myself up.

When I finally get myself into a standing position I am crying so hard my whole body is shaking. I look down at my foot, which is dangling like a ragdoll's limb. The rest of my leg hurts too but it doesn't have the detached feeling of my foot.

I hop along the wall using it for support on one side and the mop on the other like a crutch until I reach the phone. My foot feels foreign, like it's not even part of my body.

Please, dear God, let the phone work.

I lift the receiver and take a deep breath before holding it to my ear.

It has a dial tone.

I cry more, a combination of both pain and joy.

I can't recall ever actually using a payphone in my life but there are directions on how to place a collect call along the side. I follow them to a tee and then announce my name when prompted.

I wait for my dad to answer.

Nothing.

What does that mean?

An automated voice comes on and tells me my party did not answer.

Fuck.

I try again, dialing my mother's number this time.

I can hear my mother's machine pick up and again the automated voice cuts in telling me my party doesn't answer.

Um…maybe my fucking "party's" are having a party!

Where is everyone?

I think about calling one of my friends, but all of my numbers are programmed into my phone and I haven't actually had to dial in forever.

I am in so much pain and standing up has only intensified it because the blood is now rushing to the aid of my injured limb.

I decide to call Edward. Whether he hates me or not, I know him…he will help me.

With shaky fingers, I dial.

The same annoying voice speaks, but I can hear Edward's voicemail in the background.

_Hey – this is Edward. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you."_

The sound of his voice hurts. He sounds so happy and…

My leg reminds me of the matter at hand. There is a new throbbing sensation happening now that makes me just want to cut the leg off completely.

I refocus and dial the only other number I know by heart.

"_Hello?"_

I take a steadying breath, trying to make my predicament sound less serious then it actually is...

"_Jake? It's Bella…I need your help."_

Four hours later I am in a hospital bed hooked up to a very impressive drip. I am feeling no pain and my leg is wrapped and surrounded in a huge brace.

Shasta Regional Hospital has been very kind to me, I think as I sigh and peek around through hooded eyes.

Upon receiving my call, Jake had immediately called an ambulance to come and get me. As appreciative as I was and am…it was still a little embarrassing to find myself carted out of an abandoned bathroom with my mop securely in my hand. The paramedic had tried to take it away, but for whatever reason, I clung to it like it was family.

I was scanned and x-rayed almost immediately and the doctors told me I actually managed to break my Fibula and fracture my ankle. I am scheduled for surgery the day after tomorrow and my understanding is I will have two pins in my leg and will be in a cast for the next few months.

Jake called my hospital room about twenty minutes ago to tell me where he was en- route. He had called my dad right after summoning the ambulance, explained what happened and was now on his way to see me.

My dad was understandably frantic at first. However, he was on duty…and after the doctors assured him I was resting comfortably, he agreed to stay in Forks until he was relieved, rather than call an off-duty officer in. Those guys worked long shifts as it was and I told my dad that since I wasn't going anywhere at the moment and I felt no pain, he shouldn't pull one of them from their families. At first he argued with me, telling me he should be with me, but he finally caved. He said he was going to sleep for a little bit when his shift was over and would leave very early in the morning.

I slip in and out of consciousness over the next few hours, the drugs they are pumping into me keep me pretty groggy.

I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

I want to see him, to speak with him so badly. Unfortunately, in my condition, I am not going anywhere. The doctors say that after my surgery, I will remain in the hospital for the next several days. Normally, I would have been allowed to go home to recuperate within hours of the surgery, but since Forks is about eleven hours away, they don't feel I should be in a car that long.

Waking up in the middle of the night, I sense that someone is watching me. I am right….

Jacob is sitting in a chair at the side of my bed. He looks so tired.

"Jake, you look exhausted," I comment as I rub at my eyes, trying to see him clearly with only the dim lights behind my bed.

He laughs. "I could say the same to you, clumsy girl! This little adventure is even more than I expected from you!"

I roll my eyes. He is right, I am clumsy but this is beyond. I fell through a fucking window into a filthy abandoned bathroom.

We talk for a few minutes. I explain to him exactly what had happened at the rest stop. I do not get into the Kate and Tanya stuff…I don't have the energy. At some point I pass out again because the next thing I know the sunlight is shining in through the large window.

Jake isn't in my room and I almost convince myself that I dreamt him being here but when he comes barreling into the room with a donut sticking out of his mouth and a paper cup in his hand, I realize he had in fact spent the night in my room.

"Morning beautiful!" he chirps as he makes his way to the bed sitting down in the chair. "How are you feeling?"

I think about his question for a moment, assessing my pain level. The drugs are still working and I feel nothing from my hip down.

"I'm…I think I'm good."

He just laughs and shakes his head, continuing to chomp on his donut.

I am still not capable of actual conversation, my mouth is dry and I just want to sleep…so I do.

When I wake up again I hear Jake talking to someone.

"No…she's good. She'll be hobbling around for a while, but all things considered, she's pretty lucky that's all the damage she did. If she'd have hit her head in the fall…" he trails off.

I don't hear anyone respond and realize he must be on the telephone.

"Yeah, I'll see you when I get home."

I look over to him as he stuffs his cell phone back in his jacket pocket.

"Hey," I say in a scratchy voice, "who was that?"

He gives me a small smile.

"How are you feeling, beautiful?" he asks and I am aware he doesn't answer the question. I don't push for an answer though. I am too tired.

"Is my dad here?"

"No. I talked to him a little while ago. He should be here in about three hours, give or take."

"Hmmm…"

"Do you need anything…water?"

"Yes," I nod my head slowly, "I would love some water."

Jake gets up and fills a cup from the pink pitcher. He looks so tired and it occurs to me that he must be, he drove hours to get to me and has sat in this room pretty much since, from what I can tell.

"Jacob?"

"Hmmm?" he says walking to me with the cup, dropping a straw in it and handing it to me.

"Thank you…Thank you so much for saving me."

He chuckles, but looks embarrassed.

"I think you are being a little dramatic, beautiful."

I shake my head. "No…No, you did. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't answered the phone and…well, you didn't need to drive all the way here. I just…thank you."

He purses his lips into a small smile and leans forward giving me a small kiss on the forehead. "Anytime."

Over the next three and a half hours Jake and I talk some, but mostly I sleep. The nurse decreases the drip in my IV and I can feel a bit more than I did before. It's not pain exactly, just a little uncomfortable. She says it will make me feel less groggy, but if I start to feel pain I should let them know and they will up the dose a little more.

"You doin' okay?" Jake asks as he rubs my arm, I nod and smile slightly.

"So…what happened? You didn't tell me you were driving back already."

"I…I needed…" I'm not really sure what to tell him. I want to tell him everything about my conversation with Kate, but for whatever reason, I feel like Edward should hear it before Jacob does. "It was just time to come home."

Jake and I watch television for a while. Really bad reality shows have us laughing out loud.

"Seriously? What is that girl doing with him?" I snort and try not to laugh too hard as it makes my body hurt.

"Some girls just don't see it when a guy isn't good for them," he laughs back, but there is hidden meaning there. I try to ignore it, keeping the mood light.

"But okay…I understand she got pregnant, shit happens but why is the mother letting him live there? He's obviously an ass."

We are watching _16 and Pregnant_. It's a marathon that has been on for almost two hours now.

Jake starts to answer me when the door opens.

"Bells…" my father says as he makes his way to the bed with a pained look on his face. "How are you feeling?"

According to Jake, my father called several times while driving to Redding, but I was asleep every time so we haven't actually spoken since last night.

"I'm good, dad. Sore…but good," I try to reassure him.

The doctor comes in and explains everything again to my father. My surgery is tomorrow morning, everything is expected to go well. He reminds us that there are always risks with surgery and says something about a growth plate. Most of it goes over my head in my current state. The doctor informs both my father and I that I will need to take it easy while I heal. I will be able to move about on crutches, but I should prop it on a chair while at school and try to keep it elevated as much as possible when home.

Once the doctor leaves, my father addresses Jacob.

"Son, I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you did. Thank you."

Jake looks uncomfortable and embarrassed again, but nods and plays with his hands.

"I brought Embry with me," my father says as he motions with his head towards the door. "Your dad thought you might like some company for the trip home. I had him wait in the lobby…wasn't sure if Bells would be up to more company."

At some point Embry comes in and says hello. I don't know him very well, only having seen him occasionally when Jacob and I hung out last spring. Eventually they agree that he will drive while Jake gets some sleep and then he'll drive the rest of the way.

Jacob gives me another small kiss on the forehead as they prepare to leave.

"Try to relax, beautiful," he says with a grin, "Don't fall out of the bed and break the other leg."

I laugh and roll my eyes.

"You know me…it's a good thing there are guard rails."

My father walks them out and I have my first few minutes alone since all of this happened. Well…coherent anyway.

I think of Edward again and how much I want to talk to him. My phone is obviously still dead and the charger is back in the truck. I could call him collect or break down and ask my dad to let me call him on his cell phone, but I decide to wait. It's late now and I have my surgery in the morning.

I wake up to a nurse nudging me lightly.

"Bella? It's time to prep you for surgery, sweetie," she says as she smiles down at me.

I vaguely remember someone drawing on my leg with a sharpie or something and my dad holding my hand. I remember lights overhead as my bed moves down the hall.

"Bells?"

I swallow hard a couple of times and squeeze my eyes, trying to open them.

"Well, look it there…she lives!" my father teases as I attempt to focus.

"Hey daddy," I respond in a scratchy voice.

The doctor comes in to see how I am doing and tells me everything went well in surgery. Aside from setting off a metal detector or two and having some sensitivity to cold with the pins, I should make a full recovery.

I sleep most of the day, that little drip is apparently packing again and is my best friend at the moment.

The day after surgery is pretty much the same. I am awake periodically, but something about laying in a bed, hooked up to meds, makes me embrace sleep more than I ever have.

Six days since my accident and we are finally going back to Forks. My leg is in a huge cast that goes up above my knee. Only my little toes peek out. I chose blue from the wide variety of colors offered. I currently have another brace type thing over top of the cast that is hooked up to a cooler full of ice water. It circulates over my leg, numbing it and preventing me from feeling much pain. I am told I should keep this on the whole ride home and then every couple of hours for the next few days. I also have a prescription for something…I can't remember what it's called but I know its pain medication.

My dad and an orderly set me up in the back seat of the cruiser with a stack of pillows, a blanket and a pile of magazines. I have to laugh when I look at them. You can tell a man who has no idea what his teenage daughter reads purchased these. There is a Reader's Digest, a Country Living, and several Teen Bop magazines.

The ride home is pretty quiet. My dad is listening to some God-awful talk radio and I am reading about the most welcoming ways to stage a room. Apparently the position of your coffee table says a great deal about you as a person.

I start to talk with my dad about the Tanya situation twice, but both times I back out of it before telling him anything. He looks so tired and he's driving the car, I'm in the backseat…not exactly the most ideal place to have a conversation as serious as this.

When we finally arrive home, I am in serious pain….

My leg hurts so bad and although I try to pretend it's not so bad, the tears are silently falling down my cheeks.

"Jesus Christ, Bells…" my father says as he leans in the door, "are you okay?"

I nod and bite my lip.

"I'm okay…just sore, I think."

"Why didn't you say anything, damn it," he says, shaking his head.

He gets me up to my bed and loads me up with Vicodin. He refills the ice in the cooler and props my leg on pillows. Even in this excruciating pain, I am still in awe of my father. He is not the kind of man that shows emotion easily, but when I need him, he is always the caretaker I need. My mother loves me, of that I have no doubts, but it is different with her, she doesn't have much of a maternal side and while my father acts like the proper Forks Police Chief, he is a softy inside.

I find myself sleeping a lot. Every time I start to feel alert the fatigue hits me again. My dad says the doctors told him this is normal. I am small and had a major surgery, he said everyone's body heals differently and even though I _want_ to be fine, I just need to take this time to rest.

After being home for a few days I start to feel like myself. I am not taking the pain medication anymore, but I use the ice machine a couple times a day. I am able to get up and out now, which is a plus. My father moves me downstairs and set me up on the couch so I don't have to navigate the stairs and I am finally able to take a real shower. I do have to wrap my leg up so as not to get it wet, but the warm water feels amazing.

"I'm off, Bells," my dad says as he reaches for his keys and peeks into the living room. "If you need anything, just call the station. Jake called…he's going to stop over and check on you later so…"

"Dad, I'm fine," I laugh and roll my eyes. "I feel so much better today, honestly. Jake doesn't need to run all the way over here."

"He seemed to want to so…I just feel better knowing he'll be hanging out with you."

I don't argue with him, I like seeing Jake and I haven't felt up to calling anyone until today.

"Dad?"

"Yeah," he says, opening the door but leaning back so he can see me.

"Will you be home early?"

"It shouldn't be a long night. I should be home around six."

"Okay…" I trail off.

He walks back into the living room. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," I nod, "I just…I really need to talk to you about something and…I've put it off too long already."

"You want to talk now?" he says and sits on the arm of the chair.

I shake my head, this conversation will take more then the few minutes he can spare right now. "We can talk when you get home, okay?"

Jake arrives at about noon, he's his smiling, carefree self today and it's refreshing.

"Chicken or tomato?" he hollers from the kitchen.

"What?"

"Soup…chicken or tomato?"

"Oh," I say as I climb off the couch and make my way to the kitchen. "Chicken noodle, definitely."

"What are you doing in here?" he reprimands me, "Get back on the couch."

"Jake, I'm fine. The doctor says it's important for me to get up and move around. Let me help you."

"Nope…you can circle the kitchen and get your exercise if you want, but I am cooking this meal woman."

I roll my eyes and laugh, wandering around the room. It feels good to move.

"You heading outside to hunt next?" I tease him.

I grab some crackers from the cupboard and toss them on the table, look out the window…

"We should eat in the backyard. It's so nice out today. God, can you believe summer is almost over?"

Jake and I have our little chicken soup picnic on the back porch. I like talking with him, we've become pretty close since last spring, mainly because of our talks while I was in Phoenix. I still don't have romantic feelings for him but he hasn't brought anything up either, so I am hopeful a long friendship is in our future.

I start to feel preoccupied, I have been thinking about Edward a lot today now that my head is clear. I need to talk to him, need to let him know what happened.

I can't do it with Jacob here.

"I'm starting to feel a little tired," I tell him and that's the truth. I haven't moved around this much in a while.

"Sure," he says with a smile, standing, "let me get you settled back on the couch."

We make our way back inside, me hobbling along on my crutches, and Jake takes the dishes to the kitchen.

"I'm just going to stop by the bathroom…" I tell him as I make my way down the hall.

"Need any help?" he teases.

"I think I'm good there perv," I laugh, glancing at my mop leaning against the closet door. I don't know why I brought it home, I just wanted it.

As I pass the hall table I see a stack of mail. I pause to finger through it quickly with my one available hand, as I lean on my crutch for support. There's a letter from a body shop in Redding, I hadn't even asked about my truck yet. It now occurs to me…my dad must have had them tow it to their shop?

My breath catches when I see a long white envelope. It's to me…and it's from Edward.

"You okay, Bells?" Jake says as he rounds the corner.

I quickly stuff the envelope under my shirt and turn to him.

"Yeah…Yeah, I'm good. Just looking through the mail," I smile.

"You should probably get some rest, you're looking a little worn out," he says as he steadies me and starts to walk me to the living room. I still need to use the bathroom, but now all I can think of is that envelope burning against my skin.

When did Edward write to me? What does it say? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does he hate me?

"Jake…why don't you go ahead and head home for a while. I'm going to sleep and there's no sense in you sitting here. I'll call you when I wake up, okay?"

He looks unsure, but nods his head.

"Just don't forget to call me. If Charlie's not back yet, I'll come over and make you my award winning chili for dinner."

I laugh.

A few moments later I sit alone in my living room staring at the envelope in my shaky hands.

This is so silly, I tell myself as I tear it open. Whatever it says, we'll be alright. I have to believe that.

Dear Bella,

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A/N: So, there you go – Bella has been MIA due to an accident. And before anyone jumps all over her for not calling Edward afterwards or telling Charlie right away, I just want to say that everyone reacts differently to medication and stress. I have had major surgery twice and I was so hopped up on Demerol and morphine in the hospital and was sent home with Vicodin. I was in such a fog that I remember knowing there were things I should respond to but I couldn't wrap my head around what they were for days.

Secondly, I was so thrilled to find out I had won a Sparkleteers Rare Gem Award for Best Tearjerker. How awesome is that? Thank you so much to those of you that voted. I was so excited you'd have thought Rob delivered the news personally!

As always...thank you so much for reading, reviewing and recommending. I read every review and take all of your thoughts and comments to heart.

Reviews get you teasers for the next chapter (Unless you have your PMs on block)

You can find me on twitter at justagirl1237 – come play!


	15. Starting Again

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me. These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

* * *

EPOV

"No!" Victoria screams as I lift her in the air, her arms and legs are flying about. "Let me down, now!"

She's giggling and trying to get away from me. This all started with an argument over what show to watch. I want to watch sports and she wants to watch Jersey Shore.

"Hand me the remote and I'll put you down," I say reaching as best I can to her extended arm.

After failing to reach it, I resort to tickling her under her arms. Her whole body begins to convulse.

"Fine…fine! Here!" she says, holding the remote out to me. "Fucker," she gasps, straightening her shirt as I set her down and start flipping through the channels.

Since meeting Victoria a week ago in the elevator I am making an effort to open myself up. She is a student too, a sophomore, who lives in Seattle year round. Her roommate isn't coming until next week either so we've spent a lot of time together this week.

She's a goof and her carefree attitude, I am hoping, will be contagious.

"What are we eating?" she asks as she plops down in front of the TV. "If I have to watch CNN again, I want Chinese."

"Fine…you order. I'm gonna take a shower quick. Running with you is seriously going to kill me."

"Four miles, Edward," she rolls her eyes, "By winter I will have your ass running eight." She gets up and walks over to my kitchen, pulling the take out menu from the drawer. "You want egg rolls?" she asks as I walk towards my room.

"Yeah…and Chicken Chow Mein."

We have been playful all week, but other than the tickling a few minutes ago and her grabbing my arm once as we walked into the video store, nothing has happened between us…yet.

Last night we were playing scrabble at her coffee table, both of us sitting cross-legged on the floor when she gave me the look. I know the look. I've seen it a million times, mostly from Bella, but from other girls too. She wanted me to make a move.

I almost did. I was putting pressure on my crossed legs, butt lifting off the floor so I could lean over the corner of the table and kiss her. I don't know why I didn't just fucking do it, but at the last second, I sat back down.

We're so comfortable together already that we've talked about more than I have with Em or Jazz lately. We've even discussed our ex's. It's strange, but surprisingly cool too. I have girls as friends, but they are Bella's friends too. I don't confide in them like I have with Victoria. She says her ex was a senior last year and when he graduated, basically said 'see ya!' and was gone. She was heartbroken for months but feels like she is starting to come back to the land of the living.

I talk to her about Bella…not in a way that is disrespectful of her privacy, just about how I feel about her and what happened between us last spring. I explained to her that Bella was my high school girlfriend and that I loved her very much. I told her I fucked up big time and she dumped my ass. I haven't shared any of the intimate moments of our relationship really. Those are just for me to remember.

"Edward?" I hear her say as she taps on the bathroom door.

I'm in the shower and her voice startles me a little. "Yeah?"

She says something else but I can't hear her over the water.

"What?"

I jump a little again because I feel the cool air that accompanies the door opening. You can't see through the shower curtain, but I am still naked over here and Victoria is now in my bathroom.

"I said…they are out of Chicken Chow Mein. I went with a sampler platter that has a bunch of shit we can snack on. Is that cool with you?"

"Um…yeah?" I say nervously.

She giggles. "You want some company in there?" she teases, but I see her fingers on the corner of the shower curtain.

Oh fuck.

I don't get to respond before her head peeks around the corner. "Nice," she says with a smirk.

I'm probably a hundred shades of red right now. I want to put my hands over my cock, but that seems like such a loser thing to do so I just stand here trying to look casual….I'm sure I am failing miserably.

I know I have a nice body, I work at it, so I'm not necessarily shy…but it still feels wrong to be here like this. Even though I don't have a girlfriend anymore, I still feel like I do. I try to remind myself that if I ever want to fuck something besides my hand again, I have to stop being such a fucking douche.

Taking my silence as confirmation that she is okay to proceed, she slides the shower curtain open further and moves to stand in front of me. The water is hitting her as it bounces off me.

"If I'm going to get wet, Edward…I'd prefer to be naked," she says in a sultry voice, her eyes hooded, as she puts her hand on my chest.

I steady myself and take a breath. I reach my hands out and place them on her hips. "Well…maybe you should get naked then?"

She stands on her tip toes and presses her lips to mine. I feel her tongue slide across my closed lips.

It feels nice. Odd…but nice. I am telling the part of my brain that controls motion to open my fucking mouth already. Pull her shirt over her head and bring her into the shower. Do something for fuck's sake!

I sigh and drop my hands. There is no lavender scent here.

I want to kick my own ass at this point. I _am_ a fucking douche.

"You okay?" she says as she moves her head back to look at me.

"I'm really sorry, Victoria. Fuck…You are so beautiful and I want to…Jesus Christ, do I want to…but," I bend slightly to look directly in her eyes, "I just can't do this yet. I'm still dealing with the shit I feel for Bella and letting this go any further wouldn't be fair to you."

She smiles. "Edward…I understand, seriously. Don't feel bad, okay? Maybe we'll get there…maybe we won't. If not…I've made a good friend, right?" She looks at me questioningly.

"Yeah…definitely."

She pulls the shower curtain closed again. "I'm gonna go wait for the food. Hurry up and get your ass out here," she says in that carefree tone she has. "If nothing else…I got to see your junk there stud." I can hear her chuckling as she closes the door.

I lean against the shower wall.

Why can't I do this? Bella doesn't want me. It's been fucking months. I need to just take the leap already. If I do it once, it'll get easier…like riding a bike. I'll start associating other smells and sounds with sex. If I don't do it, I'm just going to be a single fucking guy forever. It's pathetic really. I'm gonna be forty years old living in Emmett's basement like that dude in the Wedding Singer if I don't sort this shit out…soon.

Not tonight though. You don't basically reject a girl…a really nice girl…and then go out there and say "Hey, you know that offer? Changed my mind…still interested?"

I get out of the shower and turn it off. I am drying myself when I hear the doorbell.

"Edward!" Victoria says from down the hall. I figure she's just letting me know the food is here. "Edward!"

I walk out of my bathroom and throw on a pair of sweatpants. I'm still toweling my hair when she yells my name again.

"Jesus Christ, woman…you can start without me if you're that hungry," I laugh as I make my way down the hall, shirt in hand and towel around my neck.

I stop when I reach the living room…stunned.

"Um…I was just trying to let you know you have company," Victoria says in a low voice.

There in my entryway stands Rosalie, Alice and…Bella.

She is staring at me and it occurs to me how this must look. Here I am, obviously just out of the shower, with nothing but sweats on and there is a girl in my apartment.

What are the fucking odds that this shit is happening to me again?

"Bella," I say as a sigh, because it hurts my whole body to see her standing there.

"Hi," she responds in a small voice.

"Well," I hear Victoria saying from near the couch, but I don't look at her, "I'm gonna head back over to my apartment. Edward? We'll do Chinese another night, okay?"

I nod, not taking my eyes off Bella's.

I feel like this is a replay of the party. At any moment she is going to run out the door or start screaming at me.

I am aware that Rosalie and Alice are staring at me. It's not like either one of them to be quiet, but yet they are.

As Victoria nears Bella she stops.

"Look at me, sweetie," she says to Bella in a low voice. Bella turns her head and I lose eye contact…yet I continue to watch her profile. I can't believe she's standing here. "I know you have a million thoughts running through your head right now, but I want to say something to you before you allow them to settle…" Bella just keeps watching her and my eyes avert to Victoria now too. I am wondering if she is going to tell her that ten minutes ago she was looking at my cock and I had my hands on her hips. I want to beg her just to go but I remain still, holding my breath.

"Nothing is going on here," she says as she nods her head slightly, "Edward and I are neighbors and new friends, but nothing else. He's told me all about you and…you have no reason to be jealous, okay? This boy is head over heels in love with you."

Bella looks back to me and then to Victoria again. There's a small smile on her lips and in a whisper she says "Thank you."

Victoria gives her a very gentle hug and winks at me over her shoulder. In that second, I know that I have made a kick ass friend. She's definitely a woman and not a girl. She could have thrown me under the bus but chose not to. I also notice for the first time that Bella is on crutches, a cast on her leg past her knee.

What the fuck happened?

I want more than anything to go over to her and touch her…see if she's hurt anywhere else.

"Alrighty…night all," Victoria says as she throws a wave and heads out the door.

I look back to Bella and she is staring at me. It's a look I don't know.

"Bella? Are you okay? What are you doing here? What the fuck happened?" I ask as I slowly walk a little closer to her. I drop the towel on the back of the couch and pull my shirt over my head.

"I'm fine," she says in that small voice again. "I got your letter."

"Oh." I stop and watch her.

Just then another voice assaults me.

"Well hello to you too asshat," Rosalie says as she walks around Bella, blocking my view. She's trying to sound relaxed, but I can tell the tension in the room is making her as nervous as I am. "Nice digs," she nods as she looks around the room and back at me. I've known her long enough to realize her eyes are telling me to take a breath and not say something to fuck this up.

"Um…yeah," I respond, "you guys want to sit down or…"

Rosalie smacks me on the arm and smiles before turning back to Bella. "No, we drove for hours just to stand in the entryway…Come on Grace, take a load off."

Alice finally speaks. "Hey Edward…miss me yet?" she jokes, but her voice is shaky as she walks over and gives me a hug.

I don't respond. I watch as Rosalie helps Bella to the couch.

"Relax, Edward," Alice whispers in my ear as she gives me one more squeeze before releasing me and heading over to the couch.

I am shocked and uncomfortable at the same time and I don't know what to do. I'm sure I look like a fucking moron just staring.

Rose gets Bella settled on the couch and turns to me again. "Wanna grab a few pillows or something so we can prop Grace's leg up?"

I continue staring.

"Edward?" Rose says a little louder, pulling me out of my fog.

"Um…yeah, yeah. I'll….I'll be right back."

I head down the hall to my room, certain my heart is beating so loudly that everyone can hear it. My head feels light. I am definitely having a fucking panic attack.

Bella is here…in my fucking apartment.

I get to my room and once I am sure I am out of view I lean forward with my hands on my knees, trying to catch all of the breaths I haven't taken in the past five minutes.

_Bella is in my apartment_ keeps playing over and over in my head. I start to wonder if it would be highly inappropriate of me to run back out there and start nailing the windows and doors shut. I might actually do it if I knew where the fuck a hammer is….

"Any day now, Edward," I hear Rosalie shout from the other room.

Pillows…right.

I stand up straight and make my way over to the bed, scooping up several pillows and one of those fucking pillow roll things my mother purchased. I'm not sure what they are actually for, but I'm guessing it will be good for propping a leg.

What the fuck happened to her leg anyway?

I make my way back to the living room, walking so slowly I expect to hear someone bellow, "Dead man walking" and a priest to slide up next to me reading my final rights.

All three girls are watching me, so I pick up the pace and throw a fake fucking grin on my face. "Here," I say as I hand the pillows to Rose and Alice.

I watch as they arrange them on the couch, trying really hard not to look directly at Bella. Once they have them in place they both assist her in turning sideways and carefully lifting her leg up onto the couch.

I hear her gasp slightly and my knee jerk reaction is to go to her. I plant my feet firmly in place and wait.

"All good, Grace?" Rosalie says.

"Stop calling me that!" Bella laughs and rolls her eyes. God, she is so fucking beautiful. More beautiful than even my memory had made her. I can smell fucking lavender…

"Well, when you do dumb ass shit like that, you earn a nickname…you are now my Graceful Bella."

"What…happened?" I say and all three look at me. I think I see Pixie even jump a little.

"Gra…Bella here decided that from now on she's going to enter rooms through windows," Rose laughs, "We would have come through your window if you weren't so fucking high up."

I look at Bella now and my breathing catches again. She is looking back at me.

"I had car trouble, I tried to crawl through a window at a rest stop to get to the phone…I fell," she says sweeping her hand dramatically over her leg and rolling her eyes again.

"Jesus…are you alright?" comes out of my mouth, and instantly I feel like a bigger idiot. Of course she's not fucking alright. "I mean…what's the damage?" I smirk, nodding towards her leg.

"Let's just say if you decide to toss some fridge magnets at it, I'm fairly sure they would stick."

I chuckle slightly. That's my Bella.

"Uh…can I…do you guys want anything? Water or soda or something?"

"I would love a soda," Rose says in an exaggerated voice, "Al, why don't you come with me to explore the kitchen?"

"No, I'm good. I just want to sit," Alice responds innocently.

"No…" Rose tries again, "I think you want something to drink…now."

Alice suddenly gets it and hops up. "Oh, right. Yeah…I am really thirsty," she smiles at Bella and then at me. "We'll be back."

They scramble off for their imaginary beverages and I watch Bella. I haven't moved from my spot but find I cannot remove my eyes from hers now.

"Sit?" she says with a little grin and points to a chair.

I nod and take a breath before walking over and sitting down. I run my hands slowly up and down my thighs, trying to get feeling back in my limbs.

"So, seriously…you okay?" I ask because I really fucking want to know she'll be alright.

"Seriously? I will be fine. I broke a couple things, no surprise with me, right? But overall, everything should be fine in a few months. I just need to take it easy."

"Why are you here?" I blurt out and from the look on her face I can tell I've hurt her feelings. I didn't mean it in a negative way. I am just wondering why she would drive all the way to Seattle in her condition.

"We should have called…" she says as she looks down at her hands in her lap.

"No," I respond a little too enthusiastically, "I um…I didn't mean it like that. It's good. I just um…shouldn't you be like staying in bed or something?"

She takes a relieved breath and looks at me again. Her eyes are so startlingly beautiful…pained but beautiful.

"I…got your letter and I wanted to come," she whispers.

The letter.

I sent it a week ago, but it feels like a lifetime. I don't respond, I just wait for her to continue.

"There's so much I want to tell you, Edward," she says and a tear slides down her cheek. My fingers twitch, wanting to reach out and comfort her, but I don't. I can't allow myself to feel anything right now. It will just hurt too much when she is gone again.

"I don't know where to start really. It's all so insane. But…I just…"

"Let me get you some water," I interrupt. I know I should let her continue, but fuck me…I can't hear what she has to say. She's going to say she realized after we slept together she came to her senses and realized she didn't want to be with me. She's going to say my letter is right, its time to say goodbye and we need to do it face to face. She's going to say a lot of shit that is going to tear my fucking heart right out of me again and I cannot hear it. I can't.

She looks a little shocked as I watch her, waiting. "Water or soda?"

"Um…water?" she responds as a question.

I nod and get up. I head to the kitchen, my fucking heartbeat betraying me again.

"Ed," Rose smirks from on top of the kitchen island.

I lean my extended arms against the counter, gripping the sink, my head bowing. "Why didn't you fucking call me?" I say through gritted teeth.

"It was a spur of the moment trip," she giggles. I am not sure what is so fucking hilarious, but I don't turn to look at her or the fucking pixie, who I can see watching me carefully from my periphery. "Oh relax, Edward," Rose continues, "You are always so God damned dramatic where Grace is concerned."

I stand up and look at her. She's fricking grinning! What the fuck?

"It didn't occur to you that a little fucking notice might have been helpful to me?" I ask.

Rose rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah…that's exactly what you needed…a few hours to sit here and fucking brood over the fact that Bella is on her way to see you. I did exactly what needed to be done."

"Water."

"What?" she asks.

"I need to bring her water," I sigh.

Pixie jumps into action, opening cupboard doors until she finds the glasses. She opens the freezer and drops a few ice cubes in it before slinking in front of me to get to the sink. She turns the cold water on and puts her fingers under it, waiting for the temperature to get to her liking.

"What does she want to say to me, Rose? Why did she come all the way here?" I ask as I stand and look at my friend.

"Uh-uh…This is Bella's show. Whatever she wants to say, you are going to hear it from her, not me," she says as she takes the glass from a sympathetic looking Alice and holds it out to me. "Go talk to her Edward."

I take a deep breath and turn towards the living room. "Fine."

I hand the glass to Bella and she moves it around a little, swirling the ice cubes. I go back and sit in the chair across from the couch.

"Alright," I sigh, "let's do this."

She stares at me for a moment, before I jump at the sound of Rose's voice again.

"Hey! Alice and I are going to go check out this snazzy building of yours. You have a pool, right?"

I chuckle slightly at her attempt to leave us alone. "Yeah…there's a pool on the first floor. Weight room is on third."

"Coooool," she grins, "Emmett and I are going to have so much fun here," she winks. "Come on, Al…let's go scope this shit out."

Alice still looks both nervous and sympathetic. "Okay…"

With that they are out the door and I am left to deal with my slow and tortuous death alone.

We sit in silence for what feels like an hour. I can hear the air conditioner rattle, the drip from the fucking sink that must not have been shut off all the way, my ever present heartbeat…

Finally, I just can't take the silence anymore.

"Say whatever you came here to say, Bella."

Her eyes shoot up from her glass and they have tears in them. It breaks my fucking heart, which is ironic, considering that's exactly what she came here to do.

"Edward," she speaks in a shaky voice, a tear trickling down her cheek, "I…"

Ding..Dong...

"Fuck!" I blurt out, my nerves on full fucking red alert. "I'll be right back."

I get up and go to the door. Who the fuck is here now?

I open the door and it's the Chinese delivery guy.

"Oh…shit. Hold on a second, man," I say as I turn and head back into the bedroom to retrieve my wallet.

I return and hand him fifty bucks, telling him to keep the change. It's a generous fucking tip for sure, but at this point I just want him gone. I take the two bags from his hands and close the door.

Bella is watching me over the back of the couch.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her, holding the bags up a little.

"No…I'm good, but you eat."

I take the food to the kitchen and unpack the bags. I'm definitely not hungry, but the masochist in me is dragging this shit out, I suppose. I load up a plate with shit from the sampler platter, grab a fork out of the drawer and head back into the living room.

"You sure you're not hungry? There's a lot of food."

"No. I'm sorry though for wrecking your plans. Your friend is probably hungry now and…"

"She honestly is only a friend," I say and I'm not even sure why.

"I believe you," she responds and nods, swirling the fucking ice again.

I sit down and start pushing shit around the plate on my knee.

"Edward," she starts again and I drop the fork on the plate, looking at her.

Here we go.

"I know it's probably too late for…you have every right to hate me right now. I would hate me…" Tears are falling freely down her cheeks now. "I was trying to do the right thing and…I handled it all wrong and…" She shakes her head slowly, reaching up to wipe the tears. I can tell she's trying to get it out and is frustrated as she tries to find the words. "I…Tanya and…"

I'm literally on the edge of my seat now. She wants to cut me loose. She came all the way here to do it in person. Just fucking do it already.

"Fuck, Bella…just say it," I interrupt, my own frustration clear.

"I um…I'm sorry I left like I did. I thought I was protecting you and…I wanted to call you a million times. I wanted to come back to Forks but…there's just so much to tell you."

Her tears continue to fall and she still seems to be searching for words.

"I don't understand, Bella? What is it you want to say?"

We sit for a few minutes more, Bella sipping her water and looking at her lap.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" I feel like we are at a standstill.

"You probably don't want me here…I understand that," she says in that soft voice of hers, "I want you to know though…that…I don't regret that night. I regret every one since, but not that night….not that night." She sniffs and I'm so fucking confused I don't know whether to speak or not. She starts to talk again, "I've missed you so much and…"

"What happened, Bella?" I ask with unexpected anger in my voice. If we are going to hash it out, then I want answers too. "You just fucking left and I never heard from you again!"

"I know…I…there were reasons and I want to tell them to you but I want…I want to tell you first that…First, you have to know that I love you. I…I love you so, so much Edward. I have never stopped loving you."

My heart leaps…for a split second.

Then for some reason I'm pissed off. How does she waltz in here after months of no contact at all and say 'yeah, I had my reasons, but love ya babe!'

Okay, maybe that's not exactly what she is saying but, no. I know I fucked things up first, but I tried to make it right. As much as I fucking love her…and God, I do fucking love her, I can't do this again.

"That's bullshit Bella! You don't fuck someone you supposedly love and then go MIA for months. You could have picked up a phone, sent me an email…Fuck, you could have used the fucking US Postal Service like I did, if you wanted to. Any one of those things would have been better than not one fucking word!"

"I know…" she whispers, "but I couldn't."

"You couldn't?" I say with venom in my tone. "You couldn't?"

"Edward…"

"No…this is bullshit. You can't do this now. You wouldn't be here if I hadn't sent you that letter. God! You have no idea how fucking much I've wanted to hear you say you love me again. How many times can I apologize for what happened with Tanya? I can't do it anymore, Bella." It hurts just to say it, but I continue, "Did it even things up for you to pull that little fuck and duck or are you here because I finally accepted it was over and you wanted to torture me a little more? Jesus…I'm so delusional…For some reason, I thought if you'd ever just say it again, if you'd just say you love me, everything would be okay...But now that you are here saying it, I…It was my fault we broke up, Bella. I know that, okay? But at the graduation party…I took what happened as you forgiving me or at the very least wanting to _try_ to make it work. Why the fuck did you leave without as much as a word?"

I am having a serious internal feud with myself right now. I am pissed, though I can't wrap my head around why. All of this started because of my fuck up but you can't forgive someone and then hold it over their head forever, right? At the same time…she is saying she loves me and that's what I've wanted all along. Why am I arguing with her when I should be pulling her into my arms? I'm losing my fucking mind, that's what's happening.

As stupid as it probably is, I'm scared. If I just accept her saying she loves me and she leaves again, I don't know how to recover from that.

I stand and walk around the room for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts. Maybe I'm jumping the gun. Yeah, she said she loves me but maybe…maybe the follow up to that was going to be "but its best if we aren't together" or some shit.

"Edward, I want to explain…Please tell me I'm not too late. Please tell me you can still love me," she sobs, looking up at me with pleading eyes, tears spilling like a waterfall.

I look at her, fully prepared to continue my pathetic fucking attempt to push her away before she can do it to me again.

My will fades though with one look in her eyes, because suddenly this sounds a lot more like a good 'I love you' than a fuck off 'I love you'.

I tuck my fragile ego back inside, next to my equally fragile heart, and sigh.

"Bella…It's never been a question of me loving you. I will always love you," I say as I sit back down. "The question has been the same all along, whether or not you want to be with me." I take one last steadying breath…. "Go ahead…explain."

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A/N: This is a long note, so settle in lol…

First, thank you so much as always to anyone reading, reviewing and rec'ing this story. A special thanks to all of my twitter girls who make this experience a million times more fun. You all know who you are and I love you! Before looking at reviews or anything else, I always look at my 's in twitter to see what they thought and giggle the whole time. I would also like to give a shout out to donthaveatizzy as she rec'd my story and her friend was kind enough to share her name w/ me so I could nuzzle her in my A/N. Thank you girl!

DaniaMCullen & AydenM…well, you know you own me and thank you!

Secondly – There were some people who did not like the last chapter. I won't lie, negative reviews and PMs stay with me. I tell myself not to read the reviews until the story is done so they don't affect me and so I don't change the story to please other people. Unfortunately, like Edward, I guess I am a bit of a masochist and I end up reading anyway. I am thrilled that most like the story so far and those reviews have me beaming every time...but I also want to say to anyone who doesn't – it's okay. Seriously. I have read stories that I loved in the beginning and then lost interest. That happens. I appreciate your comments either way, even when they sting. I do not claim to be a great author…just a mom, wife and Twi lover who has a story or two she'd like to share. I welcome ANY comments as long as they are constructive and if it's not something you want to post in the reviews, please feel free to PM me. I do take them all, good and not so good, to heart.

Lastly, I hope you had a wonderful holiday (if you celebrate it lol) and wish you all nothing but amazing things in 2011. 2010 has been a fun year for me. I never understood the chat rooms, etc. before…how can you be friends with people you've never met?...and now I totally GET it. I have met some of the nicest, most amazing women this year online. I am always excited when I log onto twitter or I get a text, gchat or email from one of my girls. I look forward to much, much more in the New Year! h00r tours 2011!

Much love,

JAG

Review for teasers…


	16. Its In The Way You Move Me

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM pre-reads for me. These two ladies rock my world and I love them!**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

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Chapter 16 – It's In The Way You Move Me

EPOV

"_Bella…It's never been a question of me loving you. I will always love you," I say as I sit back down. "The question has been the same all along, whether or not you want to be with me." I take one last steadying breath…. "Go ahead…explain."_

I watch her and she looks so fucking fragile. She's laying across my couch, her leg propped up, with tears streaming down her face. The need to touch her is as strong as ever, but I resist.

This shit is going to finish tonight, I tell myself, one way or the other.

As much as I love this girl, emo fucking Edward has left the building. I am done begging and waiting.

Of course, I'm always the brave motherfucker in my head…it's a completely different story when my heart gets involved.

"I…I don't know how to start," she barely gets out, "There is so much to tell you and…"

"Hold on a sec," I interrupt her. I've never seen Bella so distraught. The crying and gasping is fucking killing me…and it's making it difficult to concentrate on the words.

I want to hear her words.

I get up and walk to the bathroom. I pull a washcloth from the shelf and turn on the faucet, waiting for the water to warm. Once it's at an acceptable temperature, I soak the washcloth, ring it out and return to the living room.

"Here," I say as I lean down in front of her motioning with my hand. She looks hesitant, but she doesn't protest, so I gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. She watches me and I her, our eyes locked in understanding. Her pain is my pain...still.

"Thank you," she says, reaching her hand up and placing it over mine. "I think I'm alright."

"No problem," I smirk and try to be casual. "This couch is new and I can't have all your girl boogers on it."

She snorts and lets out a little laugh. My heart soars again.

I try to remind myself again that shit needs to be said, so I tap her nose with the washcloth jokingly and then stand, tossing it on the coffee table before returning to my seat.

"Can I make a suggestion?" I ask, leaning forward and propping my elbows on my knees. She nods. "Why don't you start with the graduation party? That seems like the elephant in the room, right?"

"Okay…" she says and takes a deep breath. Her eyes are scanning the room and it's clear she is again looking for words.

"Bella," I say and her eyes immediately move to meet my own. "It's just me, okay? Whatever you need to say…whether I want to hear it or not, is cool, alright? I'm prepared for the worst so we're all uphill from here."

She nods again and swirls the ice in her glass.

"Okay…." she starts again and her shoulders lift and fall. "We made love…"

For the next hour and thirty seven minutes I listen as Bella explains her confrontation with Tanya after graduation, the reasons she felt she had to go….She tells me about her conversation with Kate and my chest actually hurts. Someone fucking drugged me and I might have never known.

As she speaks I begin to connect the dots in my head. I remember the cloudy, confused feelings I had that night. I remember being rock fucking hard even though I didn't want that girl. It all starts to make sense and I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. Who would imagine something like that happening, though?

I am in shock…it's the only way to describe the emotions and thoughts flying through my head at the moment. I interrupt her occasionally to ask questions. She tells me about discussing it with her father before she left. He's going to speak with my parents but agreed to allow Bella to come and tell me everything in person.

I'm embarrassed at the thought of my parents knowing what went down with Tanya and I. Nobody wants their parents in their sex lives, I don't care what the circumstances. I realize though that it needs to happen.

Bella says her father told her that there is no way to actually prove Tanya drugged me and as far as what Kate said, it's really her word against Tanya's without any proof. The drug dealer isn't exactly going to offer up instructions on his cocktail mix.

Her father is going to gather as much information as he can and approach Tanya's parents. He's hoping they will allow Tanya to be questioned and he can get her to admit what happened. She's obviously unstable, so it might work, but the odds of her parent's complying are slim to none as well. Psycho or not, she is their daughter and people usually protect their own…

Hearing Bella tell me that she left that night because she was afraid Tanya would fuck up my chances of being a music teacher hurts me more than any of the other bullshit. She tells me that she loves me, that's she's always loved me and the pain in my chest aches more. It's like having the breath knocked out of you.

I can tell her leg is really starting to bother her. She tries to casually rub it every once in a while, but I know all of Bella's faces. I know when she is in pain.

I want to keep talking, but my need to protect her is reemerging in full force.

"Bella…let's take a break, okay?" I whisper and look at her.

She starts to shake her head. "No, I…"

"Bella. We are taking a break. You need to rest and…do you have pain pills or something?"

"Hmm? Um, no…I don't take them anymore. I just have my ice wrap."

"Where's that?"

"Down in Rosalie's car."

"Okay, come on," I say and walk over to her. I gently bend down and pick her up, cradling her against me. "You need to lay down and then I'm gonna find Rose so I can get in her car and get your shit."

She looks at me, but because she really is in pain she doesn't argue. I carry her down the hallway to my bedroom and as carefully as possible set her down on my bed. Touching her, carrying her leaves me breathless again. I position pillows under her head and instruct her to lay back. Again, she does as I ask, without question. I retrieve a few of the pillows from the living room so I can prop her leg up, before going to the kitchen to find her some ibuprofen.

I lean against the counter, completely drained.

Everything that Bella told me is still circling around in my brain, but now I have the added heartache of seeing the only girl I've ever loved in my brand new fucking bed. I should be thinking about her injuries, and I am, but it still doesn't help with the fact that she told me how she feels about me…and that she never wanted to leave me. I want to hold her more now than I ever have before.

These past months have been such a cluster-fuck of wrong turns on both our parts. Things we should have said or done at each turn that would have prevented the pain we have caused each other. We let our pride and our misguided needs to protect each other dictate our actions…and that's why we fell apart.

Don't get me wrong, what Tanya did is unforgivable and the fucking bitch will pay…but Bella and I played our parts too. We took each other for granted and that's what gave Tanya the "in" she needed.

I walk back to the bedroom and Bella is lying peacefully on my bed. I watch her for a moment from the doorway. She's even more beautiful than I can describe. She's changed in these past few months. She looks older, if that's possible, and is starting to look more like a woman then a girl.

I remember her telling me so many times over the years that one day I would marry her…I wonder if that's still in the cards for us?

"Hey," she whispers as I make my way into the room. "Your apartment really is beautiful, Edward. It's so weird to see you like, living on your own," she giggles. "You are like a grown up now, Mr. Cullen."

"I don't know about that," I tease back. "Don't let the fancy digs fool you. I think, other than take-out, my only meals have consisted of Coco Puffs."

I hand her the pills and help her to sit up before giving her a glass of water. "This should help a little and um, I'll go find the girls so I can get that ice thing."

She takes the pills and nods with her eyes closed.

"Okay…I'll be right back. I'm locking the door, so just try to relax, okay?"

She nods again and I can feel her eyes on me as I exit the room.

I check the pool first, but there is no sign of Rosalie or Alice so I make my way to the exercise room. I can hear them giggling before I even open the door.

"Edward!" Rose calls out as I walk in the room. She is hanging off the weight bench, her head bent onto the floor.

"Nice, Rosalie," I tease, "Your spotter ditch you?"

She pulls herself up and straddles the bench. "Fuck no…I'm just trying out all of this kick ass equipment, babe. Trust me, when my monkey man and I come in here we'll get a workout…but the other residents might now wanna watch." She winks.

I shutter as I have a "fuck me!" flash back.

"You're going to end up getting us kicked out of here before Christmas, aren't you, Rose?"

She snorts. "Only if I'm doing it right, baby. So…how's my graceful little Swan doing?"

I shrug. "She's okay. She's hurting. That's why I'm here…where are your keys? I need to go get her ice thing."

Rosalie digs in her pocket and pulls out her keys, tossing them to me.

"Want us to go up with her?" Alice asks as she walks along the edge of the treadmill like a balance beam.

"Naw…let me get her to sleep. If you guys go in there she'll want to stay awake."

"So what do you suggest we do, Edward? Start knocking on doors until some horny guy sets us up for the evening?"

She has a point.

"Let me go get this shit. Meet me on my floor in five minutes, alright?"

I walk out to the parking lot and look around for Rosalie's car. When I finally spot it, I make my way over and press the button on the key ring to turn off the alarm and open the doors.

Jesus Christ, you would expect a guy's car to look like this, but a girl's? They have Doritos all over the place, water bottles scattered across the floor, fucking girl magazines everywhere.

I remove a cooler with a leg brace thing attached to it and set it on the ground. Rummaging around through the rubble, I finally manage to find the three totes containing the girl's belongings and sling them over my shoulder. Before I close the door I grab Bella's pillow from the backseat and tuck it under my arm. Bella loves her pillow. She takes it with her everywhere…says it reminds her of home or some shit.

I remember once when we were going out to the lake. We had told her father we were meeting our friends for a camp out, but truth was it was only Bella and I. She insisted on bringing the fucking pillow, even though I warned her it would get dirty at the beach. We fucked like animals that night; tossing and turning around that tent for hours before finally falling asleep tangled up in each others naked limbs. I woke up the next morning to Bella giggling. When I opened my eyes it looked like winter in the tent. There were feathers everywhere!

"_Jesus, Baby, what happened?"_

"_I think we got a little out of control in here," she giggled. _

Apparently in our frenzy, a corner of the pillow popped open and somehow we didn't notice in the dark. Bella is no seamstress, but she sewed the pillow back up later that day with the only string she had. It was from a little travel sewing kit and she chose the bright pink string. It looked like a fucking zig zag pattern. After that, she would tell me that the pillow was even more important to her…it was our "love pillow."

Girls…

I lock up the car and head back towards the building.

Ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? You know, where the little hairs on the back of your neck stand like there's danger or some shit? I look around the parking lot, feeling eyes but seeing nothing.

"Hello?" I call out as I stop and turn, looking behind me. It's dark, but there are lights around the lot. I see nothing and laugh, rolling my eyes. I suddenly feel like a fucking idiot for calling out to no one.

I continue into the building and into the elevator. When I get upstairs Rose and Alice are waiting in the hall.

"What the fuck, Edward?" Rose says in an irritated voice, "You run back to Forks to grab her a nightie or something?"

"Your car is like a wasteland, Rosalie. It took me a few minutes, sue me."

"So…what's the plan, Stan?"

"I'm gonna see if you can crash at Vic's…are you okay with that?"

Rosalie actually snorts.

"Um…sure, Edward, I would love nothing more than to spend the evening with your fuck buddy."

"Rose," I practically shout at her, "Victoria is not my fuck buddy!"

"Whatever you say there, lover boy," she shrugs, motioning with her hand for me to lead the way.

Deciding it's not the time to get into shit with Rosalie, I just make my way to Victoria's door.

I knock on the door with admitted hesitation. I'm not sure if this is a great idea, but I'm pretty sure I can trust that she won't fuck me over. Jazz and Em's beds aren't here yet and they can't both sleep on the couch.

"Edward?" she says with a confused look on her face. "What's up?"

I explain the situation and she is more than excited to have the girls spend the night. She gets lonesome here sometimes too and says something about the girly shit they will do…most of it goes over my head, but I hear popcorn, pedicures and something about a chick flick on pay-per-view about a girl band. I don't catch the name, but they are all so excited I just slip out pretty much unnoticed.

I unlock my door and walk back into my apartment. I make my way down the hall and Bella is lying on my bed, eyes closed. I walk over and look at her for a moment before gently moving the hair from her face.

She stirs, licks her lips and slowly opens her eyes, looking up at me.

"Hey."

"Hey," I whisper back. "Are you feeling any better?"

She nods "Mmmhmm."

"Can I get you anything? Are you hungry yet?"

She shakes her head.

"Okay, um…I'm gonna go out and lie down on the couch, but um…if you need anything, just holler, okay?"

"Where's Alice…Rose?"

"They are staying next door. I don't have any other beds, so…"

She nods again.

"Alright. Sleep well. Call me if you need me." I smile and make my way out of the room.

I'm half way down the hall when I hear her call my name. Thinking something is wrong, I immediately turn back and move quickly back to the bedroom.

"What's wrong?"

She giggles. "Nothing's wrong. Can I…can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, of course."

She motions for me to come over and sit down, so I do. I'm nervous as all fuck, but I try to appear casual again.

"What's up, gimpy?"

"Shut up," she says, rolling her eyes.

She takes a labored breath and her shoulders lift and fall. "Edward?" she says looking at me.

I just wait.

"I know we still have so much to talk about, but um…do you think…are we going to be able to get past this?"

I want to tell her again that I will never stopped loving her. I'd like to tell her all about the past few months and how miserable I've been without her, but I just look at her for a long time.

Finally deciding that whatever happened, whoever made mistakes; my heart was and will always belong to her. I can do the mature thing and tell her that we'll take things a day at a time, and that's probably the right thing, but I know that's not what I want.

I want her.

I take my own steadying breath and place my hand on the bed next to her thigh. I lean forward and she watches me closely, but I know Bella…she wants this too.

I stop just shy of her face and look into her eyes, our breath warming each others faces like a soft wind.

"Bella…I love you. Whatever we need to do to be together, we'll do it. I don't give a fuck about anything else."

Her eyes glass up and one single tear slips silently down her cheek.

I close the remaining distance between us and gently press my lips to hers.

I know it sounds corny, but it really is one of those feelings that's almost impossible to describe. It's like having a part of you back that went missing and you thought was gone forever. You feel the hollowness, but can't fill it and then all of a sudden…you breathe.

Our kiss is very innocent. There is no urgency, no tongues involved…and call me a fucking pussy, I don't care, my own eyes fill with tears.

I fucking love this girl so much it hurts.

We share a few more brief kisses before I move back slightly. She has placed her hand over mine next to her thigh and the electricity is there as always, pulsing through my fingers and shooting straight up to my heart. Our other hands are meshed together, massaging each others palm, tickling each others fingertips. It's so quiet in the room; you can hear our heartbeats and every intake of breath.

"I should let you sleep, beautiful girl. We can continue this discussion tomorrow, okay?" I whisper to her.

I begin to stand, but she does not release my hand. "Lay with me, Edward?" she barely speaks.

I don't smile or allow myself to fall apart like I want to. Without a word, I quietly kick my shoes off and crawl up into the bed next to her. Her leg propped so she can't really turn towards me, but I position myself next to her and gently pull her into the crook of my arm. She twists slightly and puts her hand on my chest, sighing.

So quiet I am not positive she speaks, Bella whispers, "I love you, Edward."

I kiss the top of her head. Everything in my world is now exactly as it should be. Whatever tomorrow brings, I will not let anything separate us again.

"I love you too."

And we sleep…

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A/N: Well? Hope you enjoyed.

First of all, I would like to apologize for the long delay on this chapter. RL has been kicking my ass big time, as my twitter friends are aware by my absence. Please know that I will never abandon this story even if only one person is reading it lol. I've just changed a few major things so even though I have 23 chapters written, I am needing to adjust as I go to reflect that. You would not believe how many times I go back and read and change as I write. I am so protective of this little story that I don't want to put out a chapter until it feels like its right. I hope you agree.

I didn't get to do a teaser, because I figured you'd rather just have the whole chapter. I still plan to respond to EVERY review I get so those will be coming soon. I also have the next chapter basically done, so the wait should not be as long unless I go all OCD again.

Secondly, I would like to thank everyone who has sent me wonderful notes and words of encouragement. It means the world to me.

Third…I know there will be some people disappointed by this chapter. I know people really, really wanted some hawt "they're back together sex". I wrote it and maybe someday it will be posted as a "what if" but I couldn't leave it in the chapter. It just didn't feel true to the characters. My Edward and Bella would not immediately jump each others bones upon reuniting…It's not them. The instant gratification of the graduation tent sex proved that. They are growing up and hopefully their behavior reflects that.

Lastly…there is still some drama to be had here...we are not out of the woods yet. Just because Bella and Edward are currently fast asleep in his bed (sighs) does not mean everything has been resolved and we still have Tanya, Victoria and Jacob to contend with as well. Much is yet to come!

I hope you are still enjoying & will stick with me for the rest of the ride.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

JAG


	17. Heading Home

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.**

**I did not have this chapter beta'd as I wanted to get it out to everyone today. However, DaniaMCullen has been my amazing beta! The brilliant AydenM my brilliant pre-reader. I hope to have their assistance again with the next chapter.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.**

* * *

CHAPTER 17 – Heading Home

EPOV

I feel her body moving in and out against mine, her warm breath tickling my face. In my groggy state, I wonder to myself if the past five months have been nothing more than a bad dream. My beautiful Bella is cuddled into my side as she has been for years and it feels natural…right.

My hand twitches slightly on her back and I feel her soft hair against my chin.

She is breathing heavier now, which pulls me further from sleep…At first I think she is having a nightmare.

I open my eyes and adjust, careful not to wake her, but enough so that I can see her face. She's still in the same position she was in when we went to sleep last night, nestled in the crook of my arm with her hand on my chest. Her forehead is scrunched up and her mouth is moving slightly. No words are coming out, but she is clearing speaking to someone. She doesn't appear distressed, so I assume it's a heated conversation but not a nightmare.

I smile as I watch her. I've missed having her near me. I had all but forgotten how sexy she is when she sleeps. How could I have forgotten that? I'm sure it was there somewhere, but I've been concentrating more on how I can move the fuck on or get her the fuck back, so some things have been protected by my subconscious, I suppose.

Her brow continues to scrunch and she moves her lips. I find myself mesmerized, wondering what is going on in her mind right now. So many questions I could answer if I could just spend five minutes in her thoughts.

I chuckle to myself…what I would give to be able to read this girls mind.

Bella feels my movement and her fingers retract and then stretch out again against my chest. I feel goose bumps as her fingers slide over my shirt, and a very light moan escapes me.

Okay…I know it is beyond fucking wrong, but along with the goose bumps I also feel my dick twitch. I begin to have an internal conversation with it, warning the bastard to stand down. This is no time to prepare for fucking battle.

Unfortunately, we are not on the same page.

I think of anything I can to try and correct the situation. I think about Em & Rose having sex…_that_ freaky shit is normally enough to shrivel my balls like an ice bath, but not this time…it's been too long since I've held her.

I think about math equations, music compositions…hell, I even try thinking about my own parents having sex. Nothing is fucking working and every time her fingers move, I get harder and harder.

At this point, I realize my cock is on its own path and no negotiations on my part are going to prevent it from loading up and firing at will.

I attempt to move my arm out from underneath her. Very slowly, I scoot and nudge. She doesn't fucking move though, and the throbbing in my pants is like a drum in my ear.

I decide to be a little more forceful. With my free hand I gently nudge her arm, her stomach, poking her cheek and FUCK….

That just makes me harder, because she groans a little.

I'm just going to go for it, I tell myself. Trying not to jostle her too much, I push up with my shoulder, lifting her head up. I twist enough to gently place her back down on the pillow. Her hand is still on my chest, so I pick it up by her wrist and place it on her own chest. I scoot across to the other side, attempting not to stir the bed anymore than necessary.

My feet hit the floor and I sigh in relief.

I stand and make my way towards the bathroom.

I fucking did it.

Or so I thought….

"Edward?" Her tiny, sleepy voice calls from behind me. I immediately stop, but don't turn around. Eddie Jr. is like a heat seeking missile right now, bulging against my pants.

I turn just enough so I can look at her.

"Hey," I smile, "How are you sleepy head? Need more aspirin?"

She shakes her head. "No…just come and sit with me?"

Fucking hell.

"Um…let me run to the bathroom real quick. I'll be right back okay?"

She nods again, smiling.

I head into the bathroom and unzip my pants. My dick practically springs out at the sight of light and I sigh because it feels good to not be sandwiched into my pants.

I turn on the sink and lean against the wall by the shower. Without missing a beat, I take my dick in my hand and begin pumping. She's expecting me to come back out there…I can't drag this shit out.

I close my eyes and imagine Bella next to me, naked, wanting me…and my hand immediately moves faster. I have no lube or lotion and it's not sliding like it should, but I can't be nit picky right now…

With my free hand I reach for the shower curtain, pulling it open quietly. I keep my eyes closed as I continue to stroke like my life depends on it.

A grunt may have escaped…I can't be sure.

"Edward?" I hear from the other side of the bathroom door.

FUCK.

I'm throbbing like a finger slammed in a door at this point, leaning against the wall with the soldier aimed into the shower…and as stunned as I am that she is speaking, I'm too close to form a coherent thought.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah…um, I'm good. I'll be right out."

"Okay," she says in a questioning tone. She fucking knows I'm in here knocking one out…there is no way she doesn't…and in a minute I need to walk out there and try not to look like that is exactly the case.

I'm almost there, I look down once just to make sure I am still pointing towards the shower and then close my eyes again. I imagine Bella riding me…those beautiful tits hovering over me.

"Bella?" I hear bellowing from further away.

Jesus fucking Christ…

"Rosalie?" Bella responds, "I'm back here…in Edward's room."

I hear movement, people walking down the hall…

"Hey babe!" Rosalie says as she enters the bedroom. "Where's Edward? Jerking off somewhere?"

Fuck my life.

I think she may have even snorted.

Bella responds. "No…Jesus, Rose," I can hear her sigh, "He's in the bathroom."

"Mmmhmmm," is Rose's response and I die a little.

I can't stop it though…

My thoughts cloud, surrounded by Bella, as my cum literally shoots across the shower and hits the interior wall. It feels like it goes on forever.

"Edward!" Rose says with urgency, "What is going on in there?"

Her tone stuns me and my eyes fly open, shooting to the door to make sure they haven't somehow opened it and are watching this embarrassing scene play out.

Locked…secure.

"Edward!" she hollers again and this time I hear Bella too.

"Edward! Are you okay?"

I almost answer when I see the reason for the urgency in their voices.

Of course.

Somewhere in my 'need for speed' masturbation session, I have missed that the sink behind me is overflowing and water is pouring onto the floor and out the door.

"Shit!" I call out to no one in particular and shove my cock back in my pants.

I'll clean up later…right now I need to do damage control.

"Fuck…" I mutter as I turn off the sink and start flinging towels all over the floor.

There is no way I can explain this.

"Edward, what is going on? Are you okay," I hear Bella practically yell.

"Lay down, Bella…I'm sure he's fine."

I sop up all the water and lift the soaking wet towels into the tub. They must weigh five pounds each. If the water didn't go into the apartment below, it will be a fucking miracle.

I take a moment to pull myself together. My cheeks are flush, not only from what I've just done, but from the embarrassment of it all.

With one big breath, I shake my shoulders and open the door.

"Hey," I try to say in a casual tone.

Of course it is Rose that decides to speak up first.

"Hey? _Hey_, Edward? What the fuck happened in there?" she says with another soaking wet towel in her own hands.

"Faucet stuck…it's all good," I respond, not looking at her or anyone else in the room. I go to my dresser and grab a new t-shirt since the one I'm wearing is now drenched.

Bella saves me.

"So, um…anyway…drama over. How was your night at Victoria's?"

"That is one cool bitch," Rose replies. "She has more porn than Emmett."

I sigh in relief. She has always been my life preserver.

The rest of the morning is pretty uneventful. I want to talk to Bella, but we just never seem to have a moment to really _talk_. Her leg seems to be bothering her more today and Rose and Alice tend to her while I am constantly shuffled to the side.

Finally I decide to get out of the apartment for a few minutes while they help Bella change her clothes. I do not need a repeat of this morning at the thought of her naked in my bedroom.

"I'm going down to the workout room," I holler down the hall. "Be back in a while, alright?"

It feels good to move my muscles. After a few minutes of warming up, I lay down on the bench. My feet planted firmly on the floor, I arch my back and lean back onto the bench, reaching up and gripping the bar. Normally I would have a spotter when I bench press, but there is very little weight on the bar so I stare up at the ceiling and begin.

I get lost in thought. All of the things that have happened over the past few months cloud my mind. I still cannot completely wrap my mind around what Tanya has done. It feels like it all happened to someone else.

I'm pulled out of thought when I hear movement. I glance to the side, expecting that someone else from the building is coming into the gym, but all I see is the door closing.

I put the weight bar back and just lay in place for a few minutes listening to my own breathing.

Knowing what we know now, Bella and I have a real shot of fixing this shit…finally finding our way back to each other.

I run a few miles on the treadmill and then decide that I've probably allowed them sufficient time to primp and pretty up my girl so I grab my water bottle and towel and make my way back to the apartment.

I have the same feeling I did last night, like someone is watching me. It's an eerie feeling. One that causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end….but as I look up and down the halls I see nothing out of the ordinary.

"Edward!" Alice sings as I make my way back into the apartment.

The girls are in the kitchen making what I assume is breakfast and Bella is lying on the couch smiling up at me.

"Hey pretty girl," I say and wink at her.

She blushes and as always, and my heart skips a beat.

"Want some food, Romeo?" Rose bellows.

"Yeah…let me take a quick shower. I'll be right out."

I let the warm water cascade down my body as I lean against the wall. I run through what I want to say to Bella as soon as we get a fucking minute alone.

Even though we know now how things came be to last spring, it doesn't change the fact that Tanya sucked my cock. It doesn't change the fact that Bella was devastated…and it doesn't change the fact that we have been apart for months. As much as I would like to believe Bella and I can just run, or hobble in her current condition, back into each others arms, I am not naïve. It won't be that easy.

"Edward!" Rosalie screams and I am lunged out of my daydream.

"Yeah?" I holler back, opening the shower curtain.

"Can you come out here please?"

I can hear the urgency in her tone and quickly turn off the shower and grab a towel.

I couldn't give a shit who is in the apartment at the moment, that tone in her voice tells me I don't have time to get dressed so I wrap the towel around my waist and go.

"What's the matter?"

I make my way down the hall and see Rose and Alice leaning over Bella.

"What the fuck happened? Bella are…"

"Edward, she's really warm," Alice says with concern, "Like…really warm."

I look at Bella, who appeared fine fifteen minutes ago and her face is red and blotchy.

"Baby…are you, are you okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine," she says in a low voice, "I…maybe I just need more rest?"

"Fuck that, we are getting you to the hospital, Bella. You don't look good."

"Oh my God, no," she says while rolling her eyes. "I am fine. I promise. It's just my body healing."

This goes on for the next twenty minutes. The girls give her ibuprofen and I fill up that cooler thing with ice and cold water, as she wraps the attachment around her leg. Her color starts to return to normal and eventually she falls asleep on the couch.

"We need to get her back to Forks, Edward. This trip was a bad idea…she shouldn't be running around yet."

"She hasn't exactly been fucking running, Rose. She's had the leg propped, just like she would have at home," I sigh, "But…yeah, you're right."

I spend the next half hour fighting quite loudly in the hallway with Rose about how I should be the one to drive Bella home. She finally concedes and we begin taking the girls things downstairs. They will follow us and maybe half way Bella will switch to Rose's car so they can have, as Rose calls it, "girl time."

I'm looking forward to it. A couple hours alone in a car with Bella will give us the chance we need to talk. I realize she's not in the best of health, so I'll keep it light. Just a warm up, if you will, to see where her head is at.

My arms are full when we reach the parking lot. How is it that three girls can travel for a couple days and require so much fucking shit?

"What the FUCK?" I yell, to nobody in particular, when we reach the car.

I look down and see the right front and rear tires of my car…completely flat.

"What the fuck?" I repeat for effect as I drop the backs and crouch down to inspect the front tire.

Obviously someone has slashed them. There is no way both went flat at once. I feel around the tire, but can't find a puncture hole. Standing, I walk around the car…inspecting. It doesn't appear they did any other damage. There are no scratches on the car, thank fuck, and none of the windows are broken. I look around and note that no other cars seem to have damage.

Maybe they really did just go flat? It would be one huge ass fucking coincidence, but I can't think of another explanation. I am just being paranoid.

"It's going to take me hours to sort this shit," I sigh.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Bella shift. Looking up, I catch the grimace as she straightens and then she winks at me and smiles. She's always such a fucking martyr.

"Bella, you need to sit down. Rose, go help her into your car."

"Edw…." She starts to say, but I cut her off.

"No, Bella. Do not say you are fine, alright? In the car…now."

She sighs dramatically but follows my instructions and gets in the car, with the help of Rosalie on one side and Alice on the other.

Moments later Bella and I are locked in a heated conversation as the girls stand back trying to pretend like they are not listening.

"Bella, seriously. If you won't go to the ER, you need to get back to Forks. You need to have your leg checked out and make sure everything's still okay. You need to get into your bed, prop it and rest. I will…"

"Edward, I'm fine. You are overreacting. The ibuprofen helped so much. I feel a lot better."

"Please? For me? Go with the girls. Humor me. I'll get the tires fixed and be right behind you. I need to talk to my dad, your dad, about all this Tanya bullshit. I need you to feel better, Bella…so you can be there with me."

She smiles softly and takes my hand, holding it tight.

"Okay. I will go get some rest," she says with a very Bella-like eye roll, "but you will be right behind us. Promise me."

"I'll be right behind you. Promise."

Leaning into the car I kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment, taking in her lavender scent.

I watch the car as it pulls out of the parking lot. I immediately feel that tug…the one I always feel when she is away from me.

It takes me half an hour of phone calls to find a garage that's open today, but I finally do. I'm informed that since they are so busy it will be about an hour before they can come over. I call and speak with Alice at once point. Bella is sleeping in the backseat, which is good. She has to be feeling better if she's able to get comfortable enough to sleep. I pack a bag, eat some Coco Puffs and settle on my couch waiting.

I get lost in some stupid documentary about an Indian tribe. Apparently, they have a legend about their elders turning into wolves hundreds of years ago to provide protection to the tribe. I'm all for protecting your shit…but this is just ridiculous. Or is it, I think to myself. I've crossed paths with lots of fucking wolves these past few months. The only difference is these sneaky fuckers aren't on all fours. They walk amongst us every day in the form of crazy ass bitches who drug you…or assholes that try to steal your girl.

Yeah…maybe this tribe knows what the fuck they're talking about.

I'm startled from sleep by a buzzing noise. I practically fall on the floor scrambling my way to the intercom.

"Yeah?"

"Cullen? We're here to fix your tires?"

"Oh…yeah. Um, give me just a minute. I'll be right down."

Watching these two idiots work on my car reminds me of a Three Stooges episode. It takes them a good fifteen minutes just to get the fucking jack in place. I cringe as they start pumping it. I can just feel the frame of my car cracking…but much to my surprise, they eventually get the tire off without causing damage. I offered to help a couple times but was informed that for insurance purposes that was not allowed. Whatever, dumb fucks.

An hour and twelve minutes later, I make a mental note to never call these tools if I am broken down on the side of the highway.

"We about finished here guys?" I ask in a hopeful, but sarcastic tone.

"Yep," one says with a proud grin, "You're good as new, Mr. Cullen."

I pay them and head back up to the apartment to grab my shit. This has taken way longer than I expected and I need to get my ass on the road.

I run into Victoria on my way back downstairs and she fills me in on the slumber party with Rose and Alice. I laugh as she tells me how impressed Rose was with her porn collection, and I cringe when she informs me that Rosalie told her about Emmett's fantasy of a threesome and how she might give her a call sometime.

Only fucking Rose.

I throw my bag in the car and place two bottles of water in the cup holders. My plan is to drive as far as I can without having to stop until I need gas. I promised my Bella that I would be right behind her.

My Bella.

Before pulling out of the lot I grab my phone to let them know I'm on my way. They should be just about to Forks by now.

"This is Rosalie….give it to me after the beep."

Sigh.

"You've reached Alice. I can't take your call right now, but please leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day!"

Sigh.

"Hi, this is Bella. Sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message!"

Groans.

I drive for a couple hours, chuckling a little when I pass the infamous rest top where Bella injured herself. Only my clumsy girl would end up in such an insane situation.

I keep trying the girls' cell phones, but no answers.

I stop for gas at one point, grabbing some previsions for the rest of the drive. Cranking the radio, I get lost in thought. The conversations I will need to have with my parents, Bella's father and anyone else they throw me in front of are really going to suck. I mean, who wants to discuss drug induced blow jobs with the father of the girl you plan to marry one day?

That thought makes me smile though. I spend the next while imagining a day where Bella and I have graduated from college and are off on our honeymoon somewhere. Yeah…these are chick fantasies. Fucking sue me. The thought of Bella on a beach somewhere in her little bikini makes it a guy fantasy, right?

"Hey Charlie…its Edward. I'm just making sure that Rose and Alice got Bella all settled in. I'm about an hour outside of Forks now."

"Edward?"

I roll my eyes. Fuck, I realize Bella and I aren't exactly a couple right now, but I'm pretty sure I'm not _that_ fucking easy to forget.

"Yes sir. Edward Cullen. Is Bella feeling better? I told her she needed to prop her leg as soon as she got…"

"Hold on a second, son. What are you talking about? Bella isn't here. She went to see you?"

What the fuck? They have to be home by now. Did they go to Rose's instead? Alice's? Why would she do that? She needs to be in her fucking house resting, not having a slumber party with her friends.

"They headed back to Forks, sir," I say in a casual tone. There is no reason to piss her father off too. He'll be so angry with her for not coming straight home in her condition. "I'm sure they just stopped a million times for snacks. You know how they are," I chuckle.

"Oh…well, okay then. I'll uh…I'll tell her you called when they get here."

"Thank you, sir. Goodbye."

I continue down the road, redialing each of their phone numbers no short of a thousand times before I finally pass the "Welcome to Forks" sign. I've spoken with Emmett and Jasper, had them swing by Rose and Alice's houses. Nothing. I haven't called Charlie back again for several reasons. Number one, I don't want to worry him if they are still fucking around somewhere. Number two; I don't want to be a pain in the ass before I even get him to let me pass through his front door again. And number three….I don't want confirmation that she is not there yet. I don't want to admit that there is a lump building in my throat. The one that tells me something is not right.

I call Emmett and Jasper once more as I pull into town. I've had them practically staking out Rose and Alice's houses for about two hours.

"Anything?"

"No, man. They're not here yet," Emmett says with concern in his voice this time. "Where the fuck are they?"

"I'm going to swing by Bella's house. I'm sure they are there by now. You know them, they probably got sidetracked somehow. Fucking women…." I chuckle, but I'm sure it's not very convincing. "Call Jasper and just meet me there."

I pull around the corner to the Swan house and start to panic now. Rose's car is not in the driveway.

Don't worry, I tell myself. It's not like they are in the ditch somewhere. I would have passed them as I drove.

I park in the driveway and am just getting out when Emmett and Jasper's cars pull in along the curb. I motion to them to just stay put for a moment. No sense in all of us barreling up to the door and scaring the shit out of Charlie.

She's here, I tell myself as I make the walk up to the door. They've dropped her off and are on their way home now.

This is the most familiar walk in the world. I've been doing it for more years than I can imagine. I look to the bushes where I first kissed my fragile little girl. I look to the window upstairs that I climbed through at least five hundred times.

"Edward," Charlie says with a smile as he opens the door. "Welcome home. Settling in alright up there in the big city?"

I smile and relax a little.

"Yes sir. It's taking some getting used to, but Em and Jazz will be there soon so…." I shuffle a little, my hands in my pockets. "Would it be okay if I see Bella real quick before I head home?"

He looks at me, puzzled…and I fucking know the words before he says them.

"Edward….Bella's not home yet. What's going on?" he responds with more concern in his voice now.

Fuck.

Where is she?

* * *

A/N:

First, I owe everyone who has read my story a huge apology. I know you probably thought I wasn't going to finish it, but as I promised before - even if there is only one reader left, I WILL finish it. I understand any anger, believe me. I remember getting so upset when I would invest my time and heart in a story and it suddenly died. This has been a really crazy year for me in more ways than I can explain. However, The Best Part of Me and all of my twitter friends and readers have been in my thoughts.

I did go back and start re-reading the story about a month ago and see things that I would like to change. Mainly grammatically, but I decided to wait. Once I post it all, I will go back and change those things to satisfy my OCD. You all have waited so patiently that it seems silly to do it now. You'd rather have the rest of the story, right?

I haven't read much fanfiction in so long that I do not have recommendations this time. But as my life is finally starting to even out again, I plan to start reading again soon.

Much love to my girls that have continued to send me texts, tweets, IMs, emails over this past year. You know who you are. You could have easily forgotten me in my absence, but remained true friends, checking in on me as you were able. I can't wait to start swinging the pole with you again on a regular basis.

Happy holidays to all of you.

JAG


	18. It Pours

**I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author. **

**This chapter was not beta'd. Please forgive me any errors. **

**THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE, DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL BE GONE NOW LITTLE MINIONS! **

The Best Part of Me…Was You

Chapter 18 – It Pours

BPOV

I keep hearing all these voices but I can't open my eyes to look at the faces I feel moving around me.

There are several voices that I hear more often than others. I can't really make out what anyone is saying, but it's a steady hum in the background.

My body hurts so badly, especially my leg. I can't seem to move it. It feels like it's weighed down to whatever I am lying on.

Every so often I feel a heat surge through me and then the pain dissipates for a time. These are the times I can hear the voices more clearly.

"_You need to wake up, Bella. God, I am so sorry you are here. We're all waiting for you… please wake up?" one of the voices whispers. _

I assume this person is speaking to me because he's very close. He has a soothing voice and I want to open my eyes and see him….but I can't.

I don't understand why he is apologizing to me. Did he have something to do with the darkness and pain I am experiencing now? I can't imagine that he could. He sounds too kind.

"_It's…its mom, baby. Can you hear me?" a woman sobs. _

Again, I assume she is speaking to me but maybe I have it wrong. Maybe I am dead and I am just hearing other people's random pleas to their loved ones? There's a place called Purgatory, right? Maybe I am there waiting and the light will come soon?

"_Bells, I brought you a few things from home…your pajamas, that Weathering Heights book you were reading…I don't know. I figured you'd want something of yours when you wake up."_

This man sounds very sad. Bella or Bells seems to be the name everyone is using. Is that me? Why don't I know this? Every once in a while someone will say "when you wake up". Does that mean I'm not dead? Am I asleep?

"_Hey Bella bear…its Emmett. I have Rose and Alice here with me. You need to wake up, okay? We all want to talk to you."_

"_Bella" a girl cries, "It's…its Alice. Wake up, okay?"_

There is quiet again for a while and I can hear doors opening and closing.

"_Alright…" a female voice says. "I sent them all to the cafeteria so we can really talk. Who can say shit with Alice blubbering away, ya know?" she says with a sigh. "Anyway…I'm not really good at all of this shit in front of people, you know that. Emmett always says I need to show my emotions more. Blah, blah, blah…whatever." Another sigh.. "But…I love you Bella. You've been my best friend for so long and…and you just really need to wake up, okay?" she is crying now. "It was hard enough having you across the country all summer. It's…I can't even think about you being here when I go to school… And Edward… baby, he is a mess. He is blaming himself for you being here. He isn't talking to anybody…"_

That voice spoke for quite a while. It sounded familiar. I realized now that they are in fact speaking to me. My name must be Bella.

"_Charlie…don't be ridiculous. She is coming to live with me as soon as she is out of the hospital. It makes the most sense. You can't care for her! She might not be able to walk for Christ sakes. You have to work. I can take time off…I'll home school her until she is able to go back into a classroom."_

"_No…it's out of the question. She lives in Forks, Renee..."_

Those voices continued to argue as I drifted out.

"_So yeah…I was such a fucking wreck. I mean, I knew you would say yes. Of course you would… but I was still nervous. So I enlisted Jasper and Emmett to help me. That was my first mistake. Emmett was only fourteen you know, but he was coming up with all this shit about sky writing and fucking singing telegrams. Jazz wasn't much better…he wanted me to write you a poem and sing it outside your window. I think he'd seen some fucking movie with a guy and a boom box over his head or something. Anyway…I finally decided on simple. Not because you are simple, but because us together was just simple. Know what I mean? So when I went to your house to ask you on our first official date I…"_

I drift out again. Damn it, I want to hear the rest of that story too.

"_How's our girl?" a man says. "Are you doing okay, son?"_

_That soothing voice speaks again._

"_It's been so long….She's so quiet. What if…What if it was too late? What if she doesn't wake up?_

He has a point, I think. What if I don't wake up? More importantly, do I really care? As long as that warmth kept coming into my system I could stay here. That would be okay.

"_She'll wake up Edward. Listen to her heart. It's strong, son. She'll wake up when she's ready…"_

"_All of this…ALL of this is my fault. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."_

I wonder to myself what he did. He sounds so sad and I find myself feeling sorry for this voice, my soothing voice.

I drift away again.

I can feel something…something more than the pain and darkness. This is new.

It feels like little electrical currents on my hands….in my hair.

This feels really nice.

It's very quiet now, but the electricity entertains me. My leg isn't hurting.

I feel the electricity on my neck.

That too feels really nice. Gentle even.

I feel something sliding on my skin. I am not sure what I felt like before, but I know I haven't really felt like this since I've been in this darkness. I don't think so anyway. I feel something pulling me. A connection…or a cord maybe? Pulling me.

There is a little light now. I feel warm.

More light. I try to stop it because it is scary. What happens when there's light? Am I dying?

Something tells me I don't want that. I want to have this electricity in my hair and on my fingers longer.

I'm seeing colors now. They are like dots of light, like rainbows behind a screen.

More light.

More colors.

What is happening?

Suddenly I can feel my body with certainty. I can feel my limbs. My leg hurts again. Not so bad though. I can handle this.

The screen starts to flutter a little. It's getting brighter.

Oh! That's not a screen! Those are eyelids. I can open my eyes now, I think…if I want to.

I hear beeping. Steady.

Beep.

Beep.

I am about to open my eyes when I become scared. Someone is touching me! No…someone is really touching me! I feel fingers on my fingers. Something against my neck.

This can't be right.

I take a breath and open my eyes.

It takes a moment for them to adjust. They flutter open and closed a couple of times before I am able to make out the ceiling clearly. I can see dust in the air.

I don't move my head but I let my eyes travel down. There is a green wall. A really ugly painting…ballet?

Where am I?

Finally my eyes land on a mop of auburn hair. The body attached is holding a necklace between his fingers, his head almost lying on my chest.

I am terrified.

Who is this?

As my terror sets in further and I hear it before I can process what is happening. The scream that comes out of my mouth is almost as terrifying as how I feel.

It BURNS!

I try to scurry up the bed but my leg….is connected to something in the air. I move as much as I am able…away from this person.

I continue to scream and he backs away from me. He is holding his arms up as he retreats and he has a pained look on his face.

I feel bad for him, for maybe a second, but still try to stay as far away from him as I'm able.

He calls me Bella over and over. I am positive now that this is my name.

More people come into the room, but I am not afraid of them. They appear to be hospital staff and I am thankful that they are here to protect me from this stranger.

The man, I assume a doctor, approaches and speaks to me. He tells me to relax. I try to talk to him, but my throat hurts really bad. The screaming didn't help. He explains that my leg, already damaged, had become infected. Most of what he is saying is going completely over my head, but the gist of it seems to be that someone was driving me somewhere, realized I was really hot, tried to wake me and I was unresponsive.

Apparently this person…no wait, there were two people…apparently these people, _Rose and Alice_, brought me to the hospital.

"Bella, we've had you quite heavily sedated for several days now as we have been trying to fight off the infection. Your vitals are much better now, but you are still not completely out of the woods. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I think.

In theory I understand what he is saying, but it feels like he's talking to someone else.

I feel okay right now though and from what he's explained, that's a good thing. I am not in any actual physical pain. Emotionally, I am a wreck.

I listen carefully and when the man asks me about my eyes, I am confident in my nod. I can see clearly.

He asks me if I can see Edward. I want to ask him immediately who Edward is, but I glance around the room anyway thinking that I might see a familiar face that will trigger something in me.

I don't see anyone I recognize.

"Who is Edward?" I ask and I can feel a burn in my throat. I need something to drink. The burn is killing me. I reach my hands up and cup my throat.

"Would you like some water?" the man asks me with a concerned look on his face. I nod.

Someone gets me water and they all wait while I drink. I'm feeling like an alien. Everyone just stares and I want to get away from them. I begin to fidget again but am reminded of my leg. I grimace in pain now.

"Are you feeling pain, Bella?" The man asks me and I nod again.

A nurse puts something into the tube that is connected to my arm. Everyone clears out of the room except the man, a nurse and the boy with the chaotic hair. He is now sitting in a chair in the corner watching.

When it is clear that the pain has dissipated, the man speaks again.

"So…Bella, you don't recognize Edward…is that correct?"

I don't answer. I don't know how to. Is Edward the boy in the chair?

"Do you know who I am?" the man asks and I shake my head no.

"Do you know who you are? Can you remember anything?"

I think for a moment before responding.

"Um…well, I know my name is Bella. I've heard everyone say that name."

"Everyone?"

"Well…When I was asleep I could hear people talking and I guess I assumed that was my name because everyone who spoke said it."

"Good…good. Do you know what this is?" he asked as he held up a pen.

"A pen?" I said, feeling kind of silly.

"Do you know where you live?"

I shake my head.

"Do you know what your parent's names are?"

No again.

He continues to ask me questions. He introduces himself as Doctor Cullen. He says I can call him Carlisle if I'd like. Every so often I glance at the boy in the corner. He keeps wiping tears from his eyes and I feel bad for him. Apparently, I should know him. I can tell that by the pain he is obviously in.

After a while more people come into the room. A woman and a man. They look frantic at first and attempt to come to me. I slide back again and Dr. Cullen notices. He takes them into the hallway for a while and when they return, they just stand at the end of the bed and watch me as Dr. Cullen continues to ask questions.

Dr. Cullen explains to me that these two people are my parents. I look at their faces, again trying to find something familiar, but I see nothing that brings forth a memory.

The woman behaves much like the boy in the corner. She wipes tears from her eyes and I feel bad. A girl should know her mother, right?

It is explained to me that I am mostly likely suffering from short term memory loss, associated with the infection and very high fever. Dr. Cullen speaks very confidently and tries to reassure me that he believes I will retrieve my memories. He explains that in most cases, amnesia is a temporary condition. He said it could last a few hours or in more severe cases a few weeks or even months. He is encouraged because I do not seem to be having any trouble recalling some things…for example, what a pen is. He says that I am articulating very clearly.

Apparently as an amnesiac recovers, he or she usually recalls older memories first, and then more recent memories, until almost all memory is recovered. Memories of events that occurred around the time of an accident or onset of amnesia are sometimes never recovered.

Dr. Cullen explains that I would just have to take things slowly. The most important thing is to let my body heal. Everything will happen as it's supposed to. He says commonly, once memories start to resurface, the rest follow fairly quickly if they are to be recovered.

"Just try to relax Bella" he says. "If you try to rush it or force the memories, it will just make things more stressful for you. You'll most likely be in the hospital for another week or so until your leg is stable enough to allow you bed rest at home. Use this time to relax and begin your recovery. Maybe your parents could bring in some photo albums for you to glance through?" he looks to my…parents, and they both nod encouragingly. "You could also read diaries or journals, if you've kept those sorts of things?"

I didn't respond because I had no idea if I did.

Dr. Cullen finally instructs everyone that they need to leave. My parents protest, but the boy in the corner just stands and puts his hands in his pockets, looking down at the floor.

"Renee…Charlie" Dr Cullen says. "It was fine to have a twenty four hour watch when Bella was unconscious. However, now that she is awake, we need to give her alone time to rest with her thoughts. We also need to allow her body that rest without everyone sitting around her. She is going to have a fairly busy evening as it is since we'll need to check the rest of her motor skills, run some more tests now that she's awake…"

My eyes return to back to the boy as the other three stand in the doorway talking. He still isn't looking up. He's just moving his foot around on the floor, hands in pockets. He looks so sad and for whatever reason I feel the need to comfort him.

"Edward…that is your name, right?" I ask softly so not to disturb the conversation Dr. Cullen was having on the other side of the room.

His eyes move up to me.

"Yes" he says in a groggy voice.

"I'm sorry that I don't remember you" I say. "I'm sorry that you're…sad."

"No…" he responds with the sadness I am referring to in his voice. "Don't worry about me, Bella. Just…work on feeling better, okay?" A small smile is on his face now and I actually feel myself blush.

"Edward" Dr. Cullen says and the boy, I mean Edward, and I both look in his direction. "It's time to let Bella rest, son. Why don't you head home? I spoke with your mother a little while ago and she's waiting for you."

Edward nods and looks back to me.

"Okay…I'm going to go now. I'll…is it okay if I stop by tomorrow?"

God…I don't know how to answer that. I mean, I realize he is feeling sad and I don't want to add to his unhappiness, but I just feel like it would be awkward and uncomfortable to having him just sitting in this room with me.

Is he a friend of mine? A classmate? Were we…more? I don't know.

"Um…maybe you could…wait a few days? See if I remember anything first?"

I don't dare ask him how I know him.

He looks really sad again, but tries to play it off like he's fine. That makes me feel bad again.

"Yeah…yeah, that's cool" he says. "I'll…maybe I'll call you in a few days or something and see if you are up for visitors?"

I nod and give him a little smile.

"Goodbye Edward."

"Bye Bella" he says as he makes his way out the door.

It's very odd, I think to myself. As soon as he is out of the room I feel really lonely, like something is missing. I almost call out his name to come back, but I realize that is silly. What would I say to him if I did? "Oh, hey guy, I don't know you but um…when you left, I was bummed so could ya just come back and stand there in the corner for a while?"

My parents come to the bed slowly and tell me goodbye. They say that they will see me tomorrow. My mother disregards the uncomfortable air in the room and leans in and hugs me. My dad is more cautious. He simply takes my hand for the briefest second and gives it a squeeze before releasing it.

When I am alone…really alone in the room, I try to think. I desperately search for any memories of my life. I come up completely blank. There is not even a flicker of something before I was in this bed listening to voices around me. I start to panic a little. What if Dr. Cullen is wrong and I never remember?

Today two girls come by to see me. They say their names are Alice and Rose. I remember their names from yesterday. Rose says that she is leaving for college tomorrow and she wanted to stop by and give me a few things before she goes. Though it doesn't mean much at the moment, she promises she'll be back on weekends and will come and see me.

They hand me some photo albums.

"These are the photos our parents don't see" Alice says with a giggle. "So keep them to yourself, okay?"

I nod, wondering if I am secretly a porn star or something.

They do not stay long, as Dr. Cullen has instructed them I can only have short visits.

Alice tells me we are in the same grade. Apparently we are going to be seniors in a few days…so she'll be around more than the other girl.

Rose asks me if it's okay to hug me. It makes me uncomfortable, but seems important to her, so I comply.

"I love you, Bella" she says as she wipes tears from her eyes. "You'll get your memories back…I'm sure of it."

Alice gives me a hug too and then they are gone.

I open the top photo album and brace myself for naked photos. I chuckle to myself when I realize it isn't quite that scandalous. The pictures are, for the most part, pretty tame though there are many of us at parties with drinks in hand. This must be why the parents don't see these photos.

There are pictures of me in embraces with both of the girls that were just here. Arms over shoulders or around waists, smiling at the camera.

There are also a lot of pictures with that boy…Edward. He must have been my boyfriend or is my boyfriend? I'm not sure what he is, but the pictures show him with his arm around my waist or holding my hand. There are some pictures where I am sitting on his lap.

I pick up another album and this one has older pictures. The smaller girl isn't in these pictures so I wonder if maybe I didn't know her until recently.

The one girl, Rose, is in most of these with me. The…Edward is there too. There are also two other boys that appear in many of the pictures so I think I must know these boys too.

I don't go through all of the pictures, but I continue to scan books looking for something that will trigger a memory.

I stop when I get to one picture. It is Edward sitting on a picnic table and I am sitting between his legs. We are kissing. The lighting is beautiful, I think to myself.

I sigh. No memory of this event…but it still makes me feel nice.

He really is a very handsome boy. He seems to care about me.

The door opens and a very large boy walks in, followed by a smaller guy. They are the boys from the photo albums so I am not afraid. I smile, trying to seem somewhat normal. I don't know what their names are so I just sit with this stupid grin on my face.

"Hey Bella bear" the big one says nervously, gagging my reaction.

Bella bear? Okaaay. Maybe I'm really confused and this one's my boyfriend?

"Um…hi" I respond.

The both pull up chairs and sit down, careful not to get too close to me. I appreciate that.

They proceed to tell me who they are. The big one is Emmett and the smaller one is Jasper. They tell me that we have been friends since we were little. I listen closely as they give me a cliff notes version of parts of my life. They explain that we met Edward when I was five and they were all six. They tell me about things we did out in the trees somewhere.

They talk about when I started dating Edward and how Rose and Emmett finally started dating last summer. Apparently Alice started going to our school this past year and her and Jasper have been dating for almost a year now.

I listen…but nothing clicks.

I don't ask them if I am still dating Edward. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about what might or might not be my romantic relationships.

"Well, Bella bear" Emmett says as they both stand. They have been here for a long time trying to help me piece things together. "I'm leaving tomorrow and probably won't be back for a few weeks so…" He looks a little uncomfortable now. Finally he sighs and shrugs his shoulders. "Fuck it…would it be okay if I hug you goodbye?"

I tense at this. He's an awfully big guy…but he's been so kind today and I obviously am friends with him.

"Okay" I whisper.

He moves very slowly over to the bed, like he's afraid of upsetting the zoo animals. I almost want to laugh. I am not a wild bear…I will not attack him if he moves too quickly. Or…will I?

Eventually he makes it to me and gives me a very sweet hug. He is followed by Jasper, who hugs me but much more tensely. When he pulls away quickly we both panic because he almost yanks the tube right out of my arm.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he says quickly.

I laugh.

"It's okay…don't worry about it. I'm fine."

According to Jasper, he'll be in town much more than Emmett since he is dating Alice. He says he'll be by to visit me as often as he can. Again, I don't feel either good or bad about that. The offer is very nice.

They both head out the door with a final wave.

The next morning my parents come by again and I am pulled away twice to have a CAT scan and an MRI.

"Bells?" my dad says to me as he makes his way in the door when I return from the MRI. "I brought company!"

I look behind him as a young boy follows. He looks like he might be Indian? He's tall, darker skinned…and handsome. He is built really well. My cheeks flush.

"Hi Bells" the boy says as he approaches the bed.

He is very different than the others that have been here. He doesn't move tentatively. No, he approaches quickly and hugs me without hesitation.

"Hi" I say, a little nervous.

"Bella," my dad says. "This is Jacob Black. He's friend of yours. He called the house this morning and I explained to him that you were in the hospital so he wanted to come and see you. Is that okay?"

Was it? I don't know.

"Sure…of course, yeah…that's fine" I smile.

"Okay…I'll leave you kids alone for a while. I'm going to go check in with Dr. Banner and Dr. Cullen."

Jacob sits down on the edge of the bed.

"God Bells…I'm so sorry I didn't come before now. I had no idea you were in the hospital. Hell…I had no idea you were in Washington!"

I looked at him and almost laughed. He was so full of energy. I liked that he wasn't walking on egg shells around me. I felt normal for a moment.

"Where did you think I was?" I ask.

"Well, when I talked to you a week ago, you were still in Arizona."

"Arizona?"

"Yeah…at your mom's house."

So my parents aren't together. I make a mental note.

"And we are friends?" I ask him. I feel comfortable with this boy. I am curious and I am not afraid to ask questions.

"Yeah…of course we're friends." He laughs. "I mean…you have a huge…massive actually…crush on me, but yeah…right now we are definitely friends."

I laugh. I know he's joking…and I like this boy.

"How long have we known each other" I ask him, remembering that I didn't see him in any of the pictures.

"We met last spring at First Beach. It's…well, La Push is the reservation I live on. You were camping with your friends and we met then. We went out a few times but…"

"But what?" I'm more curious now.

"Well…you had just broken up with your boyfriend so you weren't really ready to date someone else yet. We've been friends since. We've talked a lot on the phone while you were in Phoenix at your mom's."

So that explains the status of my relationship with Edward.

"How are you feeling?" he asks with concern as he places his hand on mine.

Surprisingly, it doesn't make me uncomfortable.

"I'm okay…I mean considering I don't know anybody or remember one detail of my life. Yeah…I'm fine." I tease.

He laughs.

"Well…we'll get there, don't worry about it Bells" he says with a smile. "The most important thing to know is that you think I'm sort of beautiful and you have been secretly pinning for me since we met."

Again, I know he is teasing so I laugh. It feels odd. This boy is bringing out the first real laughs I have felt since I woke up.

Jacob, or Jake as he tells me he's called, stays for about an hour. We have a very comfortable conversation. No strain at all. It's so nice and relaxing. And he's a talker. He talks non-stop.

"Well, I'd better get going. Your dad gave me a time limit" he chuckles as he stands.

I'm actually sad to see him go. I've discovered in this short time that he has no filter. He says and does what he wants before thinking.

Which is why I am not surprised when he leans in and hugs me again, placing a small kiss on my cheek.

"I'll come back and see you in a couple days on Sunday. Everybody that's leaving for college pretty much heads out this weekend so there's a big party on Saturday night. How long are you in here for?"

"Um…Dr. Cullen says a week or two."

"Okay. I'll bring some movies and a board game or something. Sound cool?" he asks.

I nod and smile. It does sound good.

I see my parents and Alice the next day. When she's not crying, Alice is actually very sweet. She fills me in on more missing pieces from the past. It's fun. I enjoy her company too.

I ask her if they are going to the party at La Push. She seems a little surprised when I tell her that Jake stopped by but doesn't elaborate. I get the feeling she doesn't like Jacob. She tells me though that they are not going to the party. Apparently our friends will already be gone, getting settled in an apartment for the boys and a dorm room for Rose. She tells me that she had planned to go with for the weekend, but thought I might like company.

"Oh no…please Alice. Go with everyone as planned. I would feel terrible if you missed it."

"Don't be silly Bella. I'll be going up there all the time…the weekends Jazz can't come back and stuff."

"I know, but…You should go. Jake is going to be coming by this weekend, so I'll have him for company and then, of course, my parents…"

"Jacob Black is coming back?" she asks with an odd tone to her voice.

"Yes…is that wrong?" I'm not sure if I should be concerned about him.

"No…I mean, its fine. He's…okay. I guess I just didn't realize you still talked to him."

"He says we talked a lot on the phone when I was in Phoenix" I tell her.

"Hmm…"

"Alice, just say it" I say out of frustration. I don't know all the back stories here and her silence is frustrating me.

"I'm sorry…" she says with a sigh. "I just…well, I guess I was just hoping that you and Edward would work things out is all."

"Alice…I can't be with anyone right now. Anyone." I say the word with definition. "I don't even know who I am, other than what everyone tells me. You all have these memories that I can't recall. Do you know how frustrating that is?"

She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me. "I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking. Of course you should spend time with anyone you want to. It might trigger some memories."

Edward calls me four times.

Once after Alice leaves. Twice on Friday and then again on Saturday morning. He wants to come and see me. I want to see him too for some odd reason…but I'm also afraid to. If there are indeed romantic feelings between us, I don't want to confuse either of us while I try to figure out my past. I need to remember something…anything…before I deal with Edward.

When he was in the room with me I felt the most bizarre electric current. The same one I felt when I was in the darkness. I felt bad for him when he looked so sad. I felt the need to comfort him. I missed him when he left.

All of that was too confusing right now so I ask Edward to just give me a few more days.

On Saturday my mother came by alone. She told me she needed to go back to Arizona for a few days but she would be back later in the week.

Sunday comes and Jake visits again. I smile as soon as I see him. He looks so carefree.

"Hey Loca," he says as he bops into the room.

"Hey" I chuckle. "You look happy?"

"Oh…that party last night was a blast! We had so much fun. I mean…it kinda sucks that so many of my friends are heading off to college, but we definitely sent them out in style" he laughs.

"Well you don't look hung over so it must have been a pretty tame party?" I tease.

"Nah…I'm a quick healer." He laughs.

Jacob and I watch two movies. The first one is something about cars racing. I don't get it and I don't like cars. Furiously Fast or something, he called it. The second one was a romantic movie. Jake teased that he had brought one real movie and a chick flick. That made me laugh again.

"What's this one called?" I asked as he placed the DVD in the machine.

"Uh…A Walk To Remember" he says turning the case over in his other hand. He walks back over to the bed reading the back of the case.

"It's about a guy who gets in trouble and he has to spend time with some goody two shoes girl making a play or something so he doesn't get kicked out of school. It's not mind," he says cute & defensively, "I rented it and the lady…she said all chicks like it so…"

"I'm sure it'll be good, Jake" I say as he sits in the chair next to the bed.

The movie turns out to be really, really good. The boy and girl fall in love but she is sick and dies at the end. Before she does though, the boy makes all of her wishes come true…including marrying her.

Jake laughs at me as I sit in my bed sobbing.

"Don't laugh at me" I sniffle. "She died!"

He keeps laughing. "Jesus Christ, Bells…it's a movie!"

"It's still sssss..ad."

"Awe…don't cry" he teases as he gets up and comes over to the bed. He leans in and gives me a playful hug.

Or so I thought.

After a few seconds, neither of us are laughing or sobbing anymore. It is…still.

Jacob pulls back slightly and looks into my eyes.

We look at each other for what seems like forever. It is probably only moments.

He leans forward this time and puts his lips to mine. He doesn't move them, but they are touching. His lips are warm.

He presses a little harder but it just…doesn't feel right.

I lean away to tell him this isn't a good idea when I notice movement by the door.

I look around Jake and there stands Edward.

I immediately feel guilty…though I don't know why.

"Edward" I say as he stares at me.

Jacob clears his throat and stands up straight, turning to face Edward.

"Edward" Jake says curtly, and Edward's eyes move from mine to his. "What brings you by today?"

Edward looks shocked and I suppose it makes sense if there is a history between us. Alice had said she hoped we would be getting back together.

"I um…" His eyes come back to mine. "I was just stopping by to see how you are Bella. I'm…sorry. It's obviously not a…good time."

He turns and heads back out the door. I want to call to him again, but I don't.

Jake turns back to me and smirks. "Guess he was in a hurry" he says as he shrugs his shoulders.

"Jacob…don't" I say, sad that Edward walked in on something that made him feel so sad that he fled.

Jake sits back down on the bed and takes my hand.

"I'm not going to apologize for kissing you, Bella. I've told you how I feel about you."

"I know" I say as I look at our intertwined fingers. "I just…Jake, I'm not ready to get into something with anyone. I told Alice this already, but I need to make sure you understand it too….I have no idea who I am, Jake. I have to figure that out before I even think about anything else."

"I know" he answers quickly. "I don't expect anything from you Bells. I just want you to know you have options. Edward is not the only one who cares about you and…I wouldn't hurt you."

I look him in the eyes but don't ask him to expand on that statement. I don't think it is fair to Edward. Obviously Jake has feelings for me. He is going to try to cast the competition in a bad light. I would rather figure out who I am interested in on my own. And quite frankly, I had no interest in making any declarations right now. I was serious…I need to remember Bella before I can think about any boys.

Jacob leaves a short while later and I lay in my hospital bed thinking. I pick up albums again and start to page through them.

I'm so frustrated that nothing is coming to me. Why can't I remember anything? It's been days now.

I look around the room, searching my brain for answers…when I see something.

A small box sitting just inside my room next to the door. Edward must have brought it.

I can't get up and get it so I push the call button.

"Nurse's station…how may I help you?"

"Could someone come and help me get something?" I ask.

"Of course…I'll be right there."

A moment later a nurse appears in my room. "What can I help you with, sweetie?" she asks with a smile.

"Could you bring that box to me please?"

She sees the box on the floor and picks it up. It's obviously heavy. I can hear her sort of grunt as she lifts.

She sets it in the chair Jacob previously occupied and pushes it up to the bed.

"There you go hon. Can I do anything else for you? Some water maybe?"

"Water would be great" I smile.

She picks up the pitcher and pours some water into my glass and hands it to me. "If you need anything else, just push the button, okay?"

I nod and smile and she leaves the room.

I reach over and undo the flaps on the box. I peer inside.

It's filled with items. Random things like toys, books, CD's.

I'm disappointed. He must have brought me things from home to keep me occupied.

I sigh.

I lie back on the pillow and close my eyes.

A week goes by.

Alice and Jacob come by and call often. My dad stops in around dinner time each day. Edward doesn't come back though.

At one point I thought I should call him. Apologize for what he walked in on. Tell him I wasn't with Jacob. But…I didn't know his phone number and I was embarrassed to ask Alice if she had it.

My mom is back from Phoenix now and Dr. Cullen tells me I can go home next week if everything continues to progress between now and then. My parents continue to express their concerns over my memory. Dr. Cullen doesn't seem as concerned.

Two weeks and one day and I finally make it home.

Nothing looks familiar and I am more frustrated than ever. Remember already! I tell myself.

I still have not heard from Edward and I am starting to really miss him. It's so strange to me. I have no memories, other than a lot of photos and a couple of visits, but still he is an ever present thought in my mind.

"Bells?" My dad says as he peaks his head into my room.

I don't need to have my leg in the air anymore, but I do still need to keep it elevated so I have a mound of pillows at the foot of my bed holding it in place.

"Hey Dad" I say and encourage him in.

"Your mom and I would like to talk to you for a few minutes. Are you feeling okay? Do you feel like you need to sleep?"

I laugh. "I'm fine, dad…come in, please."

He steps in the room and my mom comes in after him. They both stand by the bed and I can feel a tension between them.

"Bella" my mom starts. "Your father and I have discussed this extensively over the past couple of weeks. We feel that with your fathers work schedule…um…well, I have taken a leave of absence from work. That's what I was doing in Phoenix last week. I was also getting the house….I…. I've made arrangements to help you keep up your school work at home and …"

"What? Wait…what?" I stutter as I try to process.

"Bells, your mom thinks it would be better for you to come to Phoenix this year. You know, after all that's gone on and…"

"No." I say without hesitation. "I live in Forks. I'm staying in Forks."

I don't know why it matters…I don't know anyone at this point anyway. But I am not leaving Forks. Something tells me this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

EPOV

"Edward, it's Rose."

"Where the fuck are you?" I practically screamed at her. It had been an hour since I left Bella's house. I'd been driving around with no particular destination trying to find her.

"Calm down. Are you calm?"

"Am I calm?" No, I'm not fucking calm! Where are you? Where's Bella?"

"We're at the hospital. Bella was…"

"What?! The hospital? I'm on my way."

I don't even remember driving to the hospital. As soon as I heard that's where Bella was, I went on auto pilot. I had no idea what happened, but I needed to get to her and that was my only focus.

"Edward," my father said in his _work voice_, "Bella shouldn't have traveled so far yet. The jostling of her leg, the stress, everything combined just wasn't good for her. At some point she developed an infection in her leg, probably before she even got to you. The infection was rapidly traveling up her leg when she got to the hospital. We've got her heavily sedated right now. The antibiotics are already stabilizing her system, but it's just going to take a while. We've given her morphine so she's not feeling pain."

Part of me was relieved. I mean, here she was lying in this bed looking so peaceful. She wasn't moaning or crying, she didn't appear to be in any pain. But the other part of me was angry…angry with myself for not taking her to Forks myself, angry for not realizing she was sick to begin with. I obviously knew her leg hurt, but why didn't I notice more was going on? Bella was always so warm. Her skin always felt so soft and heated against my own, but I should have been paying better attention. I had always made it my job to take care of Bella, even when she didn't want me to. She used to tell me I underestimated her, that she was stronger than I gave her credit for, and while that was probably true on many occasions, I should have never let her out of my site this time. I wouldn't be making that mistake again. I wouldn't leave her side again unless she ordered me away.

When I saw her eyes flutter open in the hospital I took the first real breathe I'd taken since she left my apartment. When it became clear that she had no fucking idea who I was…well, the breathing stopped again.

My father went on about how she would retrieve her memories soon enough. As much as it killed me to leave that room, I knew I was making her uncomfortable. I could see it in her eyes as she looked at me and pretended not to study me for some type of recollection. I figured everything would happen just as my father said and like a light bulb it would all turn on any minute. And fuck me if I wasn't being patient. I didn't go to the hospital. Instead I called her several times, hoping each time that she would finally sound excited to hear my voice and she'd tell me she remembered me. But each time she just asked me for a few more days.

My mother practically tackled me at the door when I tried to leave with the box. She said I was only causing myself unnecessary pain. Bella would remember me; I didn't need to take things to the hospital. But…fuck that. We had some kick ass memories in this box…and if anything was going to quick fire that right side brain, these things would.

I was stunned when I walked into her room. There she was in a fucking lip lock with that La Push motherfucker. I wanted to lunge across the room and tear his flesh off. I wanted to kill him. But I just stood there…completely frozen.

And when he looked at me…the smirk on his face? Had we been anywhere but in Bella's hospital room I would have ended that son of a bitch.

Bella looked almost as stunned as I did. But the thing that kept me from asking questions was the look in her eyes. I could see she felt sorry for me. Of all the things I wanted from her, pity was not one of them. I didn't want her to try to explain or to ask La Push motherfucker to leave the room…or the million other responses that could have come…out of pity. So I left.

Part of me was still hoping that she would call out to me and that it wouldn't be in pity but because she wanted me there instead of him. There was nothing though. Not a word as I made my way out the door and down the corridor.

I fought the urge to wait in the parking lot and beat the living shit out of him when he came out of the building, but I didn't do it. I drove home and went straight to my room.

There was little in my room now. Most of my clothes, my music, and my journals were all in our new apartment. Still there were a million memories of Bella surrounding me. I could feel her in every fabric, every surface. The things we'd done here and the conversations we'd had haunted me.

Wednesday was the worst day of my life so far. I was lying in my bed lost in thought when my father knocked on my door.

"Edward? We need you to come downstairs for a moment," he said in a tone saved only for those occasions when I'd royally fucked up somehow.

I made my way down the stairs and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him.

There, sitting at our dining room table, was Chief Swan.

My mother was sitting at the table as well, crying into a Kleenex and not looking up at me as I walked towards the table.

Fuck.

They proceeded, over the next hour, to discuss everything Bella had told her father. While she didn't share all the intimate details, it was still fucking mortifying. My mother kept looking up at me with pained eyes and then immediately began sobbing into the Kleenex again.

Chief Swan explains that there was little we could do to prove Tanya put something in my drink after such a long time, and my father concurred. Still, the Chief wanted to speak with everyone involved including Tanya, her parents and Kate. My father was….well, he was just pissed. Not at me but at the situation. His first reaction was to march over to Tanya's house & confront her immediately. I'd never seen my father so angry. But Bella's father explained that would only put her family on the defensive and the chance of getting any information out of them would be slim to none if that happened. With no physical evidence he said our best course of action was to let him do his job. "I'm a cop. I know things," he insisted.

Chief Swan made me write out my statement of what I could remember. He instructed me not to include what Bella had told me as without her memories it would be inadmissible. He said that he would follow up with what he could and try to get a statement from Kate first. Perhaps when faced with that Tanya would simply admit her wrong doing. If not, everything would be documented and hopefully Bella's memories would return soon and she could offer her own written account of the events.

Then there was what would be accomplished if Tanya did admit what she'd done. It wasn't like they would cart her off into the woods or something. She was a juvenile so at most would probably get probation, maybe some court mandated therapy.

I tried to make my argument that if there was nothing we could do what was the point of putting all this embarrassment down on paper, but by now everyone was talking around me instead of to me.

Chief Swan left after a couple of hours and said he would be in touch. I didn't want to discuss it any more and retreated to my room but all I could do was toss and turn.

"Edward, are you sure you're okay to drive tonight?" my mother asked in a concerned tone.

"I'll be fine. I just…I need to get back. School's started and there's no reason for me to be here. Chief Swan said he'll let you know if he needs me for anything."

It sounded logical. I did need to get to school. Everyone else had already started classes. It didn't make sense for me to sit in Forks waiting for…I had no idea what. Bella still had no memory according to my father and against my better judgment I'd sat outside the hospital twice now and watched LP motherfucker walk in to visit her.

What was I still doing here?

I started my engine and gave a smile to my parents before pulling down the driveway & heading down the street. I purposely kept my eyes forward as I drove by Bella's house. I wasn't saying goodbye again. In my mind I knew that once she remembered she would call.

Now it was just a waiting game.


End file.
